Hi, I think this is my first ever babyworld message!

We have one dd, who was 2 in October. I've found that all of my friends with kids around her age are thinking about or already pregnant with number 2. My dp is ademant (sp?) that he doesn't want another as in his words our dd is 'perfect' and everything he ever wanted. I used to agree with him as I've found her to be quite enough time wise and worried that I wouldn't have time/effort for more than her. But recently I've been thinking that #2 would be quite nice, especially as she isn't a baby anymore.

I feel like I'm just jumping on the bandwagon because of my friends. Also, maybe I just like that pg/baby stage and when it came to having 2 under 5 I wouldn't be able to cope very well at all.

Also, I now feel like I'm waffling lol!

Anyway. If anyone has any views on this or has been in a similar situation then I'd be interested to hear all comments. Even if it's just to confirm my suspicions that I'm actually being highly selfish! I don't want to put 'a case' to dp just yet in case I don't actually want another, but I'm feeling mightily confused about it!

Thanks in advance

Lozza

I feel exactly the same Lorraine.  My dd was also 2 in October and most of the girls from my ante-natal and breastf eeding support group are on their second baby already.  My problem is that I am scared that there won't be enough mummy to go round.  I love my little girl so much and am absolutely devoted to her.  Every second of my time is taken up with her ( even though I work 2 days a week) and I simply can't imagine having to leave her to play on her own while I was changing the other baby.

Then I thought about leaving it until she was at school so that I could spend my days with the baby and then hand over to my husband when she came in from school so that would be our "mummy and Imogen" time so she wouldn't actually be losing out. But then the age gap would be 4 years and they wouldn't necessarily be able to play together.

It is such a difficult decision to make and there are loads of questions to ask yourself, believe me, I've done it.  My husband would love another child, but as he works nights, it would alsways be me doing everything as he needs to sleep during the day.  I also thought that if I fell round about christmas time, then I would give birth july/august and dd would be at school full time in September.  I know it sounds awfully clinical, but that is just one way of thinking about it. 

If you ever want to talk, my email is louise749802@yahoo.co.uk. 

Contact me and we will see if we can't make some sort of decision.

 

Take care

 

Lou

Hi

For some people the decision to have another baby appears easy, but there are those of us who have issues to deal with before the decision can be made. Have you discussed your feelings with your partner? Maybe it will help.

I have a dd who is almost 2, and all the mums I keep in touch with from postnatal class are either pregnant or have just had another baby. My husband does want another one, and up until now I didn't, and the thought of another baby is becoming more appealing. However I know that there is too much going on in my life at the moment and it will be a few more months before I can serously consider having another baby.

Annie

Hi,

I feel exactly the same way.  My son will be three at the end of this month and every one else that had children at the same time as me have all had another baby or are currently pregnant with number two or even three!.  My only other friend that was in the same boat as me with just the one has just announced her pregnancy and I have to say I felt a bit jealous or confused like all of a sudden there is a time limit to have another child.  My husband is happy with just having one and I thought I was too, but now I feel like it's now or never, If I left it longer will I keep putting it off or do I just feel this way because i'm surrounded by babies and pregnant women! Help.

So don't worry you are not alone

Mear.

 

 

Thanks for the replies girls

I'm just gonna have to take the bull by the horns I think and just talk to dp about it. I tested the water last week and he wasn't happy about the idea, but maybe if I sit down and have a logical discussion with him about it, and explain the way I'm feeling, he might be open to considering it. I don't want to pressure him into having another if he's dead set against the idea, but I don't think I can stand knowing for ever that Holly will be my last.

Thanks again

L x

Hi

I'm in the same boat as you.  My ds is 2 in 3 weeks and we were trying for #2 last year but then dh was away for 6 weeks and decided he didn't want another when he got back.  I was gutted and then fell pregnant - I was over the moon but he wasn't too happy, unfortunately I lost it (on my birthday) and was devastated but kind of dealing with it.

Now 2 of the women in my old postnatal group are pregnant and I'm feeling a bit odd about it - I'm pleased for them but I feel a bit jealous and I don't like feeling like that.

On the other hand, I love my son dearly and don't know how I would cope with another baby - at least last year the decision was taken out of my hands!!!

