 Support
for New Fathers
As you chat away with your new-found friends from your antenatal
and post-natal classes, spare a thought for new fathers who, until now,
have had no such built-in natural support network.
First-time Mums aren't the only ones who suffer emotional meltdown when
they're faced with first-time parenthood. Being a new Dad can be very
stressful too in the 21st century. Whilst mothers recovering from the
physical strain of childbirth have family, friends and a whole healthcare
network on hand to reassure them that post-natal depression is a 'perfectly
normal hormone thing', dads receive no such reassurance to help them cope
with natural depression that so often follows the euphoria of childbirth
and the excitement of first time fatherhood.
Most modern fathers are expected to go on working while at the same time
learning to become fully trained, hands-on members of the nappy changing,
bottle feeding, up-all-night parenthood team. So as mothers discuss everything
and anything to do with babies, spare a thought for new fathers who, until
now, have had no such built-in natural support network.
A new survey by Calpol shows that 21st century dads are expected to cope without any of the backup which has always been so readily available to new mums.
Few new Dads have the courage to admit to their taut nerves, feelings of being overwhelmed by responsibility now the euphoria has worn off or the exhaustion they're suffering as a result of sleepless nights. Most men find it harder to confide their fears to a close friend as women do because they consider it's not macho to admit to financial, practical or career fears in case they're scorned or teased.
The survey comes just weeks after the Government admitted that nine in ten men are failing to take up their paternity leave entitlements. They are not requesting flexible working hours after having a baby, despite the fact that they are entitled to £100 a week for two weeks on top of their normal holiday entitlement. Nor do they know that paternity leave is just one of a number of new statutory rights available to new Dads. It shows that:
- 41 per cent of fathers don't take advantage of their two weeks paternity leave entitlement
- 23 per cent of new fathers didn't know they were entitled to paid paternity leave.
- 21 per cent thought their employers would not allow them to take such leave, even if they asked for it.
Their failure to take up their paternity rights has a knock on effect on their wives and partners. As Tim Mungbeam, a spokesman for Parentalk, the leading charity for campaigning on behalf of parents explains: "Immediate involvement helps a new dad build his confidence and establish good habits for the child's future development. The first few weeks after a baby is born are crucial, not only for providing time for the father to bond with his new baby, but also for him to get to grips with learning the new practical skills involved."
If men are tired and stressed, it affects not only their ability to bond with their babies, but also their levels of efficiency in the workplace, adding to their worries. Yet, as more mothers go back to part-time or full-time working within six months of a new baby's arrival, fathers are increasingly finding themselves left holding the baby.
Dads who feel it's all getting a bit much could:
1. Make arrangements to have a drink with other first time fathers
for an hour after work or at the weekend. Or arrange to meet up with other
new parents and whilst the women share their experiences of first-time
motherhood, you could discuss your new roles. Just talking to others in
the same boat can be very useful
2. Learn the 'baby-care' ropes with your partner. Rather than sharing
turns at baby-care, do feeding/nappy change and bathing 'shifts' together
as a team. This will enhance a new dad's confidence - and show mum she's
not alone.
3. Make friends with other dads who are doing the same. Lots of
new dads go along to baby and toddler groups and if there isn't one in
your area, why not start a fathers-and-babies' group of your own. It's
amazing how many 'house-husbands' there are who share or take-over childcare
completely when their partners go back to work.
4. Eat properly. Nourishment is just as important for dads as it
is for mums. Take vitamins to boost stamina when there's a new baby to
care for. It's not 'cissy' and could improve performance all round. When
you're tired, it's so easy to become forgetful, which could impact on
your work life. You and your partner might both try taking a natural-health
supplement such as Actimind. It's a new natural health combination of
Panax Ginseng G115 and Gingko Biloba GK501. It's been medically proven
to improve memory - great when you're both learning a vast array of new
skills!
5. And finally, don't be shy. Call the new post-natal help-line
that has been launched specifically for fathers who are finding the new
fatherhood game all too much. Call Parentalk on 020 7450 9073 or visit
their website www.parentalk.co.uk There's even a Dad's L Plates channel
- and that's aimed just for YOU.
Where to next?
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