Are you an over-anxious parent?Your daughter has an ongoing ear infection that hasn't cleared after three consecutive courses of antibiotics. Your doctor says she will grow out of it, and is just prone to ear infections, but you're not happy with this diagnosis. What do you do? We look at ways of challenging the medical profession when their reassurance just doesn't seem enough.
Does mum always know best?The German pioneer of spinal anaesthesia (or, to you and
me, epidurals) August Bier said: 'A smart mother often makes a better
diagnosis than a poor doctor'. This is a lovely endorsement of a mother's
ability, as is the popular expression 'Mum always knows best' but is it
true in reality? Are we always the best judges of our child's health?
I'm sure we were filed under OAPs (over-anxious parents). The very worst
fate.' It would appear that the medical profession often believes not,
according to author and mum Melanie Gow, who's just published Toasters
Don't Cook Chickens. This is an account of her struggle to get her voice
heard amongst a vast array of different medical opinions on how to manage
her son's severe allergies, eczema, asthma and glue ear. 'We heard platitudes,
reiterated explanations and tired judgments to the background noise of
sighing. I'm sure we were filed under OAPs (over-anxious parents). The
very worst fate.' And how many new parents have rushed to the doctor's
terrified about their child's fever to be greeted with a sympathetic but
seen-it-all-before smile, with the gentle query: 'Is this your first child?'.
How can parents trust their instincts if their instincts are always assumed to be incorrect and over-dramatic? As Melanie Gow discovered, there are ways in which you can get your voice heard. We look at how you can get the best from your relationship with your medical professionals. Trust your instincts If you feel your baby's crying is excessive and that
something must be wrong, you have every right to keep seeing your doctor
or health visitor until you feel satisfied that all has been done to rule
out serious problems. Suzy did this with her baby, Molly, who cried for
six hours a day for two months solid. 'Whenever I told my health visitor
about how much Molly cried, she'd reply: "If I had a penny for every mum
who complained about a screaming baby, I'd be a millionaire". I wasn't
satisfied with this unhelpful comparison so I issued her with an ultimatum:
I said that I would not take no for an answer until she had experienced
the crying for herself. She rolled her eyes and agreed to come around.
When she did, she spent three hours trying every trick in the book to
stop Molly crying, all to no avail. She apologised profusely for not listening,
referred us to a paediatrician, and transient lactose intolerance was
diagnosed. Twenty-four hours after Molly was swapped to low lactose milk,
she smiled for the first time since her birth. It was worth the hassle
but it was such a shame we had to go through that to be taken seriously.'
Suzy's experience shows that perseverance pays off. Don't take no for an answer if you feel it's the wrong answer. Help your doctor to help you Doctors have, on average, seven minutes to listen to
your problem and make a diagnosis. Everyone knows that this is often not
enough time and it can be frustrating both for you and your GP.
However, there are ways in which you can optimise your
time in the consulting room.
Sometimes when you've received a diagnosis, however tenuous it might be, you nod and accept it, then regret not asking questions about how this diagnosis has been reached nor the treatment your child must take. By knowing what questions you should ask, you can reassure yourself that you know as much as you need to about what's going on and your role in your child's recovery. It empowers you as a parent and makes your doctor feel that you are totally on board with their treatment plan, as Melanie Gow explains: 'I found the answer is in the questions you ask. I realised it is essential to take responsibility; not in a passive, positive-thinking way, but about our ability to respond.' So what sort of questions can be helpful to ask at an
appointment? The following can certainly get you started:
Don't feel embarrassed to take a list of questions with you. It's best that you jot them down before your appointment than forget half of them. Write the answers down too, if you're worried you'll forget what was said afterwards. Getting a second opinion Even if you've tried your best to persist in your enquiries,
given your GP the right information, and asked the right questions you
might still feel dissatisfied either with their treatment of you or their
recommended course of action. Rather than accept this and worry constantly
thereafter, you should ask for a second opinion to put your mind at rest.
Most GPs will refer you on to another colleague but it's not their legal
obligation to do so. If your GP is reluctant, you could either just ask
the receptionist to book you in to see someone else or consider changing
doctors altogether.
At the appointment with the second doctor, it would be worth explaining why you have decided to follow this route. Don't slate your first doctor as this won't look very professional or polite! Instead, be more general: explain that you understood that the doctor came to his or her conclusions but that you still don't feel satisfied that all the bases have been covered and wanted to check this for yourself by seeking another opinion. DIY - Diagnose it yourselfWe'd never advocate diagnosing an illness yourself; it
is vital to seek your doctor's advice if your child is unwell and not
responding to treatment. However, if your doctor thinks your child's problem
is something that he will eventually grow out of, or is a normal childhood
affliction, you could look into other forms of treatment that you can
safely use at home, often alongside conventional medicine. Examples of
these include homeopathy, aromatherapy, reflexology and nutrition.
Melanie Gow turned to homeopathy. 'It was a low risk one and practical too; the book said it was safe, non-invasive and non-addictive. It claimed it worked particularly with those things a doctor could only manage or couldn't or wouldn't treat. It also said there were no side effects.' And did it work? When her son Ben went to the doctor's two weeks later, he said that Ben was well. Melanie was ecstatic. 'In 14 days we'd gone from a 24/7 round of treatments and a life entirely revolving around a sick little boy, to have a well child who could face food, at least a little, and sleep at night.' Where to next?
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