I did it!

• I felt robbed
• A home VBAC seemed a jolly good idea
• I wondered if they were tougher than me
• It's the best thing I've ever done

I felt robbed

My first daughter was born in 1991 and I was pressured into having a Caesarean. This resulted in many complications and I was left feeling robbed, confused and weak. It had been so traumatic that I blocked out the experience altogether.

Then in October 1999, I realised I was pregnant again. I became seriously depressed, but I wasn't quite sure why. It was when I paid a long visit to the hospital that I realised that I was terrified of the same thing happening again. I got home and I started to search the internet for anything helpful, and I began to realise that I wasn't the only one who had been traumatised by my Caesarean experience and, although I had never considered a home birth after Caesarean before, it began to look like a jolly good idea.

I was so scared of everything. I was afraid of the hospital, the bullying doctors with all their tales of ruptured uteruses, losing the baby etc, but I was afraid of taking responsibility for the birth and possible death of my unborn baby. So many people seemed to think I was crazy; I had so much doubt to contend with. I would read accounts of women who had had home VBACs and wonder if they were tougher than me. But a little voice inside kept telling me it would be OK.

At the eleventh hour I found the midwife of my dreams and I did it. I gave birth to Joe, my son, at ten minutes past midnight on the first of July. In my kitchen. I did it. I stood there holding him and just saying: 'I did it' over and over. And I held onto him for as long as I wanted to, and nobody was allowed to take him away or weigh him until I said so. It was the best thing I've ever done.

Where to next?

• Read the full birth story
• To read more birth stories, click here!
• To talk to others considering a VBAC, visit our forum