What makes a great dad?
Our babyworld mini poll shows that most women are clear on what they
think makes a great dad!
In five easy(ish) steps, here's what we think it takes to make the grade.
1. Be involved from day one
Nine out of ten dads attend their baby's birth, which both partners say
strengthens the bond between parents and child. Laura speaks for all the
mums we polled when she says, 'I'm convinced that attending antenatal
classes, the birth and getting involved with Eve as a newborn created
a really strong bond between Eve and my partner Alex. As a result, Alex
has always wanted to share in all the responsibilities and the fun of
parenting.'
This belief is backed up by a major report, entitled What Good Are
Dads? by Professor Charlie Lewis of Lancaster University, which shows
that involved fathers have children who thrive emotionally, educationally,
socially and physically. This is especially true of dads who have become
emotionally involved from birth or before.
2. Be hands-on
'Research shows that warmth and kindness are far more important factors
in a child's development than a parent's gender,' says Professor Lewis.
90 per cent of the women we polled agreed that 'hands-on' fathering is
essential to being a great dad.
'Joe is very touchy-feely with 18-month-old Asher,' says Anne-Marie. 'Joe
started massaging our son when he had problems with a windy tummy. It
didn't always work for Asher, but it really drew Joe into fatherhood and
it has brought them so close. They have lots of kisses and cuddles but
also loads of rough and tumble play, which I have never been much good
at. Asher's face just beams when Joe walks through the door. Joe doesn't
get home until 7pm, but from then until bedtime the boys just have a ball.'
3. Put the family first
A great dad is someone who puts his family first, and the What Good
Are Dads? report reveals that most men consider fathering to be the
most important part of their lives. We applaud celebrities who act like
this too, something David Beckham proved by not going to training when
baby Brooklyn was ill and, as a result, received massive positive publicity
for and why he was voted Britain's No1 dad some year's ago.
'One simple way that my partner David puts the family first is by getting
home from work in time to give me a break in the evening,'says Mags, mother
to eight-month-old James. David also gets up with James in the morning,
by choice, as that's their special time together. David's is the first
face that James sees when he wakes up and it seems to give them a special
bond.'
4. Be an equal partner
The report also claims that men are as emotionally responsive to their
babies as women and they give them the same amounts of affection. A crying
or smiling baby affects the heart rate and blood pressure of a father
in the same way as a mother.
Working mums, in particular, felt that emotionally-involved partners were
more likely to play a more equal role in childcare. 'My husband is as
involved as I am with the children', says Mel. 'He works more flexible
hours then me, so he's happy to deal with the childminder and cope with
the emotional traumas of their day. When I get home he'll have fed our
two kids, played with them and bathed them, and all three of them are
happy.'
5. Spend time with your child
Fathers are hugely important in their children's development, even when
they don't live with the child. 'It's essential to be there for your child,
focus on their needs and recognise their achievements,' says Jack O'Sullivan,
of Father's Direct.
For example, Kim who is separated from her partner, Luke,says, 'Luke and
I have our differences, but I could never fault him on how he treats our
children. He loves to spend time with them and he's completely focused
on their needs. Even when we have disagreements he never lets it affect
how he treats the children.'
Professor Lewis' research shows that fathers who spend quality time with
their children and offer them kindness, warmth and care can stretch their
language skills (because they are less likely to use baby talk), help
them to become more sociable at nursery, do better at school, and reduce
their chance having criminal record by the age of 21.
By Sheila Lavery
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