Sneaky sex for parents

Just because you're a parent doesn't mean you have to give up all hopes of passion. It's just a matter of making the most of those rare opportunities!

• Life's little passion killers
• What is normal?
• Bring back the naughtiness
• "Yes, tonight darling!"
• We did it our way

Suddenly all is peaceful, your toddler is glued to the video for the next 20 minutes and the baby is fast asleep. Opportunity knocks! What are you waiting for? It's time to enjoy some sneaky sex, the kind that parents do best!

Life's little passion killers

The first year of parenthood puts all sorts of stresses and strains on a relationship. You have to cope with changing roles, a complete upheaval in your domestic life and bone-aching tiredness. Despite all the fun and the joy that children bring, it's a fact that young kids are to sex what a blanket is to a fire.

"Having a child does lower the quality of your erotic life," is the delicate understatement from Phillip Hodson, writer, broadcaster and fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. "But don't feel bad about it - the rest of the world is not having sex every day. If you are managing a decent bonk about once a month you're doing OK."

"You can't expect to book a hotel room and jump on each other," warns Phillip Hodson. "Sex can be incredibly quick [sex researcher Kinsey discovered that, if suitably aroused, women can come in four minutes, men as we know, much less!], but you need to build up the excitement. Start foreplay at breakfast. You have to break out of the mummy and daddy roles and become lovers again. That means lots of adult affection, flirting and a slow build-up of excitement, so that when you get the chance, you're both fully aroused. In fact, this time of year, having lots of people around can add to the excitement and naughtiness, not destroy it."

Yes, tonight darling!"

• Do a Sharon Stone on him while you're sitting round the telly (takes careful positioning, don't give Uncle Fred a heart attack). Then use every opportunity to remind him of your knickerless state when he can't do anything about it!
  
• If that's a bit too chilly for you, then don't underestimate the power of sexy undies on any bloke. Invest in a slinky pair and flash them at him, even if you've got your old trackies on top.
  
• Raise the naughtiness levels by watching an erotic video after the kids have gone to bed.
  
• Is everyone snoozing in front of the telly? Nip up to the bathroom and lock the door. Sex can be incredibly exciting if you have to be quiet. Try holding hands over each other's mouths as you come. Or try it blindfold (those inflight blindfolds come in very handy!)

We did it our way Now you're mad for each other, but how to sneak off successfully? What other parents get up to...

• "Slightly tipsy after Christmas lunch, we managed an incredibly exciting knee-trembler in the utility room. The door didn't quite lock, which added to the fun. The fact that the family were all nextdoor in front of the telly was quite mind-blowing."
  
• "We went out for an evening and pretended we'd just met, I got so turned on by having Tim's full attention that we did it in the back seat of the car before going home!"
  
• "My next door neighbour asked us to feed her cats while she was away. The lure of the empty house was too much to resist, and the total thrill of doing it halfway up her stairs like desperate teenagers still turns me on."
  
• "When my husband suggests a trip to the video shop, it's our code for 'fancy a quickie?' We don't pick a sexy film - but something for the kids! All the way there and back we whisper naughty things, he'll give me a discreet grope behind the shelves while the children are choosing, so by the time we get back home we're both really in the mood. It's telly on and time for mummy and daddy's 'rest'!"
  

Where to next?

• Join our Just for Fun discussion forum and tell us your saucy moments!
• Join our Relationships & Sex discussion forum for help or for a general gripe!
• Check out our New Parents section
• Win a great prize - enter a babyworld competition!