Sex during pregnancy

Sex is an important, often neglected, aspect of a relationship during pregnancy. While some couples find pregnancy adds a new dimension to their sex lives, for others sex causes concern or presents problems.

• Is it safe?
• Levels of desire
• Positions
• Alternatives to sex

Is it safe?

Worries about safety are common - what will happen if the woman has an orgasm? Will the thrusting of the penis harm the baby? Might sexual activity cause a miscarriage?

In fact, there is no medical evidence that sex during pregnancy does any harm whatsoever. The only times you are likely to be advised against having sex are:

• If you have had a tendency to miscarriage. Your GP might suggest that you avoid intercourse for the first three months, or at the times during those months when your period would normally have been due, as your hormone levels may be at their lowest then
• If you have a history of premature labour, you might choose to avoid intercourse during the later stages of pregnancy
• If you have a low-lying placenta, your doctor may suggest you avoid intercourse

Your baby is very well protected by the muscular walls of the uterus, by the bag of waters*, which has a cushioning effect, and by the mucus plug which seals off the neck of the uterus. No injury will occur during gentle, loving sex.

Women often experience mild contractions during arousal and orgasm, but these contractions are not powerful enough to start a labour unless it is imminent.

While sex during pregnancy won't start labour unless the woman's body is ready, nipple stimulation and intercourse are natural ways to help induce labour in late pregnancy if your baby is overdue. The prostaglandins in semen soften the cervix, and hormones released by nipple stimulation encourage the uterus to contract.

Levels of desire

Sexuality and responses to pregnancy differ from person to person. Some couples find it difficult to reconcile the pregnant body with the idea of a sexually attractive woman. Sometimes the woman feels far too ill to feel sexy, or the man is too worried about harming the baby to attempt sex. If you feel like this, it's important that you find a way to express your worries to your partner, so they know it's the sex you have gone off, and not them.

On the other hand, many couples find that sex during pregnancy improves, for a range of reasons:

• Neither of you has to worry about contraceptives
• Women enjoy their freedom from periods and PMS
• Some women find they are more easily aroused, due to the increased blood flow to the pelvic region
• Men enjoy the changing shape of their partner - fuller breasts and rounder hips are the stuff of many male dreams

Positions

Having a large bump can have a positive effect when it comes to intercourse - the missionary position simply doesn't work, so you'll be forced to experiment with other positions, if only for comfort:

• Woman on top - allows the woman to control the amount of penetration, keeps the weight off the bump, gives the man a great view
• Rear entry positions - for example the woman on all fours with the man kneeling behind. Experiment with the position that feels best and take it gently, because this allows more penetration
• Spoons - lie on your side with the woman’s back towards the man’s front, with him entering from behind. This keeps his weight off the bump and makes penetration quite shallow, which some couples prefer during late pregnancy

Alternatives to sex

Many couples find that pregnancy is a time to experiment and develop new ways of making love. Learning how to please each other without penetration can actually improve a couple’s sex life.

You could try relaxing together and gently massaging each other instead:

• Begin with a bath by candlelight, then wrap your partner in warm towels and dry him or her taking care over each part of the body.

• Rub your hands in warm lemon oil (avoid aromatherapy oils in early pregnancy unless you have consulted an aromatherapist) and gently stroke and massage your partner’s limbs, back, shoulders and stomach. You may both feel like sleeping after this, or you may move on to achieve orgasm through external stimulation.
  

Where to next?

• Get the lowdown on keeping the romance alive
• Get hot under the collar with some summer loving
• Chat on the Relationships and sex board

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