There's no place like homeMoving house is one of the most stressful things a person can do in their life. Follow our guide to making it easier on your child and yourself. By Sam Pope - who's just moved herself, and wished she'd written this beforehand!
Everyone knows that moving house can be a huge upheaval. Research has shown that moving comes second only to losing a close relative, and before illness, divorce and unemployment in terms of emotional upset. While parents worry about getting all the packing done and how to shift all that furniture from A to B, children will be thinking about everything they will be losing - a familiar home and local environment and their friends. This can be compounded further by feelings of powerlessness; after all it's the adults who make the decision to up and go, and children rarely get a say in the matter. Even though it is apparently easier to move children aged five years or less, to toddlers a move can signal that the world as they know it is falling apart. That's not to say that moving house will emotionally and psychologically damage your little one! If it's done with some planning, and conducted well, it can have a very positive outcome. Talk away the stressIt's really important to talk to your children about what's going to happen as soon as possible so they can get used to the idea of leaving their house. You can make the situation seem more of an adventure by talking about the new house - taking them there a few times before you move will also help, if possible - and explaining what they can expect in the new area. Obviously, how much you tell them will be dependent on their age and understanding, but it's surprising how much even a small toddler can pick up from your words and tone of voice. You could try reading them stories about other children who have moved to explain the situation more clearly and in context. Since children have short attention spans, you might find your child wandering off the subject after a minute or two. Unlike adults, they can't spend a few hours debating the pros and cons of a subject! Move on to whatever new interests them but be prepared at any time for questions about the move, and spend as much time as your child needs to talk things through with them. After the months of planning, the reality suddenly strikes. It's often best not to have your child around during the moving process itself - staying with relatives or going to their normal nursery will give your child a secure base during all the activity. Before you leave your old house, take your toddler around each separate room to say good-bye. You may feel a bit silly doing this but it's an important way of bringing an end to one era before starting another. It might help you too, especially if you have lived in the same place for quite a long time. It's also a good idea, when you have arrived in your new house, to go around showing your child each and every room, explaining to them what they are, so they get a sense of belonging in the new place. Once you have arrived at your new home, tackle your child's bedroom first. Make sure their favourite toys and teddies are unpacked so they can see something familiar in their new room. Having their own semi-familiar space will make them feel more secure and settled. If your child is older, you could leave some of the less important unpacking till later and ask them to decide where they'd like to put things. Make sure you stick to your child's normal sleeping and eating routines to further add to their sense of normality and safety. How soon will they settle in?Do not expect the impossible. Despite your best efforts, your child may take a little longer than you had expected or hoped to settle in. They need to become used to their new surroundings - both within and outside the house - before they can start relaxing. If your child is attending a new school, six weeks is completely normal for them to get used to their new surroundings. Children can react to moving house in many different ways - and how they react will vary greatly on each child's personality, character and ability to adjust to new situations. Some children may not mind the move at all and find it rather exciting! Others may be more unsettled by the situation and could display the following behaviour traits.
Older children, typically those of school age, may experience a change their sleeping patterns, have trouble concentrating and/or have stomach aches or headaches. More rarely, some children might have a change in their personality and may suddenly start lying or stealing. These reactions are down to stress; as children cannot always understand what is going on or express their own feelings, they resort to expressing other signs of stress. However your child responds, it's important to let them know that you are always there for them to talk to. Quality time with mum and dad is very important during this period of transition. If, after a month or two, your child is not showing signs of settling in to their new home, talk to your doctor or health visitor. An expert viewOne child behaviour expert we talked to emphasises the importance of recognising just how stressful moving house is for everyone involved, especially children. 'It's one of the most traumatic experiences a person can go through,' she insists. 'What's important is to explain what is happening to your child, even if you think they're not taking it all in. Babies and toddlers do understand more than we think and talking to them about the experience will help them start making adjustments. Show them pictures of the old house or, if you haven't moved far away, take them back there again. This won't upset them; rather it might help the healing process. If your child's grandparent died, you wouldn't hide pictures of them and never talk about them, so don't pretend their old house didn't exist either.' Page 1 of 2 Next page
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