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You'll
never guess what my child did...!
' It always happens. Just when you're hosting a coffee morning
or entertaining the in-laws, your child comes out with something so cringeworthy
that you want to climb under their playpen and pretend it never happened.
Inspired by this hilarious photo by Babyworld moderator Julie, Babyworlders
share their most embarrassing moments (which seem to revolve around bodily
smells, sanitary products and Tesco).
'Sanitary towels make wonderful toys'
My third daughter discovered that sanitary towels with wings make wonderful
blankets for the right toys recently. I love children!' Suzannah
'Go away, silly old lady'
' 'We were shopping and a lady of I'd say about 50 was picking apples
up and we were too. Izzy was about 24 months old and pointed and shouted
"Go away, silly old lady!!" I was so embarrassed I just pushed the trolley
away as fast as I could. I have no idea where she learnt "silly old lady"
from! Also, she once got to the bottom of a slide in a soft-play centre
and realised she needed a wee, so she stood up and stripped from the waist
down and ran to the toilets which were quite a way away.' Em
'Wings make great aeroplanes'
' 'I had a friend who went out and left her two sons with her husband.
When she came home, she noticed the boys had stuck her sanitary towels
all over the front window; because they had "wings" they decided they'd
make great aeroplanes! Her husband was, like many men, oblivious to what
they'd done. I'm sure the passers-by had a great laugh.' Lisa
'She pulled my trousers and knickers down to my ankles'
' 'My daughter once took a woodlouse out on the bus and kissed it, saying
"I love you, woodlouse". We got a few odd looks. She's also told a man
his whistle was on fire when he was smoking. Oh and the most embarrassing
one ever was when she pulled my trousers and knickers right down to my
ankles in the middle of Bristol's main shopping centre. I was pushing
my second daughter down a hill in the pushchair at the time so it took
me a while to, er, rearrange myself.' Katie
'She wore my diaphram as her party hat'
' 'Lauren once came out of the bathroom and came running into the living
room where I was with my husband, my mum, my stepdad and my granddad,
saying, "Do you like my new party hat?" Yep, she had my diaphram on her
head!' Lsia
'That woman looks like an Umpa Lumpa'
' 'My niece is dreadful. She was on the bus with her mum when a very
short lady got on. My niece shouted at the top of her voice: "Mummy, that
woman looks like an Umpa Lumpa!"' Rachael
'I found baby insoles!'
' 'My friend's nephew once opened a box of panty pads and said "Look
mummy, I found baby insoles!" That still makes me laugh. I could just
imagine him putting them inside shoes!' Gillian
'Daddy F'
''Before I left Oz, my darling idiot ex taught my daughter to say the
"F" word. One day I had to travel back from Newcastle on the train and
on the way there my daughter started saying 'daddy F'. (She had associated
the daddy bit with him.) I said "be quiet" and she carried on. I ended
up not being able to keep a straight face which was a red rag to a bull
as she carried on in front of a packed train for a further 20 minutes.' Judith
'She ran onto the pitch in the middle of the match'
' 'Last week, my partner James came home with our daughter after taking
her to watch a Sunday football match with all his friends. She loves football
and it's a treat for her to go to watch it with daddy. Anyway, I think
she was so overcome with excitement that while they were standing at the
edge of the pitch, she decided she wanted to join in. Before James could
stop her, she ran straight into the middle of the game, amongst these
big muddy blokes, and tried to get stuck in with them. James was mortified
when he had to go retrieve her, and made her sit on his shoulders for
the rest of the game.' Lola
'He put his hand down my top'
' 'Well, my son has a delightful habit of putting his hand down my tops
(think it is harping back to my breastfeeding days). Last night, when
I got to the front of the queue at Tesco, he decided to put his hand down
my work top and let's say that the poor old chap serving me didn't know
where to look!' Rachel
'Mummy, why do you have stripes on your tummy like a tiger?'
' 'Daniel has a really good knack of exposing my boobs too: if he's not
pulling my top down he's pulling it up! At a family party once he ran
up to me as if to give me a cuddle then decided he's rather lift my (loose)
top up and exposed me too all of the in-laws! And Gemma once asked me
loudly in a shopping centre why I had stripes on my tummy like a tiger...
