Anxiety

Anxiety about the baby

This is the main anxiety for most pregnant women. You may find yourself worrying about whether your baby has any abnormalities, or about him or her dying during pregnancy or labour. You may be anxious about the effect on your baby of drugs or alcohol that you took before you knew you were pregnant. You may even worry about whether you will love your baby, especially if the circumstances in which she or he was conceived were not as you hoped. These are frightening – but entirely normal – fears.

Some women are also anxious about the sex of their baby, especially if you or your partner have strong preferences one way or the other. Or you may worry about whether or not the baby looks like you, especially if there are certain family traits that you would rather avoid. Although these may seem less important worries, they are still very valid.

It is not always easy to talk about these worries to other people, even to your partner. Yours anxieties may therefore express themselves in vivid and disturbing dreams. Dreaming about something does not mean it will come true; it is simply your mind's way of working through things that are worrying you.

Although statistics are not always helpful to individuals, it may be good to know that 95 out of every 100 babies are born without abnormalities. The few babies who are born with abnormalities do not necessarily have major problems, or problems that cannot be treated. Thanks to more healthy lifestyles and (perhaps) to modern screening methods, life-threatening abnormalities are nowadays very rare.

• Many women find that the most helpful way of dealing with their anxieties is talking about them to someone else. The old saying 'a trouble shared, is a trouble halved' is very true! You may feel most comfortable talking to somebody close to you – your partner, your mother or sister, a close friend. Or you may prefer to discuss some things with somebody a little more removed – your midwife, doctor, antenatal teacher, someone you’ve met at classes or in a babyworld discussion group. Sharing your worries may not get rid of them altogether. It may not even give you any real answers. But it can help you feel better about them – especially when you find out that you’re not the only one who has them. (And you may even be helping somebody else with their anxieties by talking about yours!)

Anxiety about labour

Most women facing labour for the first - or even second - time feel very anxious. You may worry about how you will cope with the pain. You may be anxious about losing control, making a fool of yourself, or being naked in front of other people. You may worry about how your partner will cope - or what he or she will think of you. You may be frightened about things going wrong, and harm coming to you or your baby. These fears are very normal.

• Find out as much as you can about what happens in labour - the normal process, and when things go wrong. Mother-and-baby magazines, books, videos, as well as the Internet, are all potentially good sources of information – but beware out-of-date information and scare stories. Antenatal classes will give you sound information, and will teach you practical skills such as relaxation and using alternative positions. Good classes also provide an opportunity to talk about your worries, and make new friends.
• For a few women, the fear of childbirth is overwhelming – to the extent that you have maybe delayed getting pregnant, and now want to give birth by Caesarean section rather than face normal labour. This fear is known as 'tocophobia'. You are not alone! Tell your midwife or doctor about your fears. Research has shown that sympathetic and expert counselling may help a lot. As a last resort, arrangements may be made for your baby to be born by Caesarean section.

Anxiety about being a parent

Becoming a parent is perhaps the most important life change you will ever go through. It is hardly surprising, then, that it causes anxiety on all sorts of different levels. You may worry about practical things like how you will cope with sleepless nights or feeding your baby, or about wider issues like managing financially, increased responsibility, and what it all may mean to your relationship with your partner.

Parenting is something that you learn as you go along. You won’t get it right all the time – no one does. In any case, there is often no right or wrong way to do things – just the way that suits you and your baby. You will learn from the things that go wrong – as well as from the things that go right, and will eventually find a way of parenting that works for you and your family.

• Try to spend some time with a friend or relative who has a small baby. You will pick up some useful hints and ideas – and be reassured that it really doesn't take long to become an expert in the care of your baby.

• Anxieties relating to finance, job security, housing or relationships may have solutions. Your local Citizen Advice Bureau is a good starting point to finding advice and support. Your midwife will also know of appropriate local sources of help.

What else can I do about anxiety?

• Keeping a personal diary can also help. Putting your anxieties in writing may clarify them, and help you make sense of them. It may also help you see your worries in perspective, as you see how things progress and change as the weeks of pregnancy go by.
• It is often easier to cope with mental tension if you can physically relax. Learn a simple relaxation technique and practise it frequently. Consider the benefits of massage, aromatherapy or reflexology (but consult a qualified practitioner). Some women find that yoga helps them relax.
• Physical exercise also has proven benefits in terms of relieving tension, clearing the mind, and promoting wellbeing. Try to get out and about at least once a day. It’s amazing how often solutions present themselves when you are walking in the open air!
• If you find your anxiety turning to panic, try 'Rescue Remedy' – a safe Bach Flower remedy – available from health food shops or chemists. However, if you are experiencing frequent panic attacks, talk to your doctor. More specific support may be needed.

Anxiety alert

For most women, pregnancy is a time of emotional upheaval. It is common, especially in the early weeks, to feel at times anxious and miserable. Hormonal changes may add to feelings of lethargy and dullness. Most women find their mood lifting as the weeks go by, but a few find themselves sinking deeper into real depression.

If you feel this is happening to you, speak with your midwife or doctor. ‘Antenatal depression’ is now a recognised condition – like postnatal depression – and safe treatment is available

Revised by babyworld midwife, Hannah Hulme Hunter November 2000.