Let's talk about sex!

You lot really like to talk about sex! We received an amazing response to our steamy survey, from parents and parents-to-be, and couldn't wait to share the eyebrow-raising results with you …

• How often (and where) you have sex
• Do kids kill passion?
• Shake things up!
• Staying safe
• Sex, aids and videotapes
• Who is your sex God?

Mention sex and parenting in the same breath and it becomes something of a joke. Magazine articles promise that you can have the sex of your life after the birth of your children but, as we have seen in our survey, this is often, sadly, not the case. We wanted to find out what really happens behind the doors of babyworld members' bedrooms (without getting arrested) and hope you are as intrigued as we were with the findings.

Work, childcare, night feeds and toddler groups all take their toll on both your energy levels and diaries. With so many competing priorities, how do you find time for some passionate loving? Unsurprisingly, only 6% of you have sex once a day, while, a bit more worryingly, 18% of you say making love happens only once in a blue moon! The rest of the results were pretty evenly split, with a very decent number saying they have sex several times per week (25%) or at least once a week (24%). At the lower end of the scale, 14% say once a fortnight is their limit for ardent amour, while 11% reckon once a month is more realistic.

Having children might also affect your locations for loving too, as 54% admit that they always have sex in the bedroom, in their bed. While a risk factor often puts more zing into a steamy session, the chance of being discovered by your toddler in the throws of passion are a turn off, rather than a turn on! Around 35% of you do have sex where the mood takes you, but this is always in the house (pushchairs, babies, change bags etc make spontaneity rather difficult), while 10% still do manage to make love anywhere and everywhere, which is no mean feat…

Having kids doesn't seem to have dulled your enjoyment of sex, with 57% of you saying that you have always enjoyed a good romp - then and now! Nearly 18% claim to enjoy it more so now than ever … what's your secret?! Around 16% admit that you used to find sex pleasurable but you're just not interested anymore, while 9% don't like sex but do it to keep their partner happy.

As for frequency, unsurprisingly most of you do have sex less often now you have kids, with 37% claiming tiredness as the main culprit. Others (32%) say it is difficult to find a time and a place to get intimate with their partner, which goes to show that parenting and passion are not compatible! A quarter of you say you have the same amount of sex as you always have done, which is good news, while only 7% actually have more sex. No surprises here!

Despite claims that parents can have a spicy sex life, the reality is that 62% of you say your love life is in need of a shake-up. The remaining 33% are happy enough with their sexual relationships. However, we did have lots of answers about what would make sex better for you! The biggest factor by far was not to be so tired - something which we can all empathise with! Many of you (59%) also feel very unhappy and unconfident about your body image, which makes you feel unattractive. These were some of the comments:

• "A guarantee that the phone wouldn't ring!"
• "My hubby slowing down a bit!"
• "Not having a massive bump in the way!"
• "To feel better about myself in general by losing excess weight and to make 'us' time."
• "I feel we are in such a rush to get it over and done with before we get caught by our daughter."
• "Having more time with my partner, feeling less flabby and saggy (not so much weight loss as everything being stretched beyond redemption), feeling as if my partner actually wanted me - he works away from home a lot and is very tired too at weekends."
• "Finding more time to be 'me', like relaxing in a bath or taking time to read a book. Being able to be something other than 'mum' for a while would make me feel sexier. Also, its difficult to be able to get away from the kids for long enough to be intimate, and when we do find time all we want to do is sleep!"
• "A little more time to myself to make me feel a bit more like a woman and less than a mum! Men always want sex, I have to be in the mood - it takes a bit more than a cuddle!"

When you do manage to have sex with your partner, the Pill came out as your preferred method of contraception, with 31% choosing it. Using nothing came a close second with 30%, while condoms were chosen by around 20%. Coils and IUDs were not very popular, at 5.2%.

Although women are supposed to enjoy fantasising about other people during sex, only 30% of you admitted that you did do this. Carrying on in the same romantic vein, only 21% of you would have a passionate fling if you could without being caught. And it does seem true that women find personality the most sexy attribute, with this scoring 41%. We wished we hadn't put this in as an option as we would have liked to have a more physical attribute leading the way! Faces and bums proved popular, both with 22% of the vote, while legs and muscles scored pretty badly, with 4% and 9% respectively.

Sex and the City made the Rampant Rabbit a very popular bedside toy with women and we wanted to see if any of you had used any form of sexual aid to spice up your lovemaking. Plenty of you did! DVDs were popular, disproving the saying that women are not stimulated visually. Vibrators were equally popular with respondents. Less common, but interesting, were the admissions by some people that handcuffs, whips and kinky outfits were essential components of their foreplay! Here is a selection of your comments:

• "We were bought a rather huge vibrator as a wedding present by one of my husband's friends and that's been out of the drawer on occasions, and we've bought underwear and some rather dubious 'outfits' for me!"
• "Sex toys and aids are overrated and get in the way of actually having sex, which is, after all, the best bit!"
• "I have a friendly vibrator called Mr Buzz which we both enjoy using on me."
• "My partner bought me a vibrator for Valentine's Day a couple of years ago, then announced he was going to Australia for three weeks. Best three weeks of my life!!"

This didn't turn up many surprises for us. Typical beauties such as Brad Pitt, Jude Law, Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp, Robbie Williams and George Clooney were conspicuous as being your favourite bit of male totty. Some of the more interesting choices we saw included Craig Doyle, Jeremy Paxman, Eminem and Brian Denehey. Some of you like to choose different aspects of different men to make your ideal sex idol … and why not?! Most heart-warming was the fact that many of you see your partner as your sex God, so beware Brad! Here is a selection of your comments.

• "Don't know - too tired to notice."
• "Nicholas Cage, as he is sexy and funny (dry sarcasm is sexy)."
• "No one particular but prefer older, less 'pretty' men like Liam Neeson and Alan Rickman."
• Tall, dark and handsome, with muscles and a good job."
• "My husband of course! If not him then definitely Il Divo (all of them!!)."
• "Dermot Murnaghan from BBC Breakfast ... well, I see more of him than my husband these days…"
• "Marti Pellows (personality),Tony Adams (eyes), with the physique of a professional rugby league player, usually dark-haired and with quite defined facial features."

• To talk about these findings, visit Discuss, Debate and Deliberate!
• If you're feeling fed up with your body image, read our article on Yummy Mummies
• Make food the way to your heart! Read our article on steamy aphrodisiacs
• Stuck for a Valentine's present check out these Hot buys for naughty girls and guys!