Special parents

• Fear/worry - will my baby survive?
• Guilt - is it my fault? Did I do something wrong while I was pregnant?
• Detachment - I can't get too close in case he doesn't survive.
• Anger - he's my baby and I want to care for him myself.
• Denial - I cannot think my baby might not make it and do not really hear when I'm told he's very ill.

It's also very easy for you to feel as if you're not needed, especially immediately after your baby is born as this is often the time when many doctors and nurses may be tending to him. The premature baby charity, Bliss, say "The staff will encourage you to become involved and understand what is happening to your baby. As you learn, and your child grows stronger, you should be able to do more and more."

Positive touch

Many premature babies have to undergo procedures which can be uncomfortable and distressing, for parents too. Positive touch is 'a way of communicating your love and reassurance to your baby and hearing your baby's needs in return.' Bliss explains the different ways in which you can use touch to benefit both you and your baby.

• Still touch - very young babies often only like this form of touching, where you place one hand gently on his head and the other on his middle. Bliss say, "This containment holding can help your baby feel secure, relaxed and loved."
• Kangaroo care - held in an upright position, chest to chest against your skin beneath your clothing, this is often called skin-to-skin holding, although your baby doesn't need to be naked, especially as many babies dislike being dressed and undressed. Studies have shown that during Kangaroo Care, babies' heart rates and oxygen needs become more regular, as they are calmer and have lower stress levels. Bliss say, "Kangaroo Care gives you a loving contact with your baby and this can help establish a lasting attachment for you both."
• Baby massage - is another way to provide positive touch for your baby. Many Health Visitors can help you learn the best way to massage your baby.

Congratulations

In the midst of all the worry and concern it is very easy to forget that you have a new baby and it's okay to celebrate his birth and for family and friends to congratulate you both.

Special dads

Mothers and babies tend to get a lot of attention, and even more so if baby is premature, but dads can also be having a tough time, especially with feelings of helplessness. It's crucial to realise that dads do make a difference and there's a lot they can do from practical things like bathing baby and changing his nappy, to being part of the team when it comes to making decisions about your baby's care.

Support for parents

babyworld has a thriving Prem Babies discussion forum – run by a mum with first-hand experience of this worrying time.

BLISS the premature baby charity has The Bliss Parents 4 Parents service which offers a unique opportunity for parents to speak to trained parent volunteers who have experienced a similar situation with their own babies and can provide comfort and support at this most difficult of times.

The service is available nationwide. To access it, call the Bliss Family Support Helpline on 0500 618140. The line is open between 10am and 5pm, Monday to Friday.
BLISS also offer a unique text messaging service to support young parents.

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