Surname's - would you change yours?In these modern times, do we still follow the tradition of taking our partner's name after marriage? We ran a poll to see what you thought … and were surprised by the results!
Stay or break with traditionWe asked babyworld members if they had taken their partner's surname when they married. We wanted to see if our members liked staying or breaking with tradition … and for what reasons. The results, as you can see, were very interesting: Poll question: When you married, did you take your partner's name? Yes - a woman should 66% Yes - only for the sake of my children 18% No - I wanted to keep mine - it's who I am 13% No - I didn't like it 1%The poll sparked a big discussion on our popular Discuss, Debate and Deliberate forum, which we thought we would reproduce below. We would like to highlight here that we omitted to include an option which a few of you would have wanted to vote for instead of the alternatives above - that you decided to take your partner's name because you wanted to. The answers should reflect this - and also are very indicative of the poll statistics. I didn't want to change my nameMany women these days are keeping their maiden name after marriage. Some do it to exercise their right as individuals and not the property of another man. Others do it because their surname forms an important part of who they are - it is their identity which they have had since birth. And some people just didn't like their partner's surname - why exchange a good one for an awful one? A tradition based on women being property of menI never considered changing my surname. It's who I am. Also I feel that it's a tradition that's based in women being property of men, ie you are given away by your father (whose name you had) to your husband (whose name you take), and I didn't like that idea. My husband refused to even contemplate changing his name to mine which wound me up even more. His family are horrified that I kept my own name and delight in sending cards to Jillian Zimmerman, so I sometimes sign cards to them as being from the Werb family. So far my two daughters have taken their father's name because I thought it was less silly than mine (only just though!) but we might give our next child my surname just to even things out a bit. I don't mind that other women take their husbands' names, yet I find that a lot of them are threatened by the fact that I haven't, eg my sister in law. Jill Only if my kids were bullied I'd never change my name to a fella's I chose to take my husband's name Many women these days choose to take their husband's surname. It is still a large part of our culture, as much as white weddings and fathers 'giving away' their daughters to their husbands. It can be considered another way of proving your love for and commitment to another person. Of course, taking your husband's name can help you escape from an embarrassing or plain awful maiden name, so it does have its aesthetic advantages too! It represented a new beginningTo be honest, changing my name represented a new beginning as a married woman. I LIKED the idea of "belonging" with (not to) my husband and I also like tradition. I think some women read too much into name changing, etc. It's not always all about women being under the thumb and being seen as someone's property. It's a tradition associated with marriage - that's all! You could then argue that the wearing of each other's rings also means that you are showing others that you "belong" to someone. This is true, and I like that, but some people don't, so don't wear rings at all. Dee It's down to the person involved There are more important things to worry about
I love us having the same name
I did it because I wanted to! I don't feel suppressed I hate Haite! It's "right" to change your name I wanted us all to have the same nameWhile not taking your husband's name might not have any ramifications if you are a childless couple, it suddenly can present a dilemma when children come into the picture. In your desire to keep your own name, how do you then feel about your children having a different surname to you? It can make women feel somewhat estranged from the rest of their family and it is often at this point that a woman takes her husband's surname, if she hasn't before. Call me old-fashioned …I changed my name to that of my husband when we married. Call me old-fashioned but the main reason we married (on our seventh anniversary) was because we both wanted kids and I wanted them to have the same name as both parents. Carol I will take his name I didn't feel any pressure A suitable compromiseIf you feel very strongly about keeping your own surname but don't want to be separated from the rest of your family because of your decision, why not go double-barrelled? It seems to be a popular choice these days but it's wise beforehand to consider carefully if the two surnames sound good together! We're considering going double-barrelledWell, I'm not married and the baby is going to take both our names as I don't see why it should have just my partner's. However, if I were married I would take my husband's name at the drop of a hat - because my surname is plain old Brown. I think it's nice for the whole family to have the same name; we are both considering going double-barrelled as well. (Why not just get married?!) I certainly don't think that women 'should' change their names on marriage, I think it's a personal choice and I agree with Jillian's dislike of the 'male property' idea. Alison Where to next?
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