Potty and toilet training problems - continued

Potty training doesn't always go smoothly. Here are some problems that babyworld members have shared.

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Should my son stand to wee?

This wasn't one of the issues that appeared on our Potty Training forum but it's one that many mothers of boys do wonder about. If your son is going to have to learn to pee standing up eventually, why not start now?

All the potty experts agree that this is not something to push at such a young age. After all, boys will see their dads and older brothers standing to urinate and they will probably want to follow suit when they get older. However, now's the time to concentrate on getting them used to the idea behind bladder and bowel control as a whole rather than on an independent skill. Dr Brazelton points out that if you try to get him to stand when peeing, getting him to sit at all on his potty will be difficult. "Once he's learned to sit, then teach him how to aim by making a noise in the toilet water or on the side of his plastic potty when he stands. He's bound to be thrilled."

Q: "My son has been potty-trained for about 3 months; however, he has just got over a bad case of chicken pox and now has a cold! He has gone back to nursery this week and keeps having accidents. He just doesn't like going on the potty at nursery. They aren't private and he is quite shy. I am so upset as we have no problems at home but every day at nursery he is having accidents. Do you think it will sort itself out when he is 100% better? I am very reluctant to put him back in nappies."

A: Fear not. Paediatrician Dr Spock warns parents to expect setbacks. "Mastery of bowel and bladder functions occurs in little steps for most children. You can expect plateaus and setbacks … emotional upsets, illness, travelling, a new baby - these can cause setbacks even in a child who appears to be fully trained." Spock urges parents not to scold or punish their children when this occurs as it is during these times that your child needs your support and to know that he will regain control and respect again soon.

Potty training is coming on a treat at home but on a long weekend to Granny Smith's your child fiercely demands her nappies back again. Brazelton says that as she's trying to grasp the fundamentals about potty training, she's likely to think only her potty will do when the situation arises. It's logical really - at this point, they are having to consider how and where mummy and daddy go to the loo when not at home. It's likely she will fail and then feel disappointed when that happens.

Routine and potty training often go hand-in-hand, with the toddler wanting the same potty, the same room, and the same teddy to hold while 'performing'. It might take a while for her to get the hang of trying to go to the loo in different surroundings, even if the potty is the same. Brazelton recommends plenty of warning of your plans and encouragement when accidents happen. If they can't bear the thought of flushing their wee or poo away in a strange toilet, tell them you realise how precious their 'offering' is to them and give them the opportunity to flush it away. If that's too much, Spock recommends discreetly putting it in the pan when they have walked away and forgotten about it!

Q: "My first son is pretty much potty-trained although we weren't getting very far with poos because he always does it first thing in the morning in his nappy before we got a chance to take it off. Anyway, in the last week, we seem to have broken that habit and he has been going to the toilet for it during the day. However, a couple of times he has complained about being wet (when it splashes into the pan!). Yesterday, when it happened, he was screaming and trying to get off. Surprise surprise, today he has been weeing on the toilet but has been running around clenching his buttocks occasionally, running to the toilet and then running back saying he doesn't need to poo since about 6.30pm and has gone to bed in a nappy as usual so no doubt it will be there in the morning! Anyone else had to deal with a splashing phobia? What do I do?"

A: Most of the potty training manuals omitted this problem but, when you think about it, it's a fair fear! No one likes to be 'splashed'. We thought the following recommendation from babyworld member Helen was fantastic. "I don't know if it would help but there is a good way to stop the water splashing as much if not completely. When your son gets up, if you get to the toilet before him lay a couple of sheets of paper on the top of the water in the toilet. It should stop it splashing up as much."

Again, this was not a problem cited by mothers on our forum but it might be something some of you encounter on your potty training adventures. Your son or daughter might be nearly fully potty trained but, on or before the arrival of a newborn into the house, they revert to wetting their pants or hiding behind a curtain to have a poo. Brazelton reassures parents that this is normal. "Just as they may want to nurse, or to drink out of a bottle 'like baby', they are likely to want to wet and soil and wear diapers again too. If your child does this, offer him diapers or training pants again."

Brazelton also stresses the importance of changing your elder child with the same love and enthusiasm you once had when doing this activity - and remember that the reason why he's doing this is to be the doted-on baby he once was. "Reassure him that you value him for the older child he has become, but that you can accept his need to be your baby again sometimes too. Otherwise, he too may see his wetting and soiling as a failure." With time, he should revert back to being trained again.

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