 From
dude to Dad
Once over the shock that they are contributing to half a new human
being, their impending new role will probably leave plenty of gaps in
their knowledge base! Dads-to-be have numerous resources available and
although changes to the NHS have resulted in fewer antenatal classes,
there has been a rise in alternatives to prepare them for fatherhood.
What do dads want?
A straw poll of dads revealed the following:
Adjusting to your pregnant partner's changing body You may need
time to get used to your partner's changing body and having to venture
out on late-night missions to indulge her latest pregnancy craving.
Overcoming squeamishness. Although quite happy playing ghoulish
computer games or watching grisly thrillers, you're possibly terrified
of passing out during labour?
Identifying the stages of labour and the different birth options
Knowing what to expect helps you to stay more focused and supportive -
particularly useful when your partner is screaming like a banshee and
pausing only to draw breath to hurl abuse at you!
Coping in the first few weeks of parenthood You may return to work
shortly after the birth but it is highly likely that you'll return home
to cook the supper, placate your tired partner and help tidy up.
Getting enough moral support While you offer your partner plenty
of support, you'll want encouraging feedback that she thinks you're doing
a great job too.
Overcoming patterning from your childhood Wanting junior to support
your football team is fine, but avoiding negative traits from your own
childhood is important.
Managing finances Having a family means asking yourself if that
fancy upgrade is really necessary. Now is a good time to learn to manage
your finances and plan towards your child's future.
Working rights. As a new parent, you're entitled to paternity leave,
time off for family emergencies and flexible working hours, so know your
rights.
What do mums think dads need!
Paying attention to the birth plan This is the "wish list" of your
partner's labour. You need to be familiar with it so that you can speak
for her on her behalf.
Helping where able Taking over bath duty, changing your share
of nappies and helping with the night shifts will make your partner more
grateful than if you'd presented her with a new diamond ring!
Patience and perseverance Sleep deprivation and emotions more
volatile than the English summer, can put even a saint's patience to the
test but you can soon expertly changing a nappy, soothe a colicky child
without also wanting to burst into tears and still have enough time and
energy to catch "Match of the Day".
So,how can dads fill their knowledge gaps? We've looked at classes,
books and DVDs that are available to whet his appetite for his new role!
Listen and learn
Classes teach vital information surrounding pregnancy and birth and group
classes allow you to meet other couples who you can potentially establish
strong friendships with.
NHS classes are free and, whilst aimed at couples,are at the mercy
of midwives' very full timetables so, can be cancelled. However, they
do include a tour of the labour ward, which is the moment for dads when
the imminent birth becomes very real!
The NCT and Birthclass (www.birthclass.co.uk) offer smaller
classes but charge for these.
However, the "group" thing isn't for everyone. "Men tend to be paranoid
about admitting ignorance in front of a group of people, which is why
they rarely ask for directions if lost!" explains Dr Banks, best selling
author of a series of Haynes Parenting Manuals. If this is true of you,
then you can always go the private route. Across the country, experts
will visit you at home, especially useful if you have non flexible working
hours or want to get something specific out of the classes - such as details
on active birth techniques. A swift search on the internet will reveal
options local to you.
Other private group classes worth investigating are The Baby Gurus (www.thebabygurus.com),
Birthsteps (www.birthsteps.com/), Birth Venture (www.birthventure.co.uk)
and Good Birth Getaway ( www.goodbirthgetaway.co.uk) who all offer workshops
in luxury settings often with sporting facilities, which is usually a
definite bonus for dads. Since holidays will soon be out of the question,
this could also be a great opportunity to spend quality time together
before the birth.
Read, watch and get ready
Getting gripped by a pregnancy or childcare book isn't always that easy
for blokes. Unlike women, who will read anything and everything on the
subject, men are less inclined to beef up on the nitty gritty. But perhaps
that's just because they haven't seen any good books lately. We have compiled
a round-up of possible titles to whet a dad's appetite; from the instructional
to the down-right silly, there's bound to be something in Have
a good read, mate!
If books are not your thing, consider flicking to The Baby Channel or
Discovery Health for parenting information from the comfort of your own
sofa. Then there are DVDs such as Due
Dads: The Man's Survival Guide to Pregnancy and Being Dad, aimed specifically
at new dads. Being Dad creator Sam Holt says, "Like most men my wife gave
me a litany of pregnancy books to read, none of which I managed to get
very far into. At the time I felt that there was a real need for information
that was not only informative but entertaining and inspirational."
With plenty of classes, books, TV programs and DVDs ready to impart their
parenting knowledge, the hard part will only be choosing which ones are
best for your transformation from Lad to Dad!
by Sasha Cuff
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