I
made 20 new friends in less than a year!
When Julia Clayman joined her babyworld antenatal club, little did she know that she'd meet up with twenty of her new best friends and their babies less than a year later. Read her story...
Face to face at last
Today, with the mums of 20 other eight and nine-month-olds, I visited London zoo. We chatted about what we'd been up to in the last couple of days since we'd last talked, and discussed the latest babies in the group to get teeth or start crawling. Oh, and we introduced ourselves to each other.
Because all the other mums there were members of babyworld.co.uk's December 2000 antenatal club. We've been chatting online on one of babyworld's forums since we all found out we were pregnant, in April or May 2000… but many of us had never met until today!
The internet is famous for bringing together people who might otherwise never have met, and the idea behind babyworld's expecting clubs is that an online forum, or discussion group, is created, where only women whose babies are due in the same month have access. It could be that mothers whose babies were born in December 2000 are particularly chatty, because we have, in a year and a half, posted over 6,000 questions or comments and received more than 24,000 replies!
We went to the zoo, zoo, zoo
At some point after all the December babies had been born, we began to discuss a big summer picnic. The planning was fairly organic - we set up a vote on the Smartgroup to decide the most mutually convenient time and place, and so the trip to the zoo on 18th August came about.
Because we'd discussed so much of it in advance, the organisation was smooth - none of what usually happens in big groups, when everyone drifts around and no decisions are made.
We met at the gate and one member passed around yellow ribbon to tie to all our pushchairs so we could identify each other. Then it was straight to the parrot house lawn for a big picnic and chat, while the babies pulled each other's hair and ate each other's food! Although many of us had never met before, there was no sense of lacking conversation - as you would expect from a group of women who fill a page of babyworld's forum each day!
We went off to watch the penguins being fed, then met back at the lawn two hours later for a photo shoot and another chat, before we all headed home, cheeks aching from too much smiling!Virtual mothers' meeting
So what's the attraction behind this modern, virtual, mothers' meeting? Where do I start?
- Reassurance that other people are going through the same thing as you. Says Elizabeth F, mum to George (13th November 2000): 'When I was about 16 weeks pregnant and experiencing worrying period type cramps, I found someone else had posted a message saying they were getting similar pains and asked if anyone else was. Lots of people had responded to say they were going through the same thing and that they were stretching pains. I instantly felt better.'
- You can finish a conversation! As Alison H-C, mum to Charlie (7th January 2001), and Ben, (six years old), points out: 'I don't have to worry about having Ben with me when I get online. He can be going absolutely lairy in the background and it makes no difference. If I was having a conversation face to face with someone it would be impossible.'
- You can pop in and out. Alison H-C again: 'I can come on here for a few minutes. I wouldn't be able to say to any of my local friends: "Oh I'll pop round for 10 minutes and then I'll have to go but I'll keep popping back for a few minutes here and there for the rest of the day.'
- You can say things you wouldn't say face-to-face. 'The ability to be intimate certainly helps. I say things here that I wouldn't say to 'real life' friends and family and ask things that I feel I would be judged for if I asked someone else,' says Laura, mum to Georgia (24th December 2000).
- You find out about new things. Almost 50 per cent of the December mums use cloth nappies - it's a craze that spread through the forum! Another one is for the use of baby sleeping bags. We all ended up buying through the same company (grobag.com, if you're interested), and all gave the same December mum (Kim, mum to Winter, 23rd November 2000, and Liam, nine) as the person who recommended us. She got a free sleeping bag out of it!
- We don't compete! Colette, mum to Daniel (23rd December 2000) explains: 'We share our milestones and there is only joy for each other and none of the competition element there can be face to face.'
The future
Now there's talk of another get-together next year - perhaps a trip to the seaside with our 19-month old toddlers, or perhaps a weekend in a rented castle in south Wales, with husbands, so we can all go out and bond while the men, who will have not spent the last two years discussing the intimacies of their sex lives, baby vomit and first steps, can stay in and babysit!
Bernadette, mum to Daniel (8th December 2000) says: 'Of course being a mum is the greatest thing in the world, but being a mum and having such great support is just the icing on the cake!' And Lucy, mum to Megan (1st January 2001), and Millie, two, sums it up perfectly: I go to loads of mother and toddler groups and over the last few years have only made a handful of real friends. By this I mean someone I'd like to have over for a meal and a bottle of wine. I would quite happily have any one of you lot round for dinner - but please don't all come at once, I only have enough place settings for 12!'
Have you met up with your fellow antenatal club members? If so, we'd love to hear from you. Email us on editor@babyworld.co.uk with your name and club and tell us all about it!
Where to next?
- Join your very own antenatal club
- Find out all about antenatal testing
- Read other mums' gripping pregnancy diaries
- Meet our previous pregnancy diary winners
