How to handle the chore warsWho does the housework in your home? Chances are it's the women because, despite talk of the new age man, statistically women still do twice as many chores around the home than men.
A woman's work is never doneWomen's lives are busy but even so, it might come as a surprise to discover that a staggering 96 per cent of women feel stressed every day. According to recent research by Rescue Remedy, today's women need a 26-hour day to get their life back in balance. The research also found that women's 'me-time' is so eroded by chores that over a third of women get less than six hours sleep every night. Cary Cooper, Professor of Organisational Psychology and Health at Lancaster University, says, "We're all familiar with the term 'work/life' balance in the context of 'paid' work or careers. However, this research highlights that this concept needs to evolve because for women, in particular, 'work' refers to a whole host of 'un-paid' chores and everyday errands." Another study found that men would need to increase their housework by 60 per cent to be on a level with women. However, while the idea is delightfully appealing to women (just think of all that extra time!) men, unsurprisingly, are not so keen. But can we really blame them? Thanks to stereotypes, many men still feel it's not 'macho' to help out with household chores. You've never seen Arnie, for example, clearing up after wrecking a perfectly good home in one of his fight scenes. Psychologist Joshua Coleman, author of The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework, suggests that men's resistance to housework may even start in childhood when they spend their time playing with 'macho' toys such as action man. Sociologist, Joanne Miller says, "The very assumption that husbands 'help' their wives with domestic chores demonstrates that these jobs are seen as 'women's work'." Ann Oakley, Professor of Sociology and Social Policy, agrees. "Housework is unpaid and automatically associated with women," she says. "It is perceived to be women's responsibility." The lazy manIf you're not married to one, the chances are you know at least one and despite what you may think, the Lazy Man theory isn't the mind child of a woman. It is, in fact, the result of research carried out by Dr Joshua Coleman, a psychologist and marriage expert from San Francisco and a self-confessed former Lazy Husband. However, he has identified not one, but four different breeds skiving spouse.
The most recent research from National Statistics shows that men are getting lazier. However, bearing in mind that they spend on average of eight and a half hours asleep each night, three hours watching television or DVDs and just 18 minutes taking part in sport or meaningful exercise, is it any wonder that they can't find time in their busy lives to help with the chores? Despite this men believe they do their fair share of housework. While researching her book 'Breadwinner Wives and the Men They Marry', author Randi Minetor interviewed 60 couples. She says, "While 51 percent of the men I interviewed said they were the primary housekeeper, I found that men tend to over-report the amount of housework they actually do." More chores, better sex (and other advantages)So are there any advantages to housework? (apart from a clean and tidy home and great Feng Shui). Apparently so.
How to get him doing moreIf the thought of better sex and a bulging biceps doesn't get him more involved in the housework, then Dr Coleman has three essential tips for making him do more.
Anne Fremion from the Family and Consumer Sciences Department also has advice and says it's most important to remember that change happens slowly. "Be patient and give lots of compliments," she says. "If you keep doing the work, nobody will see the need to share in the tasks. When everyone shares in the work, your house becomes a family home." A warning to women…According to the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM) 16 per cent of women blame housework as the most common cause of arguments with their partner. Some couples find that they spend so much time arguing about who should do the housework that they decide to pay someone else to do it instead and some marriage counsellors advise couples to employ domestic help rather than squabble about chores. Author Rosie Cox says, "One owner of a cleaning franchise company said that he gets customers by calling them on a Saturday morning because it's 'the prime time for arguing over the fact the house is a mess'." But Dr Coleman stresses that women aren't totally blameless. "Women often harbour laziness by insisting that their way is better," he says. "Sociologists call this 'gate keeping' - being the only one that can put things away in the right place or iron a shirt properly or bathe a child gives some wives a sense of authority." This seems particularly true. Along with most of my female friends I'll admit to spending half an hour or so after my husband has 'done the housework' picking up bits he's left behind or re-organising shelves that he's tidied. It seems that we may moan that he's not helping but when he does we undervalue what he's done by going over it so it's to our standards. Dr Coleman says, "Women need to take charge in a way that gets men to change and not just shut down. "It isn't fair, but men have never had it so good, so why would they want the situation to change?" …And to men!Relationship experts, A Positive Way, say men should do more housework to improve their health. "Resolving this major marital issue means there is less conflict at home, so the man experiences less stress over the years," they suggest. "It is time to ask your wives if there is a problem in your role as a helper and mate. If there is ask her what you can do to make it more of a partnership and then do it. "You will 'light both fires' and rekindle the romance and love in your relationship." Where to next?
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