Where do babies comes from?Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. And for some children, falling in love is all it takes to make babies. But there comes a stage when your child will innocently ask that most dreaded question. As Easter is considered a fertility festival we thought this a very appropriate time to share these moments….
The birds and the beesFor many parents, discussing the fine art of reproduction with your offspring is an embarrassing moment to be dreaded. So when your child asks you where they came from or how the baby got in mummy's tummy, what do you tell them? Gail Douglas' step daughter asked her one Saturday morning if she'd had a baby. "I told her yes, I had had 2. 'No,' she said, 'Have you had a baby?' "Yes," I said again. "Alex and Melia are my babies although they are older now. "She looked at me as if I was deliberately misunderstanding her and said 'HAVE YOU HAD A BABY THIS MORNING?' "I was astounded. No sweetheart, why would you think I had had a baby this morning?" "Her reply was, 'Alex told me the noise I could hear was just you trying to have a baby!' Dr Bob Burden, professor of educational psychology at Exeter University believes that in the first instance, it should be the responsibility of parents to talk about 'the birds and the bees' but says they should not tell their children that babies come from under gooseberry bushes. "Although it is tempting to gloss over the question, it is important not to give a child a totally false impression, otherwise later in life they may wonder what more lies their parents have told them. "The key to success is to keep the conversation honest, open and age-appropriate." Eggs - scrambled or Easter?Babyworld member Emma's daughter has taken on a whole new concept after her sister was born last September. "I explained to her about the egg in me and now she thinks she went
everywhere I went before she was born. If I talk about the fact I went
to New York, for instance, she will say she went there too when she was
an egg." It is, however, very easy to confuse the whole egg thing. My
four eldest children range in age from 10 -just had basic sex education
at school- to 3 - beautifully naďve. Over breakfast recently, as I fed
their newborn sister, my 8 year old (hasn't got a clue) asked "How are
babies made?" to which my 10 year old replied, "From the mother's eggs."
Amidst much laughter, Clueless said, "Mummy isn't a chicken." At which stage my eldest got up and left the table, shaking his head as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders Seeds 'n' twinklesBetween the ages of 18 months to 3 years, children begin to learn about their own bodies and experts say that children should be told the truth about sex even at this young age. Dr Burden says, "Parents should give their children the facts, plain and simple and at a level they will understand. "Sex should certainly not be hidden and treated as a deep dark secret." However, fumbling attempts to explain the facts of life to children often involve analogies with birds laying eggs and bees pollinating flowers, so it is no wonder that many parents fall back on this centuries' old explanation. Babyworld moderator, Suzanne Clayman explains how she sent her son to her husband for an explanation when he started asking questions about his testicles. "What are my testicles?" he asked. "Well, when you're older, they make seeds." "Seeds? What are the seeds for?" Incidentally, at this stage, his Mum - like all good mothers - is eavesdropping and trying hard not to laugh. "Well, when you're a grown up, a daddy has a seed and a mummy has an egg. And the seed swims to the egg and when they meet they join up and that becomes the baby. And the baby grows and grows inside the mummy's tummy." A beautifully simple explanation to which the toddler replied, "Your wee comes out of your willy, your poo comes out of your bum...so how do the seeds get out? Do you sick them up?" Of course, the other favourite used by parents is 'a twinkle in the eye'. Tass's second son got upset at all the pictures of just his older brother and wanted to know why he wasn't in any of them. Tass says, "My mum told him 'You were a twinkle in your Mummy's eye'. The only trouble now is the boys keep coming and looking really closely at my eyes to see if there are any more 'twinkles' in there." The Stork versus Royal MailBabyworld moderator Hayley was left wondering whether or not to bother training to become a midwife after a recent conversation with her four year old daughter. "As we passed the local maternity hospital the other day, my daughter saw the big incineration chimney and she told me that it is for the 'big birdies' to drop the new babies down and then the midwives deliver them, kind of like postmen." Good and readyThe Department for Education and Skills (DfES) advice is that primary schools should tackle sex and relationships at the 7-11 age group but Robert Whelan, director of the campaign group Family and Youth Concern, says sex education in primary schools is robbing children of their innocence. "Young children should get their information from their parents, not schools," he says. "Parents know their children better than anyone else and can gauge when they are ready for information. At school it is one size fits all." Perhaps this is why so many parents like to keep the truth as simple and as innocent as possible. Helen Shaw explains how one of her sisters tackled the situation. "She told my niece, who is now 14, that when a mummy and daddy want a baby they go to bed, cuddle up and pray and if God thinks you are ready for a baby then you will have one. " This seems to be a popular theme. Hayley said, "My daughter says that God sends them to you when He sees you love someone and will be a good mummy and daddy." So what is the right answer? The key is to find out what exactly the child wants to know and answer them in an age appropriate manner. And always listen carefully to the question, as one of my friends discovered when her son asked her where babies come from. "I got totally flustered and waffled on about seeds and eggs and bellies only to be interrupted by an exasperated two year old saying, 'No, do they come from the hospital by Nanna's house or the one where you got me?' Where to next?
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