  The 'terrible two's' is a period when reasoning with your child may seem completely fruitless - and often it is. When a tantrum hits, the best you can really do is have a few handy responses at the ready… Preparing for battle Before you find yourself with a toddler who is lying screaming in a supermarket aisle it is important to plan your reaction. Will you drop your shopping and dash to the car? Will you ignore it or try to negotiate? Or will you grab the nearest packet of biscuits and shove a couple in her mouth? When dealing with tantrums it's important to understand why they happen. More often than not, it is when a toddler feels thwarted and very frustrated. She wants something, she wants it now and she does not have the ability to understand AT ALL why that might not be possible. So where does that leave you? Be firm but flexible If you want your child to do something they don't want to do, provide incentives. For example, persuade a toddler to leave the park by offering Teletubbies when you get home - let them feel they are doing what they want to do. For your own sanity, tell her that you will both be going out before you actually have to leave. There is nothing worse for you (and your child) than having to drag her kicking and screaming. Give yourselves the chance to sort out any potential scenes there and then. Pick up on signs and try to find out what the problem is. If your child throws a fit every time you're taking her to nursery, is it because she's being naughty or is it because she really doesn't like it there or she doesn't want to leave you? Either way you can find a solution: talk to the nursery or spend, say, an extra 15 minutes in the morning with her. Some children can tell you what the problem is. Acknowledging their emotions often diffuses the situation. 'I know you are cross that a child took your toy' type of sentence sounds corny but works wonders. Negotiation can work, too. When your toddler asks for something, avoid a blanket 'no' - explain why it is not possible. Find compromises, which suit you both. Your child desperately wants pink patent shoes, but you want sensible navy boots. Perhaps you can buy the boots and throw in some cheap pink canvas sandals as well? That way you both end up happy. Above all, DO NOT make empty threats. Warning your screaming child that she will not get any Christmas presents unless she stops yelling may shut her up, but she will soon learn to disregard your discipline if you don't follow through. Winning the war If there is no compromise, use distraction - point out a dog, a bus, a flower, anything! There is usually something that will keep a toddler occupied long enough for the storm to blow over. Tantrums can be funny but try not to laugh. Your child may feel hurt at being laughed at or may think his behaviour is being applauded. Either way the result will be the same, more tantrums and they'll stop being funny fast. And finally... Remember it is a passing phase, most of us will have thrown a toddler tantrum or two - just ask your mum! Jessica Foster |
