 I'm
a mum - first and foremost
In December we asked you to complete a survey about how being a
mum has changed you as a person - if indeed it has and hundreds and hundreds
of you wanted to tell us how it is for you. From your emotional and physical
well-being to your existence in the workplace, your votes showed some interesting
results.
The emotional mum
Having a baby can really affect the way you feel - with or without hormones.
Some mothers profess to feeling a failure because for the first time ever,
they have no control over most of the situations they are in. Some feel
guilty if their children aren't happy 100 per cent of the time, eating
properly and sleeping through the night from day one.
However, our survey proves you're a pretty well-balanced and satisfied
lot! We were fascinated by the revelation that over two-thirds of you
see yourself as a mother first and foremost - over your other identities
as a wife or woman. We had originally thought that 'woman' alone would
score the highest but this ranked lowest in the choice, with only 18%.
Perhaps 61% of you felt that 'mother, wife, woman' reflected more accurately
all the roles you play in life and that 'woman' alone cannot encompass
them.
We were very impressed with how dedicated babyworld members
are to their families, with 72% of you saying that being a mum is the
most important role you play in life. Encouragingly, not many of you find
it hard to retain a sense of self now that your priorities and duties
have increased with the arrival of motherhood. Maybe this is why an impressive
61% of you feel more confident and fulfilled than ever before!
Only a small number of respondents (14%) admitted to finding motherhood
full of confusing uncertainties and, while 25% of you said you had suffered
from postnatal depression (above the national average of 10%, although
this is based on women who seek medical help), a large majority (70%)
feel that motherhood has made them a better person. We wonder how many
of you who answered this have toddlers as the main reason 44% of you have
given for this is that you have become more tolerant of others and less
selfish! (Perhaps the trials of toddlerdom increases your tolerance levels!)
Some of you seem to have fallen victim to the alleged mum's disease of
memory loss, as 18% admitted that you don't know how you ever held down
a job before your children came along because your brain has since become
mush. Luckily, only a small minority (7.5%) feel the need to constantly
assert or justify themselves now they are a mum.
The physical mum
It seems that while most of you feel having children has changed you
mentally and emotionally for the better, you aren't too keen on retaining
physical proof of your journey to motherhood - you vain lot! (Just kidding
- we're all like that in the office too.) Many of you (32%) absolutely
hate your stretchmarks and wish they would just go away, overshadowing
the 5% who regard them as proof of their status as a mum.
Having children can, sometimes permanently, affect your physical appearance,
either through the dreaded stretchmarks mentioned above or through droopier
breasts. However, 23% of you said that you dieted and exercised yourself
back to your pre-pregnancy shape as soon as possible after the birth of
your child(ren), while a smaller 20% of you admitted that you are bigger
than before but you rather like your new, womanly shape.
Make-up and fashion companies need not worry, as only a small percentage
(9%) think it's vain to want to be well-turned-out now you're a mum. A
whopping 71% of you argued that just because you have had children doesn't
mean that you don't want to look nice, so bring on the bling! An interesting
19% said pregnancy and motherhood hadn't made any difference in the beauty
stakes as you had never bothered about it before.
The social mum
Everyone jokes that your social life as you know it changes forever
once kids are on the scene but we wanted to find out for certain if this
was actually the case. Reassuringly, 45% of you still find the time to
meet frequently with your childless friends, although 30% of you admitted
to feeling strange and different when you do see them. As can be expected
with major changes in your life, 14% said that they had reached a natural
end in their friendships with childless mates, while 10% of you told us
that they had stopped contacting you now you're a mum. At times like this,
you definitely do know who your friends are…
Girls' nights out hold some appeal for 47% of you, who love to go out
occasionally and let your hair down. Good on you! However, 30% admitted
that these evenings weren't worth the hassle as you would probably spend
most of the time thinking about the kids or worrying what time you would
receive your wake-up call the next day. And we all know that on the rare
occasions that you manage a late night, you will almost certainly be woken
at an ungodly hour through sickness or insomnia. Might be worth a go though…
Mums do need some 'me' time though, as 58% of you agreed. How you preferred
to spend it varied, though. The most popular indulgence you voted for
was a night away with your partner in a posh hotel (54%), while a massage
or facial or an hour or two at the hairdresser's were also popular, with
20% and 13% respectively. Interestingly, 13% of you said you didn't need
to have time out on your own and that a perfect indulgence would be spending
quality time with your kids somewhere fun. This is indeed very noble.
We hope that the 35% of respondents who said they wanted but could never
find the time to indulge themselves promise to put themselves first once
in a while in the New Year.
The working mum
We constantly read heated discussions on our forums about whether mums
should give up their role as a career woman and/or bread winner once children
come along. This is an emotional topic for many of you so we thought we
would ask, in as uncontroversial a manner as possible, how many of you
do work. The results were split quite closely. More of you worked than
didn't but the reasons why were varied. Around 35% of you work either
full- or part-time for financial reasons, while 23% of you said that you
like to keep a balance between your career and your family. A third of
you chose not to work because you like staying at home with your child(ren),
while 9% did not work because you believe that mothers should stay at
home until their children reach school age.
How working mothers are treated in the workplace is often a subject
that hits the news. Mothers often receive bad press over their alleged
unreliability at work, which has provoked some women we know to work themselves
silly to prove to their colleagues that they are still perfectly capable
of holding down and doing well their job. Interestingly, only 11% of you
felt this way, while 50% were confident in their abilities and didn't
care what others thought. Oh, to have your self-confidence!
Of the 49% of respondents who don't work at all, 28% admitted that being
at home 24/7 can get pretty lonely at times, and this would be a reason
to get a job. However, 20% said that being a stay-at-home mum was completely
fulfilling and you wouldn't want to change it.
The domestic goddess
Housework - it can be a touchy subject, especially when traditionally
the woman is the master (or shall we say mistress) of the vacuum. We wanted
to know if the men in your lives pull their weight with a feather duster
but it seems to be a (near) halfway split, with nearly 50% of you doing
it as well as your job (24%) or as well as being at home and looking after
the children single-handedly (23%). We were more relieved to read that
45% of you share the chores with your partner which seems fair - he who
makes the mess can clean it, etc etc…, unless you, like 7% of voters,
have the luxury of a cleaner … bliss.
Overall, you seem to be a satisfied lot, which is great news! And we
agree with the 68% of you who say that, while motherhood is undoubtedly
a fantastic and life-changing experience, it's the hardest job you have
ever done, although childless people often think it's an easy option.
Don't worry. Their time will come …
Where to next?
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