Sleep training

If sleep problems begin to dominate your life it is time to introduce a routine to teach your baby how to go to sleep. All sleep solutions rely on being consistent, and being sure that your baby can cope on his own. Never try to begin sleep training if your child is ill.

Before you start a routine make sure that both you and your partner agree it is the right thing to do and will support each other during the first few difficult nights.

Here are three slightly different ways to teach your baby to settle in his cot, or to go back to sleep with the minimum input from you. Whichever routine you choose, do the same at bedtime and during the night. You may find it helps for your partner to go in at night rather than you, particularly if you are still breastfeeding, as your baby will associate you with a feed.

Be prepared for your baby to test you on about the fifth night. You will need to continue the routine faithfully for at least a week, though after two or three nights you should begin to see an improvement.

With each of these solutions you should start with a bedtime routine then put your baby to bed awake.

Controlled crying (also called regular checking)

• Leave him to fall sleep alone but visit him briefly after five minutes, then ten and then after fifteen, if he is still crying
• Remain with your baby only long enough to pat his back, say a few kind words and tuck him in
• Do not pick him up out of his cot
• The first few times he may cry for what seems like a very long time. Do not get angry with him - always speak to him kindly and reassuringly when you go to him
• If he wakes at night follow exactly the same checking routine

He should be sleeping through within a week or so.

Gradually moving away

• Sit by his bed and hold his hand for a few nights until he can fall asleep this way
• Move your chair a little further away each night until you can sit outside his door but where he can still see you
• Stay outside his door where he cannot see you but you can talk to him reassuringly if necessary, until he falls asleep

This method takes longer, but there are fewer tears.

Kissing to sleep

• Kiss your baby to sleep. This is especially good for anxious babies
• Give your baby a kiss goodnight and then move away a little, but return almost immediately for another kiss, move away again and then back again for another kiss. Imagine you are on a piece of elastic
• Stay in the room, walking back and forth until your baby is asleep. Do not pick him up or offer him a feed. Just the kisses
• It may take a lot of kisses
• It will take a lot of time
• Invest in a warm dressing gown as you will have to repeat the kissing when he wakes in the night