 Sign
and bond
Yvonne Cobb's negative experience during the birth of her first
child led to her setting up a business in signing. Here she tells babyworld
of her life as a deaf mother and her desire to bring sign language to
a wider audience.
The lack of awareness frightened me a lot
I enjoyed my pregnancies as much as many hearing mums had but I had
a traumatic labour with my first child Serena (5). While in hospital,
there were several communication breakdowns because the midwives were
not aware of my deaf needs and I was not very assertive about them.
For example, when I decided to have an epidural during the birth, the
anaesthetist did not explain, slowly, that I must not move while he was
fitting the epidural nor what I should do if I felt a contraction coming.
And because she was behind me, I couldn't hear or see what she was saying
and that frightened me a lot. My husband Reg, who is also deaf, was at
the birth and had to help out with the communication.
When we were transferred to the postnatal ward, I did not feel comfortable
because not only was it was a first-time experience for me but I felt
very alone and unsupported. At several points in the middle of the night,
my baby cried and I did not hear her. I couldn't bring my baby alarm facility
with me as it would not work properly in the hospital environment - the
pager triggers every time a baby cries and it would go off endlessly when
all hospital babies cried! The midwives woke me up several times, giving
me rather disgusted looks because they thought I was ignoring my baby
crying!
I trained 30 midwives!
It all boiled down to deaf awareness needs and this is why I decided
to train midwives when I had my second pregnancy with my twins, Jovita
and Frazer, now 17 months old. Before the birth, I visited the same hospital
beforehand and gave lively deaf awareness training to 30 midwives. They
thoroughly enjoyed it and subsequently the twins' births were wonderful.
All the 11 people who looked after me were so nice, friendly and approachable
and I did not want to leave the hospital! I was given a red carpet treatment,
to think about it now!
Toddler groups can be tiring
Being a deaf parent obviously entails some differences from being a
hearing one. For example, I cannot normally hear when my babies are crying
so I had to invest in a pager system. There is a transmitter in their
bedroom and, every time they cry, the transmitter sends a signal to my
pager to vibrate to warn me. The pager itself is very compact and clips
onto my trouser or in my pocket. I do also wear hearing aids which means
I can hear them crying if they are no further than the next-door room.
Toddler groups are a bit more difficult for me. I feel very positive
about my situation and have a sense of humour so the other mums take me
for who I am and not just see me as a deaf mother. However, I don't attend
groups very regularly because they can be very tiring, as I am constantly
lip reading! However, I am lucky in that I have many deaf friends whom
I meet up with regularly.
Altogether, I don't think being a deaf parent is much different to being
a hearing one. You just need to push forward a little more to get what
you want to get. I believe that I am very assertive, approachable, friendly
and fair and this helps. I have become a devoted mum!
My children's mother tongue
My three children's mother tongue is British Sign Language. Serena signed
the word 'cat' when she was nine months old and, not long after, the word
'phone'. It was amazing for all of us that she could communicate with
us before she had the verbal ability to talk. Serena had mastered some
of the sign language before her vocal chords had developed so she was
able to take advantage of using her hands and facial expressions to enhance
her language. It was an amazing feeling to see her signing when she was
not even walking yet!
Suddenly we knew what she wanted. She could tell us if she wanted milk
and if she wanted more to eat she would sign 'more' rather than scream
or cry like other babies would do! By the time she was two, Serena had
a vocabulary of over 200 words and about six nursery rhymes (in signings).
Our friends were amazed and they followed suit with their babies.
Our hearing twins are following suit and, what is more, they are even
communicating with each other by signing! They sign things like 'Frazer
where' and 'cat gone'.
Learning the lingo
Serena is completely 'bilingual' and can talk and sign simultaneously.
Sometimes she gets carried away with speaking and I have to remind her
now and again to sign as well! But she's very adaptable and can speak
and/or sign with whomever she's with in our family, some of whom can hear
and some of whom cannot. This is a dream come true really because I know
of many deaf parents with hearing children and their bonds are not always
very strong because of the difficulty in communicating and understanding.
My other two children are only 17 months old and are in the babbling
stage, but they know that I am deaf and tap me if they want to communicate
with me, or even turn my face around to see them! I think that's amazing!
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