 "I'm
going to poo!…"
Most of us do or say something cringe-worthy during labour.
Here are the best of your clangers! Shame on you!
If you think you can shock us further please send your contribution to
editor@babyworld !
"I wish I'd kept my mouth shut!"
"I shouted: 'I'm gonna poo!' whilst pushing. I never did and wish I'd
kept my mouth shut now!" Rachel
"I gave birth to a 7lb poo!"
"Mine is painfully fresh in my memory I'm afraid. I'd had an epidural,
which took 7 hours to work. It finally took hold just before Poppy was
born and my midwife wanted me to practise pushing without any feeling
in my lower half for when the time came. She held one leg and my husband
held the other and I pushed and pushed only too see a weird look come
over my husband's face. Then he turned his back on me and looked away
and the midwife got loads of tissue and started to strip the bed. I had
no idea what was going on until the smell wafted my way. After days of
being constipated I finally gave birth to a lovely 7lb 2oz baby poo. The
midwife didn't say a thing and just cleared it all away but my husband
was mortified. I was embarrassed for about 5 seconds but was too busy
giving birth to be bothered. It was only afterwards I was utterly, utterly
ashamed and could barely look the midwife in the face!" Anna
"I asked if I was doing it right."
"I have something that I wish I had never said out loud to my OB/GYN.
I had an epidural and so couldn't feel anything from the waist down. He
was telling me to push and I said back to him: 'Am I doing it right because
I can't feel anything - I bet everything else is moving down there except
the baby's head!' (I was referring to my bowels). I thought afterwards
that maybe I should of kept quiet!" Fiona
"I accused the anaesthetist of not knowing what
he was doing."
"Mine was when having my first son. I was having an epidural put in and
was obviously in pain whilst the anaesthetist was doing whatever he was
doing. Anyway it seemed to be taking ages so I turned my head and snarled
at him: 'You do know what you are doing don't you? You are qualified to
do this and you are aware that if you mess it up I could be paralysed?'
He very patiently answered that, yes, he did know what he was doing!"
Amanda x
"Playing Darth Vader with the gas and air mask!"
"When I had my first son Neil 15 years ago, I was pushing for all my
might and I smelt something. When I asked the midwife what had happened
my ex told me I had pooed myself. A little while later Neil's head was
out and they asked if I wanted to touch it but when I did I thought the
poo was still there and cried as I thought I had put my hand in poo! The
other thing is playing Darth Vader with the gas and air mask..." Mel
"I kept hallucinating about Molly the rabbit!"
"I was given a whole dose of Diamorphine to calm me down with my daughter.
I worked in a nursery and a few weeks before one of the nursery rabbits
had disappeared. In my drugged-up state, I announced that Molly the rabbit
was in the corner hopping about. The midwife said something to my husband
and I asked if he would mind phoning my boss to tell her. Then I asked
the midwife if they had a box to put the rabbit in as I wanted to surprise
the children at work. My husband told me: 'Certainly not, at 1.00am in
the morning!' and the midwife said she would see what she could find.
I then decided to try to pull the sides of the bed up as the rabbit was
going to catch me. The midwife told me the rabbit was in the box and I
called her a liar.
"With my son, I really really needed to scream so I did. My husband
said 'Shhh!' quite loudly to which I replied, 'You've had your minute
of passion, I'm the one in pain!" The midwife couldn't keep a straight
face and my husband warned me he would leave if I didn't behave." Louise
xx
"I told the registrar he needed a smack!"
"I told the registrar that I'd had enough and was going home then, after
having pethidine, I sat bolt upright, waved my finger at him and told
him 'you are a very naughty man and you need a smack'. Oh the shame!"
Lizzie
"I offered to have the anaesthetist's
babies."
"I was having twins and I couldn't have an epidural until a blood count
had been done. I screamed and screamed and twin one popped out. Twin two
wouldn't move into position and so they said my bloods had come back and
I was OK for an epidural. Thinking I would never see the anaesthetist
again I told him I would have his babies if he stopped it hurting (I grabbed
his hand and pulled him close to tell him this!). I ended up having an
emergency section but was pain free. Two days later, when I had gained
a little composure, the anaesthetist came to see me to ask me to fill
in a questionnaire about my experience of pain relief. He grinned at me
and said 'Bet you didn't think you'd see me again'. I withdrew my offer
and he said he understood!" Chris
"I told him to keep his f*****g hands to himself!"
"I remember clearly being in agony waiting for an epidural (that never
arrived) and, after 16 hours' labour (during most of which I wanted to
push), and my son being stuck in the wrong position, then trying to go
in the wrong direction, a consultant (male) told me to be quiet, there
was no need to make a noise and then said he was going to do an internal.
I told him to swap places and see how quiet he was and then when he went
to move the gown I told him to keep his f*****g hands to himself and stand
in the corner well away from me. My husband said afterwards that the guy
went and stood by the wall and didn't move for quite some time and when
he did he didn't come anywhere near me. I felt bad afterwards, but not
for long at all." Anne
"The midwife refused to hold my hand."
"Labour 1: I knocked the radio on by accident and my baby was born to
me singing 'Sledgehammer' at the top of my voice. Labour 2: I squeezed
the midwife's hand until she almost cried. In the end she refused to hold
my hand any more. Labour 3: I remember telling my husband that the midwife
was f***ing useless. I was high on gas and air and didn't realise she
was standing right next to me. Labour 4: The midwife told me to stop yelling
else I'd have a sore throat in the morning. I replied that that was the
least of my worries compared to my sore f*nny!" Jan
"I asked my husband if he wanted to go on Trisha
for a DNA test!"
"I asked my husband if he wanted to go on Trisha for a DNA test! Then
I asked if I was giving birth to a gorilla!? Then I announced that my
cousin always refused to go with my uncle in his car unless he played
70s music. And when the midwife said 'Oh we'll have your baby out within
the hour' I announced: 'Yes there will be two!' at which point my mum
nearly passed out. I don't know to this day what I meant though!" Tammy
"If it's not a boy, what is it?"
"Just as Gemma was born (I couldn't see her yet) I asked everyone if
it was a boy. They all replied 'no' and apparently I looked very bewildered.
I then asked 'What is it then?'. Just couldn't work it out!" Penny
"I thought you said....!"
I was in labour with my first son, and after no food or sleep for almost
24 hours, by the time my son was really coming i was almost delirious.
I had had the lot, gas and air, pethidine, and later on, an epidural.
In between contractions Iwas drifting off to semi-consciousness, and could
hear my midwife talking to me. She made a comment that I was sure I hadn't
heard properly, and asked her what she had said, and she repeated 'make
sure you rest in between your contractions' "Oh", I said,"
I thought you said masturbate between your contractions!" My darling
husband, mum and midwife were all laughing so much, and I didn't get what
was funny until afterwards. Also, which I don't remember, just after this
my midwife told me to stop talking, as she kept laughing until she had
tears in her eyes and needed to see what she was doing! Leanne
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