Parent Coaching AdviceI had listened to the theory - now it was time to try out parent coaching in practice. Jo Menneer offered to give me a complimentary session and I couldn't resist the opportunity to prove that my family was not beyond helping! The first step was to tell Jo what my difficulty was. I felt a bit embarrassed - admitting to someone I'd never met before that I had 'problems'. I ummed, ahhed and stumbled my way through an explanation about how my husband and I have trouble agreeing on how to discipline our wayward daughter without having a debate worthy of the House of Commons about it. The result was I was the strict, humourless dictator, ruling the house with a rod of steel, while my husband was the sympathetic parent who cuddled his daughter when mummy was nasty. Jo listened attentively to my incoherent explanation and reassured me that the problem my husband and I were facing was one of the most common ones she deals with. Sigh of relief - not complete weirdos then. Jo then explained that it was OK for my daughter to know that we both parent in different ways as long as we always support each other in front of her. Whether it's me taking her out of her highchair halfway through a meal after hurling baked beans on the wall or my husband being more permissive with a temper tantrum - we have to show a united front, even if we don't necessarily agree with the other person's methods. We then talked about the best way of communicating to each other about situations where discipline might be needed. Jo suggested compiling a Book of Rules to which we could refer when in doubt. It sounded like a good idea in theory but I had my doubts about how it would work in practice, especially since anything important in my house seems to disappear into a Black Hole, under all the baby toys and cat baskets. Before we could compile said book, though, we had to sit down and discuss what rules we wanted to bring in. I said this would be the sticking point. How could I approach this matter without seeming like I was nagging my husband even more? 'I'm going to throw that back at you,' Jo replied and I could see this was where the Parent Coaching Company's insistence that parents come to their own decisions kicked in. I was stuck for words, rare for a journalist, and tentatively suggested that I would talk to him when our daughter had gone to bed and speak nicely to him, with a lovely smile on my face. Jo was careful not to knock my suggestion but I could tell that it wasn't quite the right answer to give. She suggested we book a babysitter and go out for the evening and talk about it over dinner. Alternatively, we could do something nice at home and talk about the matter in a relaxed manner. While I could see that a pleasant environment would make us both feel less stressed, I wasn't completely taken with the idea of spending a rare night out together discussing how we should deal with temper tantrums in Sainsbury's. But I took her point that it's vital to create a less threatening atmosphere. All in all, the discussion was useful. The key impression it made on me was that parenting is a lot about give and take, and that no one's method is right - just different. We'll be trying to put into practise Jo's advice - once I pluck up the courage (or the candles) to broach the subject with my husband!
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Jo
Menneer is a co-founder of the Parent Coaching Company. She trained with
the Norland Nursery Training College and has 15 years' experience working
with children and their parents. She then trained as a life coach before
starting the Parent Coaching Company with Sharon Charlton-Thomson. Jo
is married with two children, Phoebe and Roo.
