What
kind of mum are you?
What type of mum are you? For a bit of fun we have put together a selection of stereotypical mums. Which category do you fit into.
Microban mum
Microban mum has scarily clean children and is never herself covered in snail-trails of snot and chocolate fingerprints (unlike mere mortal mothers). House reeks of antiseptic napalm-strength cleaning agents as she does daily battle with bacteria. Doesn't leave home without industrial-size pack of wipes and three changes of clothes - for her and her offspring.
What's the problem?
Children love squidging mud pies and splashing in puddles. Agony aunt and counsellor Suzy Hayman says that mess is essential to creative play and learning. She also warns that protecting children from dirt may do more harm than good.
"Research shows that if you cosset children too much, then you can make them ill - we build up our immune system by being exposed to dirt and germs."
Avoiding muck may be a kind of fear; Suzy says mothers need to ask: 'what am I afraid of?'.
"Maybe they are afraid of emotional mess or of a feeling of being out of control."
Solution: Force yourself to get down and dirty with your children. Fill a bowl with flour and water and try to understand the sensual pleasure of messing about.
Organic Mum
Organic Mum buys organic everything; knits her own all-wool, undyed baby clothes from rare breed Hebredian sheep; lugs baby around in a papoose day and night; breastfeeds until he goes to secondary school.
What's the problem? It's great to have principles, but don't consider them more important than people, says Suzy.
"Recognise there are limits and your child has to fit in; you have to have a sense of proportion."
A rigid regime of sandal-wearing, non-sweet eating could mean your pure little Rainbow turns into a steak tartare-eating Coca-Cola fiend, just to get her revenge.
Solution: Explain why you hold certain principles, but be flexible and when they're older allow them to make some of their own choices. "They will respect you far more if you are not too dogmatic," says Suzy.
Hothouse Mum
Hothouse Mum is determined to breed a genius; played the foetus French and Mozart through a speaker strapped to her bump; her child isn't allowed a moment to pick her nose; her extracurricular life is timetabled to oblivion: violin, ballet, chess, nuclear physics. . .
What's the problem? Often parents try to live through their children; trying to make up for their own disappointments and missed opportunities, says Suzy. But there is a danger that they are failing to acknowledge their children's own interests and talents.
"It's good to help children develop, children need to be stretched and encouraged, but listen to them."
Solution: "Notice how often you are saying 'I' and how often 'you'," says Suzy, in order to work out if the interest is truly yours or your child's. If it turns out you're the frustrated pianist, then take lessons yourself.
People Take Us For Sisters Mum
Teenage daughter has blossomed into womanly gorgeousness and mum can't bear to be left behind. Shops in Miss Selfridge, talks the lingo: everything's "pants" or "cool".
What's the problem? It's natural to feel a teensy bit jealous of your daughter's burgeoning beauty as you hit middle age. Acknowledge it and get over it, says Suzy, don't try to compete.
"They'll feel they daren't bring home a boyfriend because mum will flirt." She says parents need to be parents, not surrogate 'mates'.
"They want someone who will set boundaries and rules and who will say 'no', children need that."
Solution:Have fun with your own friends and contemporaries. "If you always wanted a sister, then accept that, but don't expect your daughter to fulfill the role."
Label Mum
Label Mum always was at the cutting edge of fashion, a baby isn't going to stop her, it just gives her the chance to buy teeny-weeny brands - have you seen the Dior cashmere cardigan? (no, not for her, for the baby). The pram is an all-terrain three-wheeler, just what you need for those high kerbs in Surbiton . . .
What's the problem? Looking good and feeling confident are very important, especially after having a baby - when it's easy to feel like a dreary drudge. But, you need to keep a sense of proportion. An overwhelming obsession with style may leave little time (or money) for other things. Remember, babies are at their most beautiful when clad only in their own designer peachy soft skin!
Solution: Steel yourself and check out children's clothes in Adams and Asda - they're quite nice, honest. Also, when your toddler insists on wearing a yellow fleece with a pink chiffon skirt and green wellies, take a deep breath and let her (or him) get on with it - they think they look fabulous.
Overprotective mum
Her child is a perfect angel, every other infant is a potential attacker. She sprints across a playground at Gold-medal winning speed if any child dares give her precious Paloma a dubious look. Forever scolding everyone else's children, yet fails to see that her cling-on Velcro child has become a sly pincher-kicker with no friends.
What's the problem? This mother was maybe overprotected as a child, or her needs and feelings were completely ignored, says Suzy. The trouble is, that she's creating a child who believes that they are always right and mummy fights all their battles.
Solution: It's even worse to never take your child's side and to always believe they were in the wrong, warns Suzy. "Say - 'I love you, I believe in you, but, I don't think you're telling me exactly what happened'. That's the healthy way: unconditionally loving and supportive, but recognising that they can make mistakes."
By Fiona Murray
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