Other than that, the only embarrassing thing was when I took Gemma for
her swimming lesson recently and discovered she'd stowed away a pair of
my knickers in the bag and of course they fell on the floor as I took
the towel out to dry her.' Penny
'He shouted "f***king hell!" in front of the family'
' 'I think Oscar would take the award out of our four; I just can't choose
the worst thing he's done! Maybe shouting "f***ing hell!" at the top of
his voice when he was 4 in front of my entire family. We just all looked
at each other and laughed, it was one of those situations where you don't
know how to react at all. So of course, then, he thought it was funny
and kept saying it He'd picked it up from school. We spoke to the teacher
and she said she'd already had three other parents complaining that their
children had said it.' Kelly
'He asked an old man why he was so crinkly'
' 'My children are guaranteed to embarrass me. It's normally my first
son: he's too honest. He once asked an old man on the bus why old people
get all crinkly. I could have died. When we take him to Sunday school
he says "Ohhh God!" My second son, at 18 months, used to pull up my top
in the supermarket. This in itself wasn't too bad in that I would quickly
whisk it down and say no (he was breastfed until 2). It was made worse
by the attention he would draw to himself by shouting "Bitty! Bitty!"
which my darling father-in-law thought was hysterical to teach him.' Susie
'Grandma, you farted'
' 'Logan and Isla aren't bad - though I'm sure Isla has a lot more to
come. Logan confuses "you" and "I" and mostly uses "you" to refer to himself.
So, in McDonalds last week, he said, rather loudly to my mum: "Gran, you
farted". She was mortified as everyone turned round to look. She did try
to say to him "You mean I farted, Logan". And he said, "Yes, you farted"
and she just looked like she was trying to get out of it. Sus
'Look, ninjas!'
' 'First one that springs to mind recently was Daniel in Ikea. He spotted
a Muslim couple in full dress (complete black outfits and veils) and pointed,
shouting: "Look! There are ninjas!" Spanner
'Mummy's bum makes noise and smells!'
' 'Mattie's only ever done one truly embarrassing thing, and this happened
last week. My husband had had some kind of food on the previous Friday
that had given him a serious case of the farts on Friday evening/Saturday
morning. So every time he farted he tried to blame it on me and said "Whew,
Mummy! Your bum is smelly!", to the great amusement of our lovely daughter.
Monday morning, I drop her off at nursery, and as soon as we get in the
door she announces to everyone: "Mummy's bum makes noise and smells! Yucky!"
and pulls a stinkface, waving her hand around under her nose.' Kellie
'You like it when I play with your willy, don't you?'
' 'My (male) friend took his then three year old swimming. He went into
the changing rooms and saw the only two lockers were taken so began to
change his daughter in the communal area. When she was dressed, he pulled
his boxers down to put his trunks on when she said at the top of her voice:
"Dahdeeee. You like it when I play with your willy, don't you?" The feet
underneath the two occupied cubicles both stopped dead. Poor man didn't
know which way to turn or what to say! Needless to say, the happy days
of Daddy/daughter swimming days are over!' Helen
'He peed all over the kids on the climbing frame'
'Connor climbed to the very top of a climbing frame, pulled his pants down
and proceeded to pee all over the kids below him! I was mortified.' Cafrin
'She waved gay porn about triumphantly'
'In Italian news kiosks there is usually a vast quantity of all types of
pornography and generally little attention to the idea of putting it out
of reach. Once while I was buying a newspaper at a busy newsstand, Ginevra,
who was in the buggy at the time, decided to grab hold of a gay porn magazine
and wave it about triumphantly. She then put up a huge, loud fight when
I tried to take it out of her hands and I had to practically wrestle it
off her. The man then told me that if it was creased I'd have to buy it,
but fortunately he was just teasing me.' Helen
'Your boobies smell'
'Shortly after the birth of my second daughter my sister and her two children
came to stay. We were on the bus taking all the kids to soft play and my
6-year-old nephew was sat on my knee. It was very quiet and suddenly Sam
piped up "Hmm your boobies smell. Is that why Rebecca sucks on them?" It
was so embarrassing! He had never had any exposure to breastfeeding before
and I had to explain all about it on the 007!' chunkymunky
You'll
never guess what my child did...!
