 A
parent coach's point of view
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Parenting coach Debbie Lewis shares her thoughts on the effects
on how routines (or the lack of them) can affect a child's life.
Identify their needs at a certain point in time
For all children, their primary needs are for love, security and consistency
and this is why people bang on about them so much. It is through these
things that they learn that the world is a good place, that they are important
and that there are people there who are looking about for them. They build
a model of the world and start to create an understanding about the people
in it.
The essence is to think about life from your child's point of view and
to identify what their needs are at a certain point in time. For example,
a small baby's primary need is to know that if they make a demand (I'm
hungry, lonely, tired) that it will be fulfilled. They learn the world
is predictable and if they need something they will get it. This is why
I never recommend controlled crying techniques for small babies.
Continue offering love, security and consistency
Whilst a toddler's essential needs are the same, they also want to go
out and explore the world. For them to do this, as parents we need to
provide the structure that means this is safe - our role is to make sure
they get the rest and predictability they need in order for them to go
forth and explore!
And as our children grow we continue to develop our approach to them
whilst maintaining the love, security and consistency they need.
Routines do affect children in later life - socially, emotionally and
educationally. We know those who have chaotic routines, who lack sleep,
who have poor nutrition and who do not have their emotional needs met
in a consistent way do not do as well as other children. Rather than being
free to explore and learn they are more concerned with making sure their
basic needs are met.
Like everything in life the answer is a balance. You don't want to have
such a strict routine that if anything doesn't go exactly to plan every
day you child feels totally freaked out - because life can be unexpected
and that is a lesson to learn. Equally your child needs to know that bath,
story, bed means sleep because it provides them with a lesson about learning
to unwind at the end of the day.
Debbie Lewis is a specialist parent coach who regularly contributes on
parenting issues to national and regional media including Channel 5's
Trisha Goddard Show. Debbie runs Curve Coaching providing life coaching,
parent coaching and professional training and has worked for over ten
years with adults and children in a broad range of jobs including nanny,
consultant, social worker and running parenting groups. Debbie Lewis is
a registered member of The Parenting and Education Support Forum, The
General Social Care Council, an NLP Practitioner and accredited life coach.
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