Mums back at work: how you might feelHow are you feeling today? Guilty? Tired? Relieved? Or perhaps just strangely ambivalent? If you're one of the nearly three quarters of new mums who return to work, then the chances are you're feeling all that and more. Swapping nappy duties for office duties, and sick-stained tees for smart work clothes gives a whole new meaning to new parent confusion. Read on to find out how your re-entry into the workforce can leave you feeling.
When knackered doesn't even come closeWe all know how exhausted new mums feel - disturbed sleep, raging hormones and the demands of a tiny baby - but throw a working day into the equation and that exhaustion takes on a whole new meaning. Mothers returning to work suddenly fully understand the use of sleep deprivation as a form of torture. As a working mother of one, celebrity nutritionist and author of Yummy Baby, Jane Clarke says, "I sometimes get so over-tired that I struggle to go to sleep even though I desperately need to. It's had me in tears at times." Part of the problem, as any working mum knows, is that the end of the office work day is still several hours from the end of a mother's work day - feeding, cuddles, playtime, bath time, and bedtime, and that's all before the household chores begin! Mother of two, Louise says, "I find it ridiculous that I am so tired and struggling to cope." But the truth is, exhaustion is perfectly normal for working mothers. Emma agrees. "I am permanently shattered. I get up early with DH each morning to get things done and I am near on passing out with tiredness by the time I get home." Desperately missing babyEven the most organised mother can't plan for emotions, and many mums desperately miss their baby when they return to work, especially in the early days. Author and Human Resources expert, Liz Ryan says, "There's a lot of hormonal stuff going on. It's extremely common for mums to drive in to their first day back at work with tears streaming down their cheeks." One Babyworld mum is facing these exact emotions. She says, "I want to be at home with him, seeing all the firsts - first steps, first word etc. I am feeling so jealous of the nursery staff who will be spending more time with my son than me. I worry that he will start seeing them as his mummy and that I won't be his 'favourite' anymore." In his book Complete Idiot's Guide to Bringing Up Baby, Kevin Osborne says, "Take heart. Separating usually gets easier after the first few times. You'll learn that your child did survive and will survive. You'll recognise that she appears relatively unscathed. And you'll be relieved to see that she seems just as happy to see you as ever." Guilty pleasuresEvery mother returning to work experiences some degree of guilt, whether it's guilt for leaving your baby, or guilt for enjoying some time away and being just you again. Mum of two, Anna, is torn between her children and going back to work. She says, "I just feel guilty because I want to be there for my children, but I also want a career and I can't do both fulltime." Parent coach Lorraine Thomas says that guilt is an entirely wasted emotion and that mothers who return to work should "Feel good, not guilty." "Get things in perspective," she says. "Don't convince yourself that your child is not happy just because they are not spending every moment with you. Your child is learning valuable skills from spending time with others." Bursting forthAs well as the emotional upheaval, returning to work can lead to some pretty uncomfortable physical conditions, especially if you're breastfeeding. Remember your full, hard, lumpy breasts during the early days of breastfeeding? Well, it's perfectly normal to experience it all again when you return to work and suddenly have to cut out one or more breastfeeds. On my first nightshift back to work after my second son, a slightly anxious man was questioning me about his upcoming surgery. It was around the time I normally fed my son his night feed, and as I explained the procedures I noticed my patient's eyes straying to my bust. Looking down I was horrified to see that the physical heaviness I was feeling had manifested itself into the poppers on my uniform bursting open behind the strain. I looked more like something out of 'Carry on Nursing' than a ward sister! Find out more here about breastfeeding and working here. The NHS Guide to Breastfeeding and Work leaflet explains what obligations your employers have to enable you to continue to breastfeed at work. What else has changed?Along with the guilt, the fatigue, and the aching boobs, returning to work after maternity leave is a bit like your first day at school. While you've been adapting to your role as a new mother your work world has continued on as usual. There may be new faces, new company policies, or new ways of doing things, and all of a sudden, no matter how long you worked there before maternity leave, you feel like the 'newbie'. Life coach Amanda Alexander says, "Returning to work after extended maternity leave is, for many women, traumatic. Not only do you have to face the fear of the unknown, there is the emotional upheaval of leaving your baby, the adjustment to your new role as mother, the organisation required to even get out of the house and the worry. "You also have to deal with the process of ramping up to work mode. I am amazed that this major period of readjustment is not amongst the top causes of stress along with divorce and moving house!" Dads at workSo how do dads feel returning to work after their baby is born? Although dads are entitled to two weeks' paternity leave, only one in five actually take it, and of those more than half only take one week. Telegraph columnist Rachel Johnson says, "Nature gears up women to want to look after babies, and men to want to provide. "I do believe that all those hormones do something to the mental faculties to ready the gravid female to the mind-numbing routine of the early years." Whilst some dads may be very happy to get back to work as author Rob Kemp, explains some men's thinking behind being at home with a baby. Talking about paternity leave he says, "Two weeks off work. (Whoopee!). At home looking after a crying, pooing, ravenous infant. (Boo) " Author of parenting books, Stephen Giles, puts a more practical and positive way forward for dads to get back to work after the two-week blur of paternity leave! How to cope with your working weekBelieve it or not you can survive your return to work and it does get easier. Some things to consider before you go back to work;
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