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How long should you leave it?
Being pregnant for the first time is a mind-blowing experience. Many new mums vow "this is the last baby I’m having" – and that’s often just minutes after the birth! But it’s a sentiment soon forgotten as most of us go on to have at least one other child. There’s a feeling it’s good to have a brother or sister – to be a companion through childhood and, hopefully, a close friend through adulthood. Which raises the question of how long to leave between children. 21 years between children Secretary Sandy, of Loughborough, Leicestershire, has a daughter Jo, now 24 (above), a son Josh (left), aged three, and is expecting twins in the spring of 2001. She also has a grandson, Callum, aged five. She says: "I went so long between pregnancies as I am now with a different partner. I was first pregnant when I was 17 and wasn’t married to my daughter’s dad. "I met my husband Neil eight years ago. We both wanted children but realised it might never happen. "Being pregnant the second time was more stress-free because of the circumstances, but it was more difficult physically. And there was a lot of difference in the way I was treated by the medical profession, I felt like a human being! "I don’t feel that I missed out not having my children nearer together. Jo and I were closer as there was just the two of us. "She was thrilled when Josh came along. I probably spoil him with attention – but Jo understands I was on my own with her and it wasn’t always possible. "With this pregnancy, I wanted to give Josh a brother or sister close to his own age. Jo was pleased when I told her – and when I said it was twins I had to hold the phone away from my ear – and I think her phone bill went through the ceiling!" 17 months between childrenAt the other end of the spectrum, Sharon Homer always knew she wanted a little brother or sister for Mollie, now aged two and three months. She and husband Christopher thought a gap of around three years would be best. But just 17 months after having Mollie, Sharon became pregnant again, with Chloe, now nearly eight months old. She says: "We wanted to leave it until Mollie was more independent, I was shocked but pleased when Chloe came along and when I thought about it, decided it was a good gap, it would be lovely for Mollie." Shop worker Sharon, aged 26, of Walsall, West Midlands, reckons having two children so close together is undoubtedly hard work – but it has its benefits. She says: "Sometimes I think I’m going to have to split myself in two – Chloe is just starting to crawl and can scream with frustration when she is not able to. Meanwhile, Mollie is getting very clingy as she feels she wants all the attention too." But she adds: "It’s great to see Mollie and Chloe together, they are already very close, Mollie loves to help. When I think of the two of them playing together in the years to come, all the hard work will be worth it." Where to next?
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While around one in 70 of us benefit from the
'instant
family' a multiple birth brings, most are left with the difficult
decision of how long to leave between kids to ensure two’s company.
We talk to two mums who left very different gaps.
Sandy Edwards, aged 42, became a grandmother before she became a mum for the second time.