Life with Alex:

Life in the fast lane

Imagine moving to France, getting married and giving birth all within the same year! That's what happened to Sue Tabbitt, who will be sharing her adventures--and her challenges--over the course of one year.

Life in the fast lane: 0-3 months

• Time flies when you're a mum
• French healthcare - c'est formidable!
• Working, mothering and (a lack of) sleeping
• "I love Alex so much it hurts"

It's true what they say about time passing quickly when you've got a baby. Treasure every moment, you're told, because they'll have grown up before you know it. I know what they mean - my lack of grasp on time these days is quite frightening. How is it that I can be feeding Alex one minute, then wonder why she's crying again, only to realise that three hours have passed and I can't account for them? And one minute it's Sunday, and then suddenly it's Friday again, and I honestly can't tell you how I've spent the week.

Time flies when you're a mum

So it's no real surprise to me that Alex is suddenly three months old. One day I'm in the hospital being taught how to latch her on, and the next I'm throwing her over my shoulder as though I've always been a mother. This time last year I was barely married and a new driver - now I'm an old married woman with a child who doesn't think twice about bundling her into the car and driving her to French hospital appointments on my own. How did that happen?

I have to keep pinching myself because I'm finding it all uncannily easy. The sleepless nights are already a distant memory. The key to this, I discovered from comparing notes with other new mothers while waiting for a hospital check-up, is getting Nicholas to give her a bottle of formula milk at about 11pm or midnight - we started doing this after a month and by two months she was sleeping through till 6am. And all of this without Gina Ford's intervention!

French healthcare - c'est formidable!

What surprises me most is how relaxed I feel as a mother. I find that I completely trust my own intuition, and having studiously consulted pregnancy books throughout the build-up to the birth, I have tossed them aside since becoming a parent. I attribute this to the absolutely amazing stay I had in Fougeres Hospital. After six days of near-hotel like treatment, and very attentive coaching, I left feeling like a confident and competent mother, and well rested too.

The routine there would start early, where we were taught to bath our babies in a communal 'nursery'. Then followed breakfast (the meals were excellent, even for a vegetarian), and then the hospital rounds. Here, Alex might have a blood test or injection, we would both be checked over, and a midwife would monitor how breastfeeding was going. All through the day I'd be visited by concerned and helpful staff, as well as those bringing meals and snacks, or checking to see that my bathroom and baby-changing area were fully stocked. I also had a panic button which I was encouraged to press at any time. This was linked up to a tannoy, so all I had to do was shout out what I wanted, and someone would come running. I was to buzz if I needed help changing nappies, or to be supervised as I attached Alex to my breast - in fact, I'd be told off if I didn't ask for help.

Or, if Alex was fitful and wouldn't let me sleep, I could buzz for someone to take her away so I could get some rest. They'd even do the whole feeding and changing routine if you really needed them to. So long as you'd done it all a couple of times before you left, that was fine.

Visitors weren't a problem either. Nicholas could stay all day and night if he wanted, and because I had a private room I could have any number of other visitors during the day. I was actually amazed at how many people did come to visit me in hospital - one set of friends arrived within hours of the birth, and every day there were new faces, new cards, new flowers and new presents! The phone didn't stop ringing either - to the point where the midwives were telling me off for not paying Alex enough attention when I was feeding her!

Working, mothering and (lack of) sleeping

As I write this, she is sleeping soundly beside me in her pram. I've been back at work for a few weeks now, and so far it's going well. Because Alex is such a good baby, and because my work as a freelance writer is so flexible, I find that I can quite easily juggle being a full-time Mum and working full time. I break off for feeds, play and nappy changes, of course, and if I have an important phone call to make, Nicholas will take over, but otherwise I am relishing the combined role, and Nicholas is able to continue his work around the property. (He is still working on the mill roof - and the nursery!)

