Rachel's story: 'It was nature's way of sorting a problem'
"We started trying for a baby last autumn and I got pregnant in November. We were thrilled. When I went for my dating scan in week 12, the sonographer said that she needed a second opinion. Her colleague repeated the external scan and then did an internal scan. On the ward, a nurse explained the findings – an almost normal sized pregnancy sac but the baby inside had died sometime earlier as they couldn’t find a heartbeat. After being examined by a doctor, I was advised that a D&C was the best option as I wasn’t bleeding and my cervix was still tightly closed. I returned for the operation the following morning. I had always dreaded a D&C but the staff at the maternity hospital were wonderfully caring and happy to explain as much or as little as I needed. It was over by mid-morning and my husband took me home later that afternoon. "I went back to work five days later. Initially, it was difficult to concentrate and to interact with people as if nothing had changed. Given most of my colleagues are women, I was surprised to find the whole issue being hushed up even though I tried to make it clear that I wanted to be open about the reason for my absence. That’s not to say they have been unsupportive, I think they were trying to protect me. We hadn’t told our families about the baby so we were spared having to tell them bad news – we might tell them one day when we’ve successfully produced a bundle of joy! A few people have come forward having heard about my miscarriage to say it happened to them or to their partners and we’ve really appreciated this, and the support we’ve found online through babyworld. Although it’s not something you would wish on anyone else, hearing about other people’s experiences makes you feel more normal and less alone! "We both know that it was nature’s way of sorting out a problem. My husband’s main feeling is frustration about how long it’ll take before I’m three months pregnant again. In the quieter moments when I've been alone, I think I’ve been through about every emotion – sadness, loss, loneliness, depression, anger, guilt, relief, disbelief, failure... It was all over so quickly and having had no idea that there was a problem until the scan, it was more of a shock than I first realised at the time. "It’s a few weeks on now and we are keen to try again. Although we expect to be more anxious next time, we shall also be more prepared should anything go wrong and more confident in dealing with the medical professionals."
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