What makes a great dad?
David Beckham is the nation's favourite role-model
for a father according to a poll of first-time dads. But what exactly makes a good dad and
how much influence does the father have over his child's wellbeing?
Beckham comes top of the
pops because he manages to combine gentleness with masculinity. Jack O'Sullivan, co-founder of Fathers Direct, the national information centre for fatherhood,
says, 'He's a man's man, but he also comes across as a caring partner and father. He's made fatherhood visible, fashionable and fun, and he's done what every dad would like to do
by handing his son the Cup.'
Our own mini poll shows that most women are clear on what they think separates Superdad from the rest of the bunch. In five easy(ish) steps, here's what we think it takes to make the grade:
1. Be involved from day one
Nine out of ten dads attend their baby's birth, which both partners say strengthens the bond between parents and child. Laura speaks for all the mums we polled when she says, 'I'm convinced that attending antenatal classes, the birth and getting involved with Eve as a newborn created a really strong bond between Eve and my partner Alex. As a result, Alex has always wanted to share in all the responsibilities and the fun of parenting.'
This belief is backed up by a major new report, entitled What Good Are Dads? by Professor Charlie Lewis of Lancaster University, which shows that involved fathers have children who thrive emotionally, educationally, socially and physically. This is especially true of dads who have become emotionally involved from birth or before.
2. Be hands-on
'Research shows that warmth and kindness are far more important factors in a child's development than a parent's gender,' says Professor Lewis.
90 per cent of the women we polled agreed that 'hands-on' fathering is essential to being a great dad.
'Joe is very touchy-feely with 18-month-old Asher,' says Anne-Marie. 'Joe started massaging
our son when he had problems with a windy tummy. It didn't always work for
Asher, but it really drew Joe into fatherhood and it has brought them so close. They have lots of kisses and cuddles but also loads of rough and tumble play, which I have never been much good at. Asher's face just beams when Joe walks through the door. Joe doesn't get home until 7pm, but from then until bedtime the boys just have a ball.'
3. Put the family first
A great dad is someone who puts his family first, and the What Good Are Dads? report reveals that most men consider fathering to be the most important part of their lives - something Beckham proved by not going to training when baby Brooklyn was ill.
'One simple way that my partner David puts the family first is by getting home from work in time to give me a break in the evening,'says Mags, mother to eight-month-old James.
David also gets up with James in the morning, by choice, as that's their special time together. David's is the first face that James sees when he wakes up and it seems to give them a special bond.'
4. Be an equal partner
The report also claims that men are as emotionally responsive to their babies as women and they give them the same amounts of affection. A crying or smiling baby affects the heart rate and blood pressure of a father in the same way as a mother.
Working mums, in particular, felt that emotionally-involved partners were more likely to play a more equal role in childcare. 'My husband is as involved as I am with the children', says Mel. 'He works more flexible hours then me, so he's happy to deal with the childminder and cope with the emotional traumas of their day. When I get home he'll have fed our two kids, played with them and bathed them, and all three of them are happy.'
5. Spend time with your child
Fathers are hugely important in their children's development, even when they don't live with the child. 'It's essential to be there for your child, focus on their needs and recognise their achievements,' says Jack
O'Sullivan, of Father's Direct.
For example, Kim who is separated from her partner, Luke,says, 'Luke and I have our differences, but I could never fault him on how he treats our children. He loves to spend time with them and he's completely focused on their needs. Even when we have disagreements he never lets it affect how he treats the children.'
Professor Lewis' research shows that fathers who spend quality time with their children and offer them kindness, warmth and care can stretch their language skills (because they are less likely to use baby talk), help them to become more sociable at nursery, do better at school, and reduce their chance having criminal record by the age of 21.
By Sheila Lavery
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