Alex is still sleeping in our room, though she has already progressed from small wooden crib, to the travel cot, to a full-sized, grown-up cot! This is now adorned with a fancy musical mobile that plays Mozart, plus an activity arch. Alex has been extremely alert since day one, and needs a lot of stimulation. I won't be at all surprised if her first words come very early, as she seems desperate to communicate with us. It's also complete nonsense that new babies can't smile socially. There is a big difference between having wind and smiling from choice, and we were rewarded with genuinely happy faces from Alex being just a couple of weeks old. Amazingly, I have only had a couple of breakdowns in the time that we have had her! I must have had a dim view of motherhood beforehand, as I truly expected to be an uncontrollable monster once deprived of sleep, and to find the responsibility of being a parent a huge strain. My first and only really memorable breakdown came a few days after we'd brought Alex home. I was desperately tired, after a series of bad nights and having been deprived of an afternoon's catch-up kip by unscheduled visitors (a common and not always welcome occurrence). I was practically asleep on my feet, and trying impatiently to assemble my breast pump, fresh from the steriliser. (I had developed cracked nipples almost immediately, leading me to express milk a couple of times a day to buy myself some relief from the sensation of razor blades cutting through my most sensitive glands). I was already in a temper, because the breast pump had about 15 different fiddly parts to it and I couldn't for the life of me make them fit together. Then, just as I was about to crack, one crucial bit fell to the floor, meaning I'd have to go through the entire sterilisation and assembly process again (then spend 20 minutes trying to pump out enough milk for a decent feed before I could eventually flop into bed). A frazzled mess, I burst into uncontrollable sobs. I was in such a state that Nicholas had to put me to bed as my poor Mum and sister, our visitors at the time, looked on helplessly. All in all, we had very busy summer, with one set of house guests after another, which is what happens when you choose to live in a different country to both your families! They all came separately, which was a blessing in one sense, as it meant we could spread out the help (which we so gratefully received) with meals, cleaning and other chores - not to mention people to hold Alex when we needed sleep/showers/a break from the endless screaming. On the other hand, this also meant that we spent our first two months as new parents without a break from visitors, which took its toll at times. I had to learn not to care when I appeared in the mornings looking as though I'd been washed up on a desert island for five years without access to an iron or a hairbrush…

"I love Alex so much it hurts"

A final word on nappies. Having ummed and ahhed about whether to go the 'eco' route or not, I'm embarrassed to say that we succumbed to disposables immediately, despite the many samples of real nappies we had been sent. I still hope to use these, provided they still fit Alex (who is growing at a rate of 3lbs a month). Our compromise for the moment is that we are using Moltex Oko - the 'green' disposables. The ones we are currently using were sent to us for free (300 of them - we were delighted!), but they're fantastic, and I'd be inclined to keep using them if it turns out not to be too costly or inconvenient.

If I was to sum up the last three months, I would say that no-one can prepare you for how much you will love your own baby. I'd heard that said so many times, but had still been worried that I would be one of those mothers who wouldn't bond naturally with her child. Yet, despite still feeling very little around other people's children, I find that I love Alex so much it hurts. I have developed that sixth sense that many mothers claim to have, and would truly do anything for her. She is my child. I made her (Nicholas, too, of course!). I said to Nicholas as we were leaving the hospital, 'You know, the really fantastic thing is that we get to keep her!' He couldn't hold the camcorder steady for laughing.

But seriously, Alex fills me with new wonder and gratitude every day. A lump is coming to my throat even as I try to put the feelings into words. I've been worrying that her fontanelle is getting bigger because of how much I keep kissing it… let's hope the novelty never wears off!

All about Sue

Sue Tabbitt, 33, is a freelance IT journalist, who moved to the outskirts of Normandy more than 12 months ago to start a new chapter in her life with her Canadian husband, Nicholas, a ballroom dancing teacher.

Tune in soon to find out how Sue, Nicholas and baby Alex are getting on in Normandy ...

Thanks to Kodak for the digital camera lent to Sue and Nicholas for the duration of this diary column.

Where to next?

• Read the other installments in Sue's Nine months in Normandy diary
• Create your own pregnancy diary
• Pregnant? Talk with other mums-to-be on our discussion forum
• Find out more about your pregnancy, use your personalised planner on babyworld
• If you're working in pregnancy, read about your maternity rights

Shop@babyworld