Boys will be boys... or will they?Your shout!Do Babyworlders shun gender-specific toys or get into a lather if their boys dress up in dresses?
'One son has a dustpan and brush, the other a handbag' 'A friend of mine who has a little girl aged one said to me the other week "I want to get her as many pink girly toys as I can because that's what girls should have!", which is fair enough, but I thought "Why?". It seems it's more for my friend's benefit rather than her daughter's. I always make a point of buying my boys things like a dustpan and brush set! Dom has a handbag which he loves and Joe has a few dolls. Is this wrong? Should I be buying them cars and footballs (which they also have plenty of anyway)?' furcoatnaeknickers 'I try to steer my children away from gender-specific toys' 'I have one child of each gender and have tried to steer away from the "girls" and "boys" toys. Having said that they have toys that could be branded as for the different sexes but Iona plays with the trains as much as Rory does and he loves pushing the dolly round in the pram.' Morag 'Toys and clothes are much more segregated than they used to be' 'I just get my daughters what they like at the time, whether it's supposed to be for boys or girls. I wouldn't make a point of getting her "boys" things just for the sake of it though. I do cringe at some of the hideous Barbie/Bratz-type toys for girls and really hope my daughters won't like that kind of thing! Apparently toys, clothes etc. for children are far more segregated than they used to be. A lot of clothes were unisex and toys weren't either pink or blue, one version for boys and one for girls. It's true boys didn't used to play with dolls and girls didn't play with trains but at least things like drums, tents, teddies etc, weren't gender themed.' Katie 'My kids are stereotypical even though I am not' 'Well, I admit to having a girl who loves girly toys and a boy who likes construction sets and vehicles ... but I haven't consciously done anything to encourage this (I'm the sort of Mum whose children do a double-take if they see me in a skirt). Their Christmas lists (prepared without any adult input at all) are absolute classics of stereotyping - daughter wanted various Barbie style dolls, dressing-up outfits, a jewellery box and one of those dreadful hair-styling head-and-shoulders dolls (I think they are creepy); son wanted a marble game, a pinball, and a globe with a joystick.' Alison 'It's amazing how much we ingrain into tiny minds without meaning to' 'Well Dan clearly thinks girls' toys are pink - he likes pink (always wants the pink car on fairground rides) but will adamantly say that a boy has blue things and a girl pink. He wants a toy ironing board but they are always pink. He will play with his cousin's doll pram and it makes me laugh as the pram makes 'manly' racing car sounds and is used to transport toys not dolls. Amazing how much we ingrain into their tiny minds without even meaning to.' Spanner 'Girls and boys play differently from an early age' 'Mine have a mix of everything. My first son still can be seen playing with a doll's house (he's 8 - bet he doesn't tell his friends that!) as much as anything else. In fact it's one toy they all play together with, along with my third son's Little People sets. According to my second son, the blue Baby Born boy is for boys and the pink girl one is for girls. He wants a boy doll for Christmas. My husband (who used to play with a doll's pram, his mother told me) doesn't want him to have one - but it would be fine for it to be our daughter's and for our son to borrow it. Girls and boys play differently though from a very early age. My first son used to run cars back and forth going 'brrrrrr' at 10 months and shove away a doll. But all types of toys were always around. Often girls tend to make families out of cars and trains and boys often have accidents and crashes with them.' Del 'He has a lot of everything!' 'My first son got a doll for his first birthday and loves copying me when I am doing things with his brother. For Christmas we got him a kitchen and some pots and pans and food. His grandma is buying him a vacuum. He already has a brush and pan and loves it. On the other hand he has loads of cars, tractors, lorries, a garage, footballs, bob tools etc!' Sophie 'I have been known to throw toy catalogues across the room' 'Oscar's another one getting a brush/dustpan/broom for Christmas, because he loves cleaning and wiping! Alice did go through a big 'girly' phase (eg Barbies) but is now in her Harry Potter phase - don't know if that's boyish or girlish. I really hate this classification - Oscar currently loves pushing a baby doll around in the pushchair and kissing it, because that's what he knows about it. It's not 'girly', it's just playing! He only found his willy a few weeks ago, so he's hardly gendered himself. I do hate that "they'll turn out gay" thing. Firstly because it implies that boys and girls should have such clearly defined roles (I have been known to throw toy catalogues across the room when they have boys playing castles/firemen, and girls playing kitchens/princesses), but also because it implies that there would be something bad about him turning out to be gay.' Rosie 'I have a boyish boy, a girly girl and a girl who's a mix of both' 'When my first daughter was born (we already had a son), my sister-in-law (who'd also just had a daughter, after a son) commented that the house would soon be full of dolls and 'My Little Pony' and my husband looked confused. But come Christmas everyone had bought dolls and ponies and pink! Now we have a mix of boys' things and girls' things and a mix of toys and I think it's good that they each get to play with the other's things. My eldest was a typical boy - give him a pram and he'd pretend it was a racing car; give my eldest daughter a car and she'd put it bed! My current youngest girl is a healthy mix. She loves to play house, takes a pushchair pretty much everywhere with a doll or teddy in but she also gets out the garage and trains. The other day a mum asked what she was having for Christmas and I said a road and rail set. She looked stunned and said "But that's for boy". Try telling my daughter that!' Sandra 'Parents can only do so much' 'We've never encouraged this, although I think that parents can only do so much as society does the rest. Even if you go to great lengths to ensure your girls have cars and your boys have dolls, they still go to school and socialise with other children who fit the stereotypes, they still open the Argos book or ELC catalogue or whatever is lying around and see the pink pages and the blue pages, they still see the stereotypes reinforced on TV over and over again. Our daughter is currently mad on Dr Who, Robin Hood, games consoles and Pirates of the Caribbean (although she also does ballet and likes clothes), a son who exclusively seems to like girls' toys and has asked for Fairytopia and a new baby doll for Christmas, and a son who is a stereotypical "boy" and is obsessed with superheroes and anything with an engine. I find the gender stereotypes toys nauseating sometimes, especially the adverts with little girls playing with dolls.' Kelly 'We project far too many of our own interpretations on toys' 'I think the whole gender stereotypes / children thing is even worse here in Italy. If I dress my daughter in any colour other than pink it causes tut-tutting from old ladies - even when she is wearing blatantly girlie items such as dresses. I also read a hilarious letter in a parenting magazine from a mother who was worried about her daughter wanting to dress up as Zorro for carnival, instead of a princess like all her friends. For God's sake woman, I thought, be pleased your daughter is cooler than her friends! I think we project far too many of our own interpretations on toys and play in general, and forget that children have quite different perceptions. It's like the whole "playing properly" thing. I hate it when people insist that children MUST play with their toys only in the way that they are intended to be used. However I think it's unrealistic to assume that children will not succumb to gender stereotypes as there are so many external influences at play, and I suppose exploring gender identity is a big part of growing up and bonding with peers of the same sex.' helly74
Where to next?
|
