Step-families

By the year 2010, the number of children living in step-families will outnumber those living with both natural parents, according to research by the Policy Studies Institute.

Adding a baby to an existing stepfamily affects a number of different relationships which may already be quite fragile. Existing children may fear that they are being replaced, a new mum may find it hard to feel in control when her partner has been through parenthood before, while a first-time father may feel that his needs are being squeezed out.

"Having a baby together can unite families, particularly if there are step-children on both sides. But however united it is, it makes a more complex family and that complexity needs to be thought about, worked at and acknowledged," says therapist Cheryl Walters, head of policy and research at Parentline Plus, a charity incorporating The National Stepfamily Association, Parentline and Parent Network, which provides information and support to families.

Walters says that in her experience more than 50 per cent of couples in second relationships/marriages go on to have a child together, although there are no official figures to support this theory.

"One of the main problems is that parents' expectations are too high and they think everyone's going to feel great about a new baby. Often, the children who feel great when you tell them you are expecting a baby absolutely hate it when it happens and vice versa."

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Step families case study