1.Where should we spend Christmas?The key to a happy Christmas, according to TV presenter and Relate counsellor Suzie Hayman, is forward planning. "If your parents and parents-in-law want you to go to them, don't leave it to the last minute to decide," she says. "Use 'turn and turn about' - this year, spend Christmas Day with one set of parents and Boxing Day with the other, then next year do it the other way around. It's productive if you pre-empt difficulties. If you leave plans until the last minute, they become an argument. Be firm and be positive, saying: 'This is what we'd love to do.'" For more advice read our article 'Kids and Christmas - what's right for them' . 2. I can't cook a roast dinnerI'm the first to admit I'm no Nigella in the kitchen, but trying to be "perfect" is missing the point of Christmas. So:
3. I haven't got a big budget for presentsYou don't need one! Pre-schoolers don't want to be overwhelmed by hoards of shiny plastic; they want a few simple toys and your full attention while they play with them. Christmas is a worrying time for many of the mums and dads who phone Parentline Plus, but chief executive Dorit Braun says: "We are really keen to get the message across that parents mustn't feel guilty for not having a bottomless purse. Tell your children that not even Father Christmas has that much money and ask them to list presents in order of preference. Remember all the things that you do give your child, like your time, love or simple but thoughtful presents, will be remembered long after the latest toy has been thrown away." And don't forget that when it comes to buying for other relatives, a homemade gift is priceless. Babyworlder Rosie says: "We are going to make a calendar for members of the family with each of the children's handprints on, with a poem. My daughter made one for us at playgroup and it did make me smile." Go to babyworld's Living on a budget forum for more tips. 4. My son's birthday is near Christmas - do we separate celebrations or combine themThe Queen isn't the only one who can have two birthdays! Babyworld marketing manager Clare Coombs plans to hold a "half birthday" in June for her son George, who will be one on Christmas Eve. "This way he gets to have his own day and not have to share it with family and relatives, plus he gets two lots of presents!" says Clare. With the weather (hopefully!) being better in the summer, you could have a picnic in the park or a day at the beach. A summer celebration also allows you to buy "outdoor" presents rather than having a double whammy of indoor games and puzzles. Do ask friends and relatives not to buy "joint" presents, especially if your other children receive separate gifts for their birthday. 5. Lots of my friends have had babies this year - should I buy for them all?Hold a "secret Santa," where each mum buys one present of a pre-agreed value. These are then placed in a sack and pulled out by the babies (with a bit of help from mum!). Older babies will love the "lucky dip" and it will save a small fortune. If your friends don't know each other, though, this won't work, so be brave and suggest that you just buy presents for the children's birthdays, not Christmas. Don't feel stingy - you can bet your bottom dollar other parents will be relieved. 6. I get so stressed in the run up to Christmas - how can I avoid becoming ill?"Christmas can be particularly stressful for a variety of reasons; financial or from having lots of family in close proximity!" says Stress Management Society director Neil Shah. "Advance planning can ensure you have everything in place. Ask a friend for some help while you do the Christmas shopping as an alternative to taking the pushchair around the shops, or shop online for presents and groceries to use time more efficiently." Make sure you are eating well too so your energy levels are high which will help you cope better with stress. Try smoothies to get all the nutrients you need, especially iron, and only resort to supplements if you are struggling to eat well but it's vital to check with your midwife first if you are pregnant. Independent midwife Sarah Montague says: "It is often a better idea to make sure you have iron in your diet by eating red meat, leafy green vegetables and cereals, mixed with vitamin C to absorb it." 7. How can I control my toddler at family gatherings without relatives interfering?Too much excitement and not enough sleep spells trouble in our house! Toddler tantrums are always going to be part of Christmas, but don't be scared to take control in front of over-indulgent or disapproving relatives. "It's YOUR child," says Sue Atkins, who wrote Raising Happy Children for Dummies "Stay focused." Sue says:
Read Festive flashpoints to find how to avoid your child's major meltdowns! 8. How do I juggle a stepfamily set-up at Christmas?"It's difficult enough to try to balance your parents and your partner's, but in a stepfamily there are even more relatives, possibly feeling a bit fragile," says Suzie, a step mum herself. "It could be your first Christmas in the new situation and it's easy to fall into the trap of buying your children expensive presents and giving in to ultimatums." Try to:
Read 'Step family dilemmas' where Suzie Hayman answers parents' most common step-parent concerns. 9. I've had a miscarriage and I can't face celebratingRoyal College of Midwives spokeswoman Sue MacDonald says: "No matter what time of year, this is difficult. You will inevitably think about your little one and this is important. Light a candle or go to mass. If other people expect you to be cheerful, get your mum or sister to ask them to stop jollying around." Fertility expert Zita West, who runs a miscarriage clinic in London, agrees that communication is vital. "Women dread Christmas as people say the wrong thing, but nothing is going to make it right anyway," she says. "Try to communicate how you are feeling and have some counselling if you feel bereaved." If you have miscarried, support from others in the same position is at babyworld's Losing a baby forum (please register to join this forum) and find out more about miscarriage here. 10. I'm breastfeeding but don't want to miss out on the Christmas spirit!If your partner hands over the car keys with glee, stop him right there! Breast-feeding mums don't have to stay off the alcohol altogether - just be sensible. The Government recommends a limit of two units of alcohol a day, whether you are breastfeeding or not. One unit is equal to half a pint of lager or cider, a small glass of wine or a single 25ml measure of spirit. But the milk will smell different to the baby and may affect feeding, sleeping or digestion, so avoid drinking shortly before a baby's feed because alcohol does pass through your milk but the amount your baby gets is much less than the amount you drink. Studies have shown that alcohol levels in breast milk peak about 30 to 90 minutes after one drink. Remember your tolerance levels will have nose dived, so take it easy if you want to avoid pouring wine all over your colleagues' shoes (not that I did that, of course). Read 'The very breast Christmas' for more on coping with a new baby at Christmas. 11. How do I survive bed rest at Christmas?This can be difficult for mums-to-be but remember that women are only placed on bed rest for very good reasons, such as severe pre-eclampsia. The RCM's Sue says: "Christmas in hospital can be quite nice in a way. My advice would be for the family to bring Christmas to the hospital. If there are other young children, take their presents and get them to open them there. If you are on bed rest at home, or if you have just had a baby, stay in your dressing gown! You tend as a woman to be the hostess and, if you are dressed, people will let you." Ask relatives to stagger visiting hours and don't be afraid to send them home if you are exhausted. For more on coping with bedrest in pregnancy read Bed rest: what it is, what it isn't and how to cope. 12. We tell our children it's wrong to lie, yet perpetuate the myth of Father Christmas - are we doing what we say we shouldn't?Parent coach Debbie Curve says: "It is important to explain to our children the reasons for being honest in each situation, rather than a blanket 'You must always tell the truth'. Some families feel that the 'lie' about Father Christmas is all part of the magic and sparkle of Christmas. I think that as long as you are looking at the bigger issues about truth and honesty, the choice is up to you." Babyworlder Sandra agrees. "There's plenty of time for children to be ruled by truth and facts," she says. "While they're children, they should be allowed as much magic and fantasy as they like." Read our article for more on the subject of whether to perpetuate The Santa Myth. by Rebecca Blunt Where to next?
|
||||
Going
crackers over Christmas? Don't worry; we're here to solve all your festive
dilemmas!
