To work or not to work?That, indeed, is the question that many mothers and fathers ask themselves after the birth of their first child. We take a look at the issues you may be facing when making that crucial decision.
Emotional turmoilWhen you're pregnant for the first time, life with a baby is hard to imagine. You may be convinced that when maternity leave kicks in you're going to give up work for several years to concentrate on raising your kids. On the other hand, you may think that you'll take three months off and then return to work, either full time or part time, and juggle parenting with your career. No one can prepare you for the emotional impact that having your first child can bring. One woman I spoke to said she was convinced that she would go back to work three months after giving birth and put her daughter into nursery. She'd made the decision early on in the pregnancy but found, when the time came, she couldn't bear the thought of leaving her little girl at such a young age so left the place till her daughter was six months old. She was amazed that she had changed her opinion so much between pregnancy and giving birth and acknowledged that it might be best not to make such a hard and fast decision so early on. Some mothers swear blindly that they'll have their noses to the grindstone as soon as possible after the birth but completely surprise themselves, their families and their employers by changing their mind about their jobs, preferring to stay at home full time until their children go to school. They pour all the energy they used in their careers into raising their children, perhaps finding that this is their true vocation in life. Equally you may find some women who swore that they would always stay at home to look after the children desperate to have some time to themselves, to function in another capacity than being a mum. They go out and find full- or part-time work to have a break from their responsibilities at home, surprised that they changed their views so radically. The key point in all of this is that you can never know exactly how you'll feel until you find yourself in the situation so it's best to keep an open mind about this and deal with things as and when they arise. Can you afford (not) to?It's all very well saying sit tight and wait until the time comes to make your mind up about returning to work but the stark reality is many of us cannot afford to. Such decision-making is a luxury for some families, who desperately need two salaries to cope with increasing living costs and who simply could not take the dramatic drop in money that losing one person's salary would entail. Sometimes compromises can be made, such as the mother or father working part time instead of full time so they can strike a balance between work and childcare commitments. However, it can be hard to deal with, especially when deep down you know you would rather be at home raising your child rather than entrusting someone else with this job. The question is it better to be poorer and happier or better off financially but regretting every lost moment? Child tax credits and working tax credits have helped ease the financial burden on some families. However, there are just as many who haven't seen much benefit from these. In particular, parents who would like to stay at home with their children often feel frustrated that there is no financial provision to help them do so. Ironically, this then throws up another question: can you afford the childcare costs? With nursery places costing anywhere from £400-£1,000 per month for part-time and full-time places, respectively, this is a hefty whack to come out of someone's salary package. A childminder can be a cheaper option but they might not offer such reliability of care (eg if they are off sick) or such flexible hours as a nursery might. On the other hand, the cost of having two young children in a nursery can be akin to bankruptcy, forcing parents to consider alternative forms of childcare such as hiring a nanny. Another question you have to ask yourself is "Is it worth going back to work for such a pittance?" Many parents find that by the time they have forked out childcare costs, they may have £200 at the most left over. Time for yourselfFor many mums and dads, childcare costs are worth the financial sacrifice if it means they can have a small slice of time to themselves each week, something to call their own. One friend of mine says although she's virtually losing out financially by going back to work she needs two or three days a week to use her brain in another capacity other than child rearing. There's another aspect too: what if you've invested a lot of your time (and possibly money) developing your career? It's hard throwing that all away for four or five years while you raise your children 24/7. Sometimes mums are criticised for daring to put something like a career before their children but why should they lose something they have worked so hard to gain? This is particularly true if you are self-employed; it takes a long time to gain reliable clients and to establish a mutually trusting relationship. All that can go down the pan in a matter of months, not years, if you're not working. After all, if you can't do the work, then they have to find someone who can. Equally, if you have been steadily working up the career ladder at work it can be galling to let all that effort go to waste. Full time or part time?However, this is where you might start feeling the pressure. If you are adamant that you'd like to return to work you'll need to seriously consider whether your chances of progression could be hindered by your decision to return full or part time. Many employers will say that their top jobs need someone full-time to deal with the problems that occur five days a week, not just during the two or three that you may be working. There is many a mum who thinks that her chances for promotion were spoilt by the fact that she decided to go back to work on a part-time basis. There has also been a lot of talk about mums having to take on more menial positions or even agree to a demotion from their pre-motherhood job because they could not be in the office five days a week, 9am-5pm. It seems some mums feel grateful to their employers for offering them anything so they accept that a reduced salary, fewer benefits and loss of career status. They are scared to ask for what they deserve. However, mums are good, reliable and hard workers, whom employers should be trying to support. They cannot do so unless they know how you are feeling and what you need from them. One woman told me that in her company she cannot progress beyond her current position because she only works three days a week and managers always work five. But why not sit down with her boss and look for other ways in which to advance her career? It may not be in a managerial capacity but employers can be creative in finding other jobs and titles that reflect the commitment an employee has shown. The fact that you are interested in advancing your career with the company is proof of your commitment to them and should be viewed in a good light by both parties. A complete change of sceneYou may find that becoming a mum has radically changed your views on your job or career. Some mums, desperate to spend as much time with their babies and toddlers as possible, find other ways of earning money or keeping their brain engaged in a non-parenting capacity. It might be working a couple of night shifts at a supermarket or bar to bring in the cash while their partner looks after the children, hence getting rid of the need for external childcare. For other women, having children makes them reassess their entire lifestyle and career choices. This is often the time when they will make a complete career break, often starting their own business, such as party planning, where they can fit the hours round their family commitments. Other mums return to study, either to give themselves a new interest or to train themselves in a different field altogether. Embarking on motherhood is full of worries, doubts and emotional pulls but if you can keep a sense of perspective and an open mind, the world could be your oyster. You can seek advice on childcare through Sure Start, www.surest art.gov.uk Where to next?
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