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In May 2006, we featured babyworld
moderator Carole Le Bon's emotional rollercoaster of a journey into adoption.
Nine months later, spookily enough, Carole is proud to be the new mum
of Bea. We caught up with what happened to her…
We ended our last story with the news that Carole and husband Andy had
been unofficially approved to be adoptive parents and, on 10 May 2006,
the announcement became official. Everyone who had been glued to their
adoption story on babyworld.co.uk was as thrilled as the
couple themselves to hear that, as soon as a match was found, their long-held
desire to be parents could soon become a reality. Just over a fortnight
later, Carole announced in her pregnancy diary that there was talk of
a sibling group to adopt: an 18-month-old girl and a three-and-a-half-year-old
boy.
It was an amazingly quick match, considering their very recent approval,
but it didn't feel right to either Carole or Andy. "I knew before I'd
even put the phone down and had spoken to Andy - gut instinct - that this
sibling group wasn't for us," she explained in her diary. "I tried to
remind myself that there were plenty of other couples who would jump at
the chance so that I didn't envisage these children in the system for
too long."
A second chance
Even though it was essential for Carole and Andy to turn down an unsuitable
match, Carole still felt worried that their decision would go against
them. A meeting with their social worker on the 6 of June put their minds
at rest. The point was proven later that same day when the telephone rang
with news of another possible match: a one-year-old boy. In her diary
entry, Carole was both ecstatic and nervous, "We are still gobsmacked
at being selected so soon, twice! But we're new to all this and the overriding
emotion is that it is all so daunting.
We have both decided that we would like some more information about him
and will be seeing the little boy's social worker (and ours) next week."
The very next day, Carole admitted feeling an "invisible thread" between
her and the possible child but, five days later, the match wasn't going
ahead. For reasons that Carole could not divulge, things didn't feel right
for them so they had to pull out. "I am so sad to be giving this news,"
she wrote. "We didn't get a gut instinct that he was for us at all. But,
in my head I'd bought the pushchair, left work and almost felt like a
mum. We're both absolutely gutted and feel we've let this little boy down."
All quiet on the adoption front
By the end of July, no further matches had been mooted as there weren't
many children in their preferred age group up for adoption. This carried
on into the middle of September, when Carole started expressing concern
as to whether a match would be possible in 2006, as placements are normally
avoided around Christmas time. However, a week later, good news came knocking
on Carole's door. A match had been made between them and a six-month-old
girl. "I can't give out too many details, but all I can say is she is
a dream come true, if it all goes ahead, we couldn't have dreamt for a
better scenario," said Carole. "We have been told that this baby could
be a pre-Christmas placement.
Obviously, it depends on a lot of things, but there is a chance that
- if we go ahead - we could have her home for Christmas." In the days
following this, Carole became so excited about the potential match that
she allowed herself to look at books about pureed baby food and research
biodegradable nappies in Tesco! Meanwhile, she and Andy decided to buy
each other new marriage rings. In August, they had celebrated ten years
of marriage and they felt new rings would symbolise both their commitment
to each other and, hopefully, the year in which they would finally become
parents.
A match made in heaven
On 10 October 2006, Carole and Andy met with their social worker and
finally learnt the name of their potential baby girl. "It was a very surreal
moment: tears, goosebumps, the lot," recalled Carole. "We could not have
conjured up the details of this match ourselves. It is like fate has taken
a hand (thank you Nan) and answered all our wishes. I honestly wished
to be matched in October to a six-month-old baby and would have chosen
the name myself. It is definitely meant to be.
Our social worker said no one else is being considered for this baby,
as we are deemed the perfect match. Apparently she even looks like me."
On Carole's pregnancy diary, she decided to refer to the little girl as
'Bea' for confidentiality. "That was my late Nan's middle name and it
means 'she who brings happiness'," Carole explained. All the while this
was going on, Carole's cyberfriends on babyworld had quietly
been organising a collection for Carole and Andy and their new arrival.
Carole was touched and overjoyed by this unexpected act of kindness.
Final confirmation
A diary entry on 17 October gave us an insight into the conflicting emotions
Carole has had to deal with at every stage in the adoption journey. She
had been clearing out an old room in her house in preparation for the
baby's arrival and, amongst the clutter, she discovered a diary she had
written in 1999. "It was the year we were going through all the fertility
tests," she explained. "It was really sad to read but happy too, because
of the reason we were clearing the room out. It just made me realise how
unhappy I was back then and how I tried to pretend I wasn't. It asked
what I wanted for 2010 and I said 'two children'; I honestly had no idea
how out of reach that was at the time. It was full of 'I know it will
happen...' and then 'I know it won't'. It made me realise how lucky I
am to be off that roller coaster.. I really didn't want to be on it a
minute longer than I was."
On the 20th of October, Carole and Andy were still waiting for confirmation
that the match between them and Bea would go through but were pretty positive
that it would, with their social worker jokingly saying that she would
'resign' if it didn't. Bea's social worker was equally positive, as Carole
revealed in her diary. "She told me she did a double-take when she walked
in and saw me, as Bea looks like me. She also said that our details had
jumped out at her and she knew pretty much straight away that we were
right." Later that day, Carole and Andy heard the good news that the adoption
was confirmed. In November, even better news came round the corner: Carole
and Andy would be parents by Christmas.
A surprise baby shower!
The period thereafter was a little stressful. Carole had to give notice
at her job because she was hopefully going to become a mum sooner than
thought. Exhausted from lack of sleep, Carole was not in a great mood
on 18 November. She had planned a shopping trip with her mum and was irritated
that they had to stop off at her cousin's house rather than head straight
to the shops.