I just don't know what to do, but I too couldn't bear to know for sure that there wouldn't be another baby ever.

Anne

Hi

I was interested in your message as I too am wondering whether or not to have another one. Ds will be 2 in July and my dh and I have decided to have a serious talk about another one then. I love my ds to bits and do not want him to have to share my attention with another baby but I keep thinking about him growing up as an only child and him being lonely. When I see him playing with his cousin who is 6 I can see he really needs a playmate about. I really don't know if I could love another baby as much as I love Ben but I have been told that a lot of women feel that way. Whenever I find out a friend or relative is pregnant I feel really jealous and broody but this disappears after a few days and I think to myself that we are lucky to have been through the constant feeding and sleepless nights and it won't be long until Ben is out of nappies. My dh would have another one tomorrow without a moments thought but I am not so sure. I was hoping someone here would have the answer and I sometimes feel we should just go for it without thinking too much into it. Also a close friend is due a baby in July and I am hoping when I see the new baby a decision will be made for me. I hope I haven't made anyone feel more confused with my rabblings!!!

Lisa 

hiya everyone,

for me its particulaly hard because i have a 2 yr old son and a 6 yr old step daughter she stays with us every other weekend and my son breaks his heart when she has to go home and doesnt stop asking for her till the next time she comes to us,he loves playing with my friends children and when they try to go home he grabs hold of thier mum and crys for them to stay so i know my son really wants and needs a sibling but my partner doesnt agree and it makes me so sad hearing my son crying for his sister i have cried myself(soppy cow lol) its not like women can have children whenever they like but men can have children till they die almost!! anyway just wanted to talk and am glad to see its not just my partner whos unhelpfull lets say :)

My father in law reckons babies are programmed to be extra cute at two so that you forget all the sleepless nights and go for it again....he had four by the way? I have stopped at one because I know I can give him my all and am too old to be doing it again! Seriously you need to ask yourself why you want to bring another life into the world and follow your heart

Hi

This is my first message also.  My problem is not will I have enough love to go round but will I have the energy for another baby.  My son is very good but was still hard work at times.  And as everyone else has said, all my friends and colleages who have a child the same age as my son (1 year & 1 month) are expecting their second child or have already given birth.

Oh the decisions us mothers have to make!!!!!!!

Just want to add, I have 2 now and for a long time dh didnt want a 2nd, he didnt think he could love another like he did our son, said son was 'perfect' and why risk it etc etc. For a while I wasnt bothered but as ds approached 2 I was so broody and really wanted another, in the end he agreed. We had a daughter who is 10 mths now, dh struggled a bit at first with the whole newborn bit again but he has got so much closer to over over recent months.

I love having 2 and although its hard, the little moments when they share a cuddle or play makes it so worthwhile.

At the end of the day you have to decide what you both want, not do what everyone else is doing,

Lynne

After ds was born in 1999 I knew I wanted a big gap before no 2, so that I could cope with being a mum and having to work 4 days a week.  DH would have been happy with 1 especially as we had passed sleepless nights etc, but I always knew I wanted 2 and so when dd was born (feel so lucky to have 1 of each) my son was 5 and starting school. It was great to have the day with the baby and not have to cope with 2 children all the time.  What I hadn't anticipated was the jealous reaction that my son felt after dd was born.  I had forgotten he had had me all those years to himself and he couldn't stand the noise and disruption she made.  It was really hard for the first few weeks but once he got used to her things got better.  I'm still really pleased I waited and didn't have 2 close together, but what is right for one family may not be right for another.  What I have noticed with having 2 is that they create entertainment for eachother.  My dd loves to watch ds messing around and it means I don't have to entertain her constantly.

Hi Lorraine,

I have a 17 month old, my other half has been broody since she was 8 months old! I do not feel ready to have another one and I'm not sure if I want another pregnancy to get through (first one was hell, sickness til 22 weeks, pre-eclampsia, hardly any amniotic fluid, breech, had to wear splints on my wrists!).

On a selfish note though himself came up with a good argument the other day - when we are old, grey and beyond poor Caitlin would have to deal with it on her own. I don't want her to have to do that - my Nan died a couple of years ago and seeing how my mum and her sister worked together has made me think differently about having another baby. Sorry, it's a strange reason.

