 News
15th September 2008
Mums do have favouritesAlthough most
mums deny it, a large number have a favourite child. Sixteen per cent of
those who took part in an online survey - roughly one in six - confessed to loving
one child more than the rest. Around half of the 1,000 respondents said
they love their children equally but in different ways while only one third disclosed
that they have the same affection for all their offspring. Experts say
that women often find it hard to bond with the eldest child as this is their first
experience of motherhood and it can be traumatic. Other children become
favourites as they are just more likeable and cause their parents less trouble.
The study found that few women would openly admit to having favourites
because they are ashamed. According to counsellors, the only reason favouritism
is such a taboo subject is that there is very little research into its causes.
Christine Duff, of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy,
said: 'Sadly I hear this all the time. It is something which causes women intense
shame and guilt. 'Mothers need to know that it is not uncommon to struggle
to bond with one or more children and that it can be worked on. 'I have
found that often those mothers who have told me that they love one child over
another also very often report dissatisfaction with how their relationship with
their partners has changed. 'It often seems to me to be about unrealistic
expectations of life, love, motherhood and themselves combined with an overly
harsh self-judgment.' Being a favourite doesn't necessarily get you the
best start in life. Dr Martina Klett-Davies, a sociologist who specialises
in sibling relationships, said: 'If there is a favourite child they probably become
too spoiled and find it difficult in later life. 'But the imbalance could
prepare siblings for unfairness in later life when you leave the family circle
by teaching them to be fighters.' One noted example of a mummy's favourite
is said to be Prince Andrew. He was born in 1960, after Prince Charles
and Princess Anne but before Prince Edward. The Duke of York is said to
be the Queen's preferred child as he was the first baby in 103 years to have been
born to a reigning monarch. Andrew is said to have made his mother very
proud when he joined the Royal Navy in 1978. Despite her great affection
for him, the Queen was said to be so determined he fight for his country that
she insisted that he remained aboard his ship HMS Invincible when the Falklands
War broke out in 1982, even though there was a chance that he would be killed
in action. Where to next? | 