However, what awaited her inside was beyond her expectations: a surprise
baby shower organised by her family. "I was utterly shocked. I burst into
tears, ran back into the lounge and sobbed like a baby. I couldn't believe
what was happening: the people that were there, everything. It has to
be said, one of the happiest and most special days of my life. My mum,
cousin and auntie had organised it all, despite me being the most awkward
and hardest person to arrange anything for, as I constantly rearranged
my plans. I couldn't believe all the presents and cards, poems etc. My
cousin had made a lovely tea party, with cakes with baby's name written
on them, banners, balloons. I am still heady with champagne and emotion.
I just can't believe it was all for me!"
Panel - the official approval
On November 23rd, Carole and Andy attended the official matching panel.
"The panel went so well," Carole recalled. "They convened at 3.30pm on
the dot and we were called in at about 3.45pm. They asked us three questions:
one medical, one about Bea's name, and who she looks like in our family.
They smiled at our answers and asked us to leave. A minute later they
came out and said, 'We agree that you are a perfect match for Bea and
we couldn't be happier for you'. So there you have it. We are officially
Bea's mum and dad and we cannot wait to meet her now!
Their first meeting
As 4 December dawned, Carole awoke feeling sick with nerves. This was
the day they would meet their little girl for the first time at her foster
carer's home. "It's such a momentous day, but I'm trying to keep it all
realistic at the moment," Carole admitted. "She is NOT going to run into
our arms and be comfortable with us straight away, as much as that would
be wonderful. So, I'm just going to sit on the floor, let her come to
us and see if she wants to play with some toys. Anything more will be
a bonus." Everything went better than Carole could have possibly expected.
"It was the single most amazing event of our entire lives together. We
could never have dreamt that it would go so well. When we got there, I
was shaking like a leaf. We took our shoes off in the hall and this tiny
little girl came crawling towards us. "We sat down on the floor and she
stopped and smiled at us, then carried on crawling until she was at her
mummy's knees, climbed onto my lap and I picked her up. She cuddled into
my neck and I was beside myself but held it together for Bea's sake. She
then got down and crawled to daddy, climbed onto his lap and gave him
a cuddle too. Even the foster carer and social worker were in tears. We
would go through another nine years of heartache for that moment - it
was beyond anything we had ever expected or dreamed of." Four days later,
Bea was brought to Carole's home for a few hours. "Bea was absolutely
fine looking around; she didn't cry at all," wrote Carole. "She followed
me into the kitchen, and while the social worker was there she sat with
me and I fed her a bottle. I think the social worker was impressed as
she left after 20 minutes, so that's great. I am really hoping for a Friday
15th placement... please, please, please!"
Placement day
On 15 December 2006, Bea finally joined Carole and Andy to become part
of their much-longed-for family. Even the social worker had tears in her
eyes as the trio were united. "I still can't believe it," said a shell-shocked
Carole. "The amount of years I've been typing a diary - from the infertility
one to the adoption one, and now to the baby diary - I just cannot believe
it. Every morning I think to myself, is it really real? And I get a lovely
feeling when I realise it is. Our daughter is beautiful. Andy said we
would be one of the lucky ones, and he was right. And to think I nearly
cancelled the prep course."
The baby blues
It is not only 'natural' mums who get the baby blues. Adoptive mums are
also at risk, as Carole found out five days later. "Today was a bit of
a funny day," she said in her diary. "Both horrible and lovely. This morning
I felt so low and spent the hour Bea was in bed crying in Andy's arms
because I felt so low, and felt I should be feeling so happy to have achieved
my dream after nine years of waiting. However, after speaking with my
mum, the foster carer, AND the lovely ladies on the babyworld Adoption
forum, who did a bit of emergency posting for me, I started to
feel much better." "Andy let me have a break for a few hours and, after
giving Bea her lunch, she went down for another sleep and slept for over
an hour. When she woke up, she was a different child and I was a different
person too. Talk about needing to take each hour as it comes. This morning
I was in the depths of despair and a few hours later, I was much, much
happier."
Christmas joy
In another five days, Andy, Carole and Bea were celebrating their first
Christmas together. "It was magical!" Carole enthused. "We woke up before
Bea and couldn't wait for her to wake up! She, of course, had no idea
what all the excitement was about. We took her into our bed and she opened
her stocking presents and promptly discarded the presents and started
eating the paper. "Then we went downstairs and opened our other presents
by the tree. It was lovely having our daughter there on Christmas Day;
she is our very own Christmas cracker and a dream come true. "We collapsed
in the evening when she had gone to bed, and we just felt so happy, fulfilled
and so blessed that we had just spent our first Christmas as a family,
and that we were able to give our families the one thing they have wanted
for years and years too. You don't realise how much it affects the rest
of the family until it finally happens and you can see what a difference
she makes. She has made all our lives complete, her nannies and grandads,
aunties... everyone. We went to bed on Christmas Day a very, very happy
Mum and Dad!"
Out with the old, in with the new
On New Year's Eve, Carole was in a reflective mood in her pregnancy diary,
as she now had finally had the baby she had carried in her mind for nearly
a decade. Anyone who reads her decision to adopt and this piece can only
be moved by the intense emotions Carole and Andy endured: disappointment,
fear, anger, hope, excitement and joy. Was it all worth it? "To quote
my first diary, 'There is life after infertility': YES THERE IS!", said
Carole resolutely. "It came to us in the form of adoption, which came
to fruition in December 2006 with our little stick of dynamite, Baby Bea."
Where to next?
To read Part One of Carole's adoption journey, click
here
"She
who brings happiness" 