I keep thinking it's a selfish reason to have another as I am very happy as we are, I get scared there will not be enough love for another baby. I'm sure a lot of other mothers with only one child feel the same?

I hope you can convince your hubby, I'm sure he will cave in soon!

Kind regards,

Collette. X

 

I know exactly how you feel, my ds is 16 months old and I started feeling broody about 5 months ago. I didn't plan my pregnancy, I didn't particularly enjoy being pregnant and I suffered from a very rare but almost fatal illness after the birth but I just felt that it would be nice if Kai could have a brother or sister to grow up with and if I'm going to have another then I don't want a big age gap between them. He's now 16 mo's and my partner is more than willing to have more kids but I'm a bit afraid of the consequences of another pregnancy. There is nothing to say that I would contract this illness again but I think its normal that when you've been through something so tough you don't want to repeat the experience etc.

Also, we live abroad with our ds and we're going to have to pay for private schooling etc, if we have another I don't think we could afford to stay here and enjoy the standard of living we do now but neither of us really wants to move back home.

I'm soooo confused and I can't really talk to my parents or friends because the minute I mention another baby they look at me as though I'm nuts.

 

Hi-  hope you don't mind me butting in - obviously I haven't got one child lol!

I just wanted to say when I fell pg with dd2, I was totally terrified - I thought I'd ruined our family, wouldn't be able to love dd1 as much, how could I love another child etc., but it was the best thing we could have done! L&H are best friends, and now absolutely adore dd3, and that made having dd3 easier, because L&H still had each other so dd3 wasn't a threat/disruption etc.. It is fantastic having my three girlies, and yes it is hard work sometimes, but that makes it so rewarding, and as far as loving them goes, they are all so different and individual it wouldn't be possible not to love them. Also if one is playing up you still have two other nice ones lol!!

My niece is 4 months older than Lydia and is constantly asking her mother why she hasn't got brothers or sisters and can she have one, and it's upsetting.

Obviously it's a massive decision to make and you can't change it, but I feel so complete now and our family has felt better and more solid and complete with each child.

Hope I haven't said anything out of turn, just wanted to add my perspective

Christa  

"Just do it!"

That's my motto :)  I share the feelings of everyone who's written, but I'm sure I will find time and love and everything else to care for 2.  It seems like a hard decision to make, but I'm hoping that once nr 2 has arrived, we can't imagine life any other way.

Oh my gosh I have been posting on the wrong forum, also I am in limbo about what to do, I have a 15 month old, who I love dearly, but I can't imagine just having one baby, and after I am 30 I don't want to have any kids, it's just my own personal peference. I keep thinking shall I shant I?? It is driving me mad, also my hubbie isn't showing a great deal of interest, I don't think he wants another, but if I told him how I felt he might change his mind. I have been broody since my dd was 11 months! Really don't know what to do! I don't think my mum wants anymore grandkids either, see why i'm an only child. I am really worried I wouldn't cope, and would suffer with bad PND again.
http://www.GlitterMaker.com/ - Glitter Graphics







Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com

Hi

I've just read all these posts and I'm so pleased I'm not the only one feeling like this! Daisy was 2 in August and she's wonderful but all my friends already have or are pregnant with no 2 - up until last month I'd been saying never but all of a sudden I seem to be changing my mind. She's not a great sleeper it's a bit on and off so I kind of figure I can't get much more tired anyway. Might be wrong though! My dh says all those things like she is all he needs, won't love another one, money, etc etc, but I really feel I got so much out of having my brother and close cousins, I love them to bits, and I want her to have that if I can, but what worries me is if I will cope with it. We always kind of assumed we'd have more than one but it's such a shock we then started thinking maybe one was enough!!

I might sound really selfish but I had really bad PND and I'm so scared it'll happen again and this time it will hurt Daisy's little world too. Also had horrid pg, not as bad as some of those I read about on your posts but I also had splints on my wrists, and I felt really sick until she was 3 weeks old believe it or not. Apparently quite unusual but you never know might happen again.

