Keeping it in the family
Your shout
Do Babyworld members use their relatives for childcare purposes?
"It gives my father a post-retirement purpose
in life"
"My father has Joseph for two mornings a week while I do Tai Chi and
have a singing lesson. It works very well for us as Joseph loves my father.
It gives my father a post-retirement purpose in life, and I get free childcare."
Fredi
"We'll probably use family some of the time"
"We've been talking about what childcare arrangements we will make after
I've had the baby and go back to work and we're thinking along the lines
of the baby going to nursery for three days a week and my mum and Justin's
sister-in-law having him or her for the other days."
gnpreggers
"I haven't once had a problem with my mother-in-law"
"My mother-in-law looks after my two-year-old daughter every Wednesday.
I work part-time Monday to Wednesday and she's in nursery on Monday and
Thursday. This has been the arrangement for over a year now and works
really well. I haven't once had a problem where we haven't met eye to
eye on something. This is mainly because my mother-in-law is a wonderful
woman who recognises that my daughter is my child and I ultimately make
the decisions about her care.
"I'm also quite relaxed if she wants to do something a bit differently
as long as it doesn't interfere with my daughter's sleeping/eating routine.
I ask my mother-in-law's advice a lot and as she knows my daughter really
well because of being alone with her so regularly and has had three children
of her own she's often really helpful.
"However, this would never work with my own mother, who I clash with
quite a lot.I wouldn't dream of setting up this kind of arrangement with
her as I disagree on a lot of her child-rearing methods and wouldn't trust
her to follow my guidelines.
"My daughter really benefits because she has a strong relationship with
someone other than her parents and they go to places and do things we
wouldn't necessarily do/think of, e.g. visiting museums, bringing home
pine cones from the park and painting them etc. It also means we're happy
to leave her with my in-laws overnight once or twice a year so my husband
and I can have some time for ourselves."
Katie
"It's a lot to ask relatives"
"I'm not in a position to need childcare on a regular basis, but my sister-in-law
has always used my mother-in-law for the childcare of her two children.
They are now at school, but dropping off and collection duties are still
the grandparents' responsibility. "I think it was a good thing in a way
as the children were familiar with where they were going, they felt loved
and cared for, and it was one-on-one attention, which for young children
I believe is a huge benefit. The downside in this case was the restriction
placed on the adults. I don't think the children could have gained anything
more from being in a nursery or childminder's environment and I do think
that second best to their parents it is a family member, but it is a lot
to ask of relatives and not something I would be comfortable doing."
Samantha
"Lots of people come to me after their family arrangements
have failed"
"I don't use childcare for my own children but, as a childminder myself,
I have quite a few people who come to me having had their 'family' arrangement
terminated. Normally because of a clash between the parent and the family
member over 'rules'. Often there is a more lax arrangement too, which
means the parent can get let down at short notice."
Kaye
"We'll do a bit of both"
"When I go back to work next year, my son will go to a nursery every
morning then be collected at lunchtime by his granddad, who will look
after him all afternoon. My father-in-law did offer to quit his part-time
job to care for my son full time but I felt that this was too much to
ask and I wanted my son to have the interaction and friendships from being
in a nursery. We have started leaving our son with his grandparents for
short periods, even overnight on our wedding day, and he absolutely loves
being with them. I'm quite pleased about our care arrangements as it means
my son will have a really close relationship with a wonderful grandfather!"
Aly
"I would never ask on a regular basis"
"I used to use my mum on the odd days I needed to go in to work early,
or maybe at a weekend if my husband had to work too but I would never
ask her on a regular basis; they are my children and not her responsibility,
she has done her childrearing days! If I asked her I know she would say
yes but I know that deep down she would rather not do it. She does work
at the minute so she couldn't do it yet anyway. "I speak to a lot of grannies
who look after their grandchildren. Some love it and wouldn't have it
any other way, others say they struggle and would rather not have them
quite as much but of course they can't tell their children this, for fear
of upsetting them.
"I know my three are always on the go and wanting things. My mum's not
that old at 53, but when she has had them overnight she is very pleased
to send them home and then she nods off for the rest of the day!"
Wendy
"I only use relatives for childcare"
"I only use relatives for childcare. My parents have mine for two days
a week and I find it works best all round for us. For years before I had
my children my mother would always say she would retire and look after
my children so I could go back to work. As it happens, I took that long
to get round to having my family that she'd retired just days before I
got my surprise positive! I have offered to get other childcare but she
will not hear of it and that makes me happy as I trust her completely.
"The only time she has 'let me down' is when she was ill once and I just
took the day off which is OK for me to do. My parents and my children
adore each other and that makes me very happy indeed."
Sandra
"Grandparents have already spent a huge part
of their lives raising kids"
"I wouldn't use relatives, no. I think grandparents have spent a huge part
of their lives bringing their own children up. It's best if they get to
enjoy their grandkids by spending time with them in the 'fun' sense: family
visits, dinners, and the odd day of babysitting."
spanner
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