 Dads
in the delivery room - help or hindrance?
Ninety per cent of dads in the UK are at their partner's side
whilst they give birth and, this week, a new survey said fathers should
be allowed to stay overnight in hospital on the day their baby is born.
Some dads - especially new ones - are not prepared for what they encounter
in the delivery room and can be more of a hindrance than a help. So how
much should a man be involved in his child's birth?
Leave the cigars till later
Only a generation ago, the only active role an expectant father had
in the birth of his child was to anxiously pace around in a smoke-filled
waiting room and dish out the cigars once everything was done and dusted.
However, there has been an enormous shift in tradition, with 90 per cent
of dads now taking a hands-on approach in the birthing process. But what
brought about this change?
Even though the sixties were known for their permissive ideas and liberalism,
dads still had a rough time if they tried to enter the delivery room.
Apparently, one father-to-be in Chicago had to handcuff himself to his
partner's trolley so he could not be removed from the delivery suite!
Crucial cultural changes
It seems books might have had a role to play in this transformation.
In 1974, Robert Bradley wrote the book Husband-Coached Childbirth, in
which he basically empowered men to take as crucial a role in the birthing
process as their partner (albeit not physically, of course!). At the time,
Bradley was both hailed as a champion for men's rights in the delivery
room and criticised as someone who was trying to advocate controlling
the woman. Despite, or perhaps because of the controversy, the book 'gave
birth' to the 'Bradley method' and a series of classes, still running
today, in the USA.
Catharine Parker-Little, midwife, thinks cultural developments had a
big role to play in getting dads into the delivery room. "There was a
kind of unspoken agreement in the 1950s and 1960s that men did not get
involved in the birth. However, the 1970s and, particularly, the 1980s
saw a definite cultural shift, with the rise of the natural childbirth
movement questioning the existing medical status quo," explains Catharine.
This, she argues, means that dads in the delivery room was actually a
"client-led" rather than a "midwife-led" initiative. "It also all roughly
coincided with a crisis in midwifery recruitment, which meant more and
more women didn't have the same amount of personal care they would have
enjoyed in the past. That, combined with the break-up of the nuclear family
and lack of female family members supporting the mothers, naturally led
to men taking an active role."
What dads-to-be worry about
Nowadays, fathers are more likely to have to chain themselves to the
vending machine if they don't want to be part of the birth. It is almost
always expected and taken for granted that they will be there and tackling
this expectation can be difficult for men who really do not feel up to
coping with the situation but don't want to let their partners down.
Some fathers, particularly first-time dads, feel apprehensive about seeing
the woman they love in pain. Take, for example, celebrity chef Gordon
Ramsay, who admitted that he did not attend any of his four children's
births. Top concerns amongst expectant dads are embarrassing faux pas
in the delivery room - fainting, feeling sick and squeamish and basically
not knowing how to best support their partner through a potentially long
and painful process.
On the other hand is the quite clichéd but probably true problem that
witnessing the physical side of the birth might not be so great for a
couple's love life. This apparently happened after Elvis 'the Pelvis'
Presley became a dad for the first time - it took him months to get into
the swing of things again with wife Priscilla and, shortly afterwards,
their love life was allegedly non-existent. "Many men can be affected
by what they see, which is why midwives sometimes encourage them to stay
away from the business end," says Catharine.
The raw end of the deal?
Men do get the raw end of the deal (pardon the expression) with labour
and birth. While we all naturally assume that our partners are chomping
at the bit to be part of the action, have we really considered the effect
this might have on them? "Not much research has been done into the potential
trauma that men suffer during the labour and birth, since the emphasis
naturally lies with the woman's well-being," explains Catharine. "It is
something we are actively getting involved with because men, despite playing
a crucial supporting role at the birth, receive no formal antenatal preparation.
Their instructions, in any childbirth class, are to view labour and birth
from the woman's point of view. Their worries and concerns go unheeded."
But are men essential in the delivery room? It really is a double-edged
sword, as Catharine-Parker Little admits from a midwifery point of view.
"There is no doubt that having your partner there for support can be so
helpful for labouring women. However, if he's constantly finding excuses
to leave the room and acting agitated and nervous, it would be best that
he stays away from the delivery room and the mother find a better support
figure."
It's not the end of the world if he's not there
It is the nervous, squeamish types that Catharine Parker-Little thinks
women should talk to openly and honestly during pregnancy to gauge their
true opinions about attending the birth. Don't make him feel guilty if
he really does not feel up to being there with you - chances are you will
both fair better with him waiting nearby, as Catharine insists. "If he
feels more comfortable outside the delivery room and is given the opportunity
and understanding to make this choice, he will probably bond more easily
with both baby and mother after the birth."
Now squeamish dads are backed up by leading obstetrician, Michel Odent
who was reported recently in the Daily Mail saying " That there is
little good to come from either sex from having a man at the birth of
a child. For her, his presence is a hindrance, and a significant factor
in why labours are longer, more painful and more likely to result in intervention
than ever."
In order to come to such a decision, it is best, well in advance of the
big day, to make sure you have both been honest about who should be in
the delivery room. Obviously you will have to be but his attendance is
optional! If certain worries or concerns are putting him off, you could
always talk them over with your midwife or GP before making your decision.
And if, at the end of the day, you both decide it was better that he wasn't
there, you can and will still enjoy one of the most memorable days of
your life.
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