Another really selfish problem is that I put on 2 stone after she was born - cos I was sick for so long I didn't put much on during pg but then one day I woke up and didn't feel sick and with the PND and tiredness etc I just didn't stop eating, I'm trying and have joined Weight Watchers but not doing brilliantly really. Terrified of getting pg again at this weight, feel pressured to lose it beforehand, hubby hates me being big although he tries not to show it he DOESN'T succeed and I feel pretty revolting to him. But also pressure from my Mum who says I'm a selfish cow if I stick to one child, shouldn't have had dd if she was going to be an only child, I think that's rubbish but somehow when it's your mum it has an effect.

We've had a lot of stress in the past few years with money and houses, loads of building work (built a new house from scratch while I was pg, no money, hideous time but we've sold it and made money on it) and are now doing a huge renovation job, living in chaos but better off than before.

God this is really long sorry everyone but just wanted to say I'm also feeling the same, maybe one of us will take the plunge and tell the others how it feels!!

Sarah x

Hi Ladies,

Really interesting to read all your posts, surprised how many of us have the same concerns re having another baby.  Our DD turned 2 in September and for the past few months I've started to feel broody again, cooing over friends' new arrivals!

Luckily DH is also quite positive about having another but, not unlike me, is very worried about the potential of experiencing PND for a second time.  Just as you were saying Sarah it would have further implications if it were to happen again as it would have a huge effect on our DD, which seems unfair.  But equally I don't want her growing up as an only child, my mum was an only child and quite happy until my Nana recently passed away and she suddenly felt very alone, even though surrounded by us all,  for me it adds to the argument to have a second child.  I am very close to my Sister who is 4 years younger than me and I cannot imagine growing up w/o her, I'd like to give my DD the chance to share that same special bond with a sibling.

I know what you mean re weight gain tho Sarah, as I'm attending slimming world now in order to lose a couple of stone, put on during the past two years (weight gain least of worries last yr during PND).  I do have concerns re financial implications but I don't think sufficiently to put me off.............

.......Well after my ramble, baby no.2 sounds like quite a good idea to me!  Would love to hear if any of you who've previously posted here have taken the plunge?!!

Sarah x x

<a target="_wblink" href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/pic/060629/fqEG.jpg" alt="Lilypie 2nd Birthday Pic" width="53" height="71" border="0" /><img src="http://b2.lilypie.com/ZV3cp1.png" alt="Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker" border="0" width="400" height="80" /></a>

Sorry about that ticker.....

<a target="_wblink" href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b3.lilypie.com/-BZr0.png" alt="Lilypie 3rd Birthday Ticker" border="0" width="400" height="80" /></a>

Hi….

 

I am writing from RDF Television, makers of C4’s hit programme, Wife Swap.

 

We’re currently making a new series and we’re taking the programme back to its documentary roots, looking in an observational way at family life in the UK and celebrating different lifestyles in modern Britain.

 

This series, we want to feature a mum or dad with just one child who can educate another family (and the viewing public) about their lifestyle.  We want to gain a real insight into what it’s like to be an only child. 

 

Wife Swap is an amazing experience – not only does it offer the chance to showcase your lifestyle, it’s also an opportunity to experience someone else's in a unique way.

 

I wondered if you knew of anyone who maybe interested in taking part and it would be absolutely amazing if you could send this email round to your members to give the individual a chance to decide if they would like to take part

 

Any help would be most appreciated

 

I look forward to hearing from anyone interested

 

Kind Regards

 

Rachael

Rachael.stubbins@rdfmedia.com

Hi….

 

I am writing from RDF Television, makers of C4’s hit programme, Wife Swap.

 

We’re currently making a new series and we’re taking the programme back to its documentary roots, looking in an observational way at family life in the UK and celebrating different lifestyles in modern Britain.

 

This series, we want to feature a mum or dad with just one child who can educate another family (and the viewing public) about their lifestyle.  We want to gain a real insight into what it’s like to be an only child. 

 

Wife Swap is an amazing experience – not only does it offer the chance to showcase your lifestyle, it’s also an opportunity to experience someone else's in a unique way.

 

I wondered if you knew of anyone who maybe interested in taking part and it would be absolutely amazing if you could send this email round to your members to give the individual a chance to decide if they would like to take part

 

Any help would be most appreciated

 

I look forward to hearing from anyone interested

 

Kind Regards

 

Rachael

Rachael.stubbins@rdfmedia.com