 "Having
children is like a boot camp in developing emotional intelligence"
It's official: motherhood does make you smarter. Sam Pope talked
to US journalist, author and mother Katherine Ellison about her ground-breaking
book The Mommy Brain to find out why your brain doesn't turn to mush during
motherhood.
What was your inspiration behind writing the book?
I was terrified that having a baby would mean sacrificing any hope of
an intellectual life. But I discovered that it was just the opposite:
having children stimulated my mind like nothing before. So I wanted to
share that feeling.
Did people joke about your 'diminishing' brain
capacity when you became a mum?
I think I probably made the most self-deprecating comments, as women
tend to do. I was reacting to the strong stereotype that women get stupid
when they have babies. But this can be a self-fulfilling prophesy: if
you're convinced (because of your own or others' expectations) that you'll
do worse as a mom, you probably will. Whereas the more confident you go
into the experience, the more you and your kids will get out of it.
How does motherhood make you smarter then? How did it
make you, personally, smarter?
For the past 20 years, psychologists have been expanding our notion
of 'smarts', taking it well beyond the simple ability to add sums in your
head to the much broader realm of surviving well in the world, achieving
your goals, coping with stress and having successful relationships, at
home, with friends and at work.
In the book, I detail five ways that motherhood can make you smarter,
in terms of perceptiveness, resilience, efficiency, motivation and emotional
intelligence. There is some scientific evidence to back up each of these
areas, and I've certainly felt it to be true in my own experience. Mostly
I've been impressed at how having children is like a boot camp in developing
emotional intelligence, a very useful skill in all realms of your life.
Moms (and of course many dads) are more invested in their children than
in any other relationship; thus we work harder to make the relationship
work… and often that effort pays off in new or strengthened capacities
to negotiate, manipulate, resolve conflicts and empathise.
Women are supposedly very emotionally intelligent
but is this as sought-after a commodity as a business brain, for example?
One thing I can tell you is that many big businesses in the US, and
I'd assume in the UK as well, are spending a fortune training people in
emotional intelligence: there's a cottage industry of consultants and
programmes ever since Daniel Goleman's breakthrough book in 1995 on the
subject. I heard just this week about 'empathy training' for doctors.
With so much going wrong in our culture, one very encouraging development
is that people are putting new value on emotional connections - bosses
are slowly realising that it pays to support good morale and loyalty among
their employees, and even politicians are starting, if too slowly, to
recognise the need to give employees more flexibility and time with their
families.
If oxytocin can help improve a woman's capacity
for learning and memory, why do so many women complain of forgetfulness
during pregnancy and beyond?
I devoted a whole chapter about the mental downside of child-rearing,
especially in our culture. But I point out that what we often think is
the inevitable curse of the "mommy brain" is mere sleep deprivation (which
is avoidable with a modicum of social support) and stress (which can also
be minimised). The point is that women need a lot more support than we're
getting when we have children: the whole important job is supremely undervalued.
What about dads?
There is basic research, with rodents and primates, showing males do
make gains just from being around their young 'uns, though as one scientist
joked, 'They hit a glass ceiling'. Gains for females appear to be much
greater. One interesting insight is that fathers are prone to marked hormonal
fluctuations, similar to women though much milder, and, interestingly,
with an impact dependent on how close they are to their wives and children.
Are the brain-boosting benefits of pregnancy
and motherhood temporary?
This is one of the most interesting things that researchers have found:
in lab animals, the gains appear to be permanent, long after the pups
have left the nest. This highly motivated learning stays with you: it's
why mothers never forget how to rock a baby to sleep… or do 20 things
in a day. As for oxytocin, a Swedish expert on the hormone told me she's
convinced that once women get the large dose that comes with labor and
delivery and nursing, they are always more prone to its influence, which
can appear in many ways in daily life (oxytocin levels can be boosted
apparently by making love, getting a massage or merely experiencing trust
in a business negotiation).
In what ways can women sharpen their minds?
There are so many ways! Novelty is high on the list - children naturally
bring novelty into your life, but you can also seek out adventures, new
relationships, hobbies and games. Researchers are constantly finding out
how important a network of close relationships is in keeping the brain
fit into old age, and women and mothers excel in maintaining such a network.
Will the term 'mommy brain' ever be seen
as a compliment in our lifetime?!
That's certainly my hope. One of my favorite reviews here in the US said
that George Bush could use a 'mommy brain'!
Has anything you discovered while researching your
book inspired you to write a sequel?
I continue to hear about very interesting research on the neuroscience
front, and often report developments on my website, www.themommybrain.com,
but my next project will probably have to do with the environment again.
The window of opportunity to do something meaningful about climate change
is quickly closing, and I feel compelled to be writing on this topic,
whether in articles or book form. Thanks so much for your interest!
Where to next?
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