Fathers are now encouraged to be present at the birth unless it is going to be a Caesarean under general anaesthetic. Some dads, though, have doubts about being present throughout the labour and birth, and these doubts should be respected.

It's important to think about and discuss whether you want to be present and how you see your role during the pregnancy. It can be much more complicated than it first looks.

• You may both want to be together for the birth and feel very certain that this is the right thing for you as a couple
• You may be concerned about whether you can cope with being at the birth
• Your partner might not want you present throughout labour and birth because she doesn’t want you to see her in childbirth
• Your partner may feel that she wants to be free to focus only on herself and her needs
• You might quite like the idea of being her ‘coach’, only to find she does not want you telling her what to do
• You might both be concerned about what effect seeing the birth may have on your sex life (for most couples this is not a problem)

Usually, talking it all through in pregnancy resolves any ambivalent feelings. If you still feel unsure, talk with your midwife or antenatal teacher, or talk with other men about how they felt before, during and after the birth.

There are some alternatives to just being there or not being there:

• Arrange to have another labour partner present as well, so that if it all gets too much, you can leave the room either for a while, or until after the baby is born
• Be present just during the labour
• Come in just for the birth
• Come into the delivery room immediately after the birth

For many men, though, seeing their partner in labour and giving birth can create immense respect for her courage, and strengthen the love and bond between them.