'Poo is interesting!':10 things that change now you're a mum

Everyone knows that having a baby changes your life but how does it, exactly? With the help of babyworlders, we list the top ten life changes a mum can expect to experience.

• 1. You never feel that you've had enough sleep.
• 2. You're not squeamish about any bodily functions or secretions
• 3. You turn around instinctively every time you hear a child say 'mummy' in a shop.
• 4. You discover how much there is to say about one tooth.
• 5. You never get to use the loo on your own any more.
• 6. You get to know all the names of children's TV characters very quickly.
• 7. You burst into tears more easily.
• 8. Your idea of a late night is not very late.
• 9. Your ability to multitask improves in leaps and bounds.
• 10. You respect and love you parents in a new way

You never quite realise how precious a commodity sleep is until you have had a baby; even in your pre-baby partying days, a late night could be compensated for by a late lie-in. Not so with a baby or toddler in the house. The baby books all like to tell you that you get used to being an early-morning person but, according to Immy, this simply isn't the case! 'I have always needed lots of sleep, and I still do. I can't actually cope on less than four unbroken hours. I'll crash, or fall, or get divorced. I am not, and never will be, an early morning person either. It doesn't matter how many 5.20am starts I've had. I suppose part of me is fundamentally incompatible with being a mum!' And it's not just the quantity of sleep that changes when you become a mum but also the quality, as Clare sadly admits. 'You never sleep quite as soundly again, ever primed to hearing your child's cry through the night.'

Babies are messy beings. They eat, sleep, throw up and poo and that's about the extent of their early days. As they get older they do more exciting things too but they still are experts at producing every bodily fluid or excretion in every colour imaginable. And whereas before you would have balked at the thought of a little being peeing into your face, now you deal with it like a pro, as Claire reveals. 'My stomach has got stronger. Having a bit of poo on my hand or sick on my neck does not faze me in the slightest!' Ratbiter sums it up well and bluntly: 'Poo is interesting.' The colour, the texture, the frequency all become fascinating subjects for conversation between mum chums. Take pity though on other cafe customers as you discuss these things over coffee and cake...

How many of us have done this? On a rare moment of going clothes shopping on our own as a special treat, while wistfully fingering lacy bras and pretty knickers, we hear the shout 'MUMMY!!!!' and turn around looking for our little one before realising that they're at home with dad. Leanne has certainly been there and bought the T shirt. 'I always dream about going out on my own and having some luxury shopping time but when I do it's like my ears are tuned to "maternal setting". As soon as I hear a child shouting "Mummy!" in a shop I turn around searching for Alexa. And if I hear a child crying, I automatically feel anxious and concerned to know why. I wish I could switch off for a while!'

In the grand scheme of life, teeth aren't really that fascinating ... are they? Apparently they are to parents. Just think of the first time your child started cutting a tooth and you'll know what we mean. Or perhaps your daughter was late to teethe and you became concerned about when it would happen as her friends already had a mouthful. Alfene certainly knows the excitement caused over baby teeth. 'I never knew there was so much to say about many things that go on in a child's body. A conversation with a group of mums can last for hours and can all be on the one topic of "little Johnny lost/got his first tooth last night!"

Most mums and dads, when looking after their children on their own, learn to leave the bathroom door unlocked if not open so they can keep an eye an ear peeled for what's going on. This inevitably leads to curious visitors who are as interested in our bodily functions as we are in theirs, as Alfene explains. 'My son likes to catch me sitting down so he can tell me about the latest whatevers. My daughter seems to need to go whenever I do!' Even more mortifying is sharing a cubicle with a toddler when you are in a public place, as Lucinda observes. 'I hate going to the loo when we're out in a restaurant or shop as she feels the need to tell everyone what I am doing in an extremely loud voice! Once she asked me why I was wearing a nappy, which made the lady washing her hands at the sink shake with laughter.'

We all know that there's a debate about whether TV is good for our children or not but at some point most of us sit down and tune into CBeebies or Milkshake or some other children's channel just to enjoy a few moments' peace and quiet. And before we know it, we're reciting the names of the Teletubbies as if they're old friends and singing along to Fifi and the Flowertots as we take a shower. Some of us have become so caught up with their exploits that we look forward to the next instalment, as Rachael admits. 'I know far too much about children's TV and actually have my own favourite programmes.'

7. You burst into tears more easily

What's happened to our emotions? Before having children, we'd know that we were emotionally fragile once a month and could stock up on chocolate to help control those pesky mood swings. Now, however, the slightest thing makes us bawl our eyes out, as Kelly admits. 'I now see things much more emotionally. I cry at silly TV ads and can't face the news at times.' Danielle agrees, adding: 'I find that I get teary-eyed when watching a TV show or movie where something bad happens to a child. I think I'm overly empathetic of the parents' position, even in fictional storylines.'

8. Your idea of a late night is not very late

You have a chance to have a rare night on the tiles. You get dressed up to the nines, tell the babysitter not to wait up, and dash out the door for some hours of unbridled fun. A little while later and you can't stop yawning and are craving a cup of cocoa and want to swap your tight dress trousers for your baggy PJ bottoms. It must be midnight at least but a glance at your watch shows that it's only 9pm. What went wrong? Perhaps your baby's body clock has had a subtle and insidious effect on your own! Rachael certainly knows her limits: 'On a rare night out, a late night is 9.30pm and a very late night is 10pm!' as does Spanner82: 'If I go out pub or club I'm knackered by 10pm and would feel incredible guilty spending more than a tenner.'

9. Your ability to multitask improves in leaps and bounds

Looking after a small child inevitably brings with it a necessity to do many things at once - answering the phone while burping your baby, cooking dinner while trying to make playdough dolls and singing nursery rhymes while running around with a duster. And for mums who work on top of that it becomes even more essential to have a plan in action, as Becks reveals. 'I am much, much more organised with everything I do from housework and finances. Leaving the house is the equivalent to a military manoeuvre.' Lesley has almost written a job description for what she has become since the birth of her children: 'I'm now a multi-skilled worker, health advisor, teacher, toy maker, game player and emotional support worker... to name a few!' while Sus makes an interesting comparison on how she used to be pre-baby and post-baby. 'The biggest thing that my husband and I can't get over is just how lazy we must have been before children! We both got home from work about 7ish, ate an "oven" dinner and then left the dishes for a couple of days. We'd clean the house every few weekends and didn't seem to have time to paint or do the gardening. Now we do all that, and more, in just an hour or two of "our" time a day.'

10. You respect your parents and love them in a new way

Becoming a parent opens up a new avenue of thought for many of us. Suddenly, rather than viewing our parents' actions through the eyes of a critical child, we see why they behaved in certain ways. We might even respect that even if we don't necessarily agree with them, as Danielle says. 'There are things that about my parents that I understand even less, but there are things that I understand even more. My respect for my parents has grown, as has my gratitude.' Tasiana agrees: 'I realised just how much my parents have done for me and understand where they are and were coming from so much more.' And we can but hope that in ten or twenty years' time our children will have the same revelation!

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