'I'm pregnant
not mad, bad and dangerous'
Your hormones are raging and you just want to sleep but somehow you've got to survive being pregnant and going to work. Sarah Kilby offers six vital strategies to help you, and your work colleagues, stay sane during your pregnancy...
- Hormone hell
- Your bump v the boss
- Avoiding deadline dramas
- Snack happy
- Too tired to think
- Don't be a baby bore
- Being the boss
- You're fired!
"Darling, I'm pregnant!" Rarely can three little words make such a
difference to your life and your partner's, but don't forget your workmates in all the excitement. When you tell your boss
and close colleagues, most will be delighted for you... initially. But what you will really need from workmates throughout your pregnancy is their their
continued support and
understanding, which might be hard if you spend half the day in the
toilet and the other half telling people about it. So here's how to get
it right.
Hormone hell
The heady cocktail of pregnancy hormones can turn you from calm co-worker into the office water fountain. The slightest joke or reprimand sends you rushing to the loo in tears (and while you're in there, you have to throw up... again). The next minute you're back, snapping someone's head off. No wonder everyone's
confused.
- Strategy 1: Communicate
Explain, with humour, that the worst of this will be over after the first three months, and could everyone make a few allowances, please? Gillian Fletcher, president of the National Childbirth Trust and a management stress consultant, advises a healthy dose of humility. "Invite feedback ask for people to let you know if you step out of line," she says. "Apologise with good grace, just don't let things fester, because that's when the real blow-ups occur."
Your bump v the boss
Schedule your 'break the good/bad news' meeting with as much care as you
would a tricky business encounter. Fix a time when you have your boss's full
concentration and if you discover she or he's just been blasted for bad
sales figures, reschedule fast!
- Strategy 2: Offer solutions
Anticipate any concerns or questions. Can you assist in finding your replacement? Is there a way of ensuring an important project is finished?
"Be aware of your rights, but not arrogant, even if your boss is ungracious at first", advises Dr Sandi Mann, senior lecturer in occupational psychology at the University of Central Lancashire. "Make it clear you will be as flexible as possible about time off for antenatal appointments, and stress that as a healthy woman you expect your role to be unaffected. Offer to stay in touch during maternity leave (email is easy) and perhaps attend vital meetings, which further shows your commitment."
Avoiding deadline dramas
Once you've got your boss over the initial shock, other concerns will kick in, mainly over your productivity. It's important to demonstrate you're no less of a worker, but if you've got a big project to finish and you're struggling with tiredness and/or nausea, your stress levels will rise along with tension among co-workers.
- Strategy 3: Take the initiative
Suggest some alternative working arrangements to your boss before deadlines are missed. Many pregnant women find travelling to and from work in the first and third trimester draining. Is there a way you could work from home some days?
Snack happy
Your pregnancy nausea is over, only to be replaced with the worst case of munchies you've ever had! Beware becoming champion of the sweetie shop run - you'll put on more pounds than you walk
off. And while your cravings for chicken Pot Noodle may seem perfectly reasonable, by the time you've heated up the fifth strong-smelling pot of the day, workmates nearest the office microwave will be suffering their own bouts of pregnancy nausea!
- Strategy 4: Cope discreetly
Bring in your own healthy snacks, nuts, dried fruit, apples and raw vegetables (just don't munch too loudly). And indulge your more bizarre cravings behind closed doors!
Too tired to think
You're growing a new human being and struggling to maintain a sparky professional front, in case anyone accuses you of not pulling your load. Meanwhile, hungover colleagues openly yawn, flop about and laugh about how shattered they feel. Unfair yes, but that's office culture. Fight back instead.
- Strategy 5: Keep moving
The last thing you feel like is taking exercise, but that's what will energise you. Exercise releases the endorphins that make you feel better. Gillian Fletcher suggests a brisk walk every lunchtime. And walk and talk to colleagues - don't use lazy email! At home, even if you feel like flopping, go for a swim or walk the dog to stay alert.
Don't be a baby bore
It's sad but true. Fathers-to-be can get away with emailing their scan pics to all and sundry, but pregnant women are treated far less indulgently if they
share a blow-by-blow account of every fascinating antenatal experience
with colleagues. Likewise, don't let natural anxiety turn you into a total hypochondriac
as workmates will quickly lose sympathy. Keep your worries in
perspective and share your concerns with the midwives instead.
- Strategy 6: Stay visible, but private
If anyone shows an interest in your pregnancy, then talk, suggests Sandi Mann. Otherwise keep things to yourself. "It's important to create a network of supportive colleagues with kids, as they can be a great source of advice and support when you return to work. Beware turning your pregnancy into a soap opera. If you are delayed for a meeting after a problematic antenatal appointment, don't overdo the drama. Keep your explanation brief and leave out the gory details.
Being the boss
And if you are the boss... You may feel extra responsibility to work even harder than ever but your first loyalty should be to your baby. Don't turn into superwoman; set a great example to all the other gals in the office by not working right up until your waters break. And support the working mothers on your team - you'll be one yourself soon!
An equal Opportunities report in February 2004 says that some employers still see pregnancy as a 'pain' and more than 1,000 women a year take legal action claiming they were sacked for being pregnant. It says that many employers have become smarter at 'dressing up' their reasons for sacking such women, knowing that to dismiss a woman simply for being pregnant is illegal under the Sex Discrimination Act.
The Equal Opportunities Commission advises the following if you feel you have been treated unfairly because of your pregnancy.
- Approach your employer to explain how you think you have been discriminated against
- Take your claim to an Employment Tribunal
- Go to your trade union to ask for support either with your employer and/or at the tribunal
- Go to your local Citizens Advice Bureau. See the National Association of Citizens Advice Bureaux
- Contact the EOC helpline on 0845 601 5901 for further information and advice.
Where to next?
- Diary of a back-to-work mum
- Working mum? Check out our complete guide to being a working parent
- From morning sickness to sex in pregnancy, we've got everything you need to know here
- Talk to other pregnant women on our Work and pregnancy discussion board
