 babyworld
meets The Logans
TV sports presenter Gabby Logan is married to former Scottish rugby
international player Kenny Logan. She gave birth to twins, Lois and Reuben,
in July 2005, after IVF treatment. babyworld's Martha Roberts met
the Logans recently to talk about the difficulties of trying to get pregnant,
the pregnancy itself and what it's like being parents…
Read
a transcript of our online chat session with Gabby & Kenny
Trying to get pregnant
Gabby and Kenny started to try and get pregnant a few months after
their marriage in the summer of 2001. But after a year of trying, they
began to wonder if
something might be wrong.
Gabby "We're both very positive people so we didn't ever really
get down about things. When my period came each month, I'd be like, 'Oh
well, next month will be fine'. I'd have a couple of days when I felt
defeated but I'd soon move on. Friends of ours who were trying to conceive
had ovulation sticks which they'd use religiously but we tried to stay
relaxed about it and not get too emotional about it because we didn't
think that would help. After you've been married for a while, people start
saying, 'Do you think you'll have children?' I know how much pressure
there can be. A friend of mine has a sister who is 35 and nowhere near
to having children yet, and this friend and her mum have been telling
her she should have her eggs frozen! But that's the kind of pressure that's
around on couples, and on women in particular. We tried not to be concerned
but it's not always easy."
Kenny "At the start we thought, 'Let's see what happens', but
after a year and a half, we started to think more about it and what the
next step might be. It's a big step because as soon as you get into the
realms of seeing experts, you enter into a different level of starting
to worry. You go from feeling very naïve about it to learning so much
more about what's going on - and what can go wrong."
Testing fertility
The couple went to see consultant gynaecologist Yehudi Gordon at north
London fertility clinic Viveka, to see if they could pinpoint what was
wrong.
Gabby "I went through scores of tests, including having my cycles
monitored and having dye put into my tubes to see if there were any blockages.
We then went back to the gynaecologist, expecting him to say, 'You don't
ovulate', or something fairly cut and dried like that. But instead he
said, 'You're both really healthy', and we both almost felt quite down.
We got into the car and thought, 'Why isn't it happening?' Kenny was saying,
'Maybe our bodies aren't compatible'. We started to question everything.
Our diets were really healthy, we were eating lots of fruit and vegetables.
We'd had blood tests for mineral deficiencies including magnesium and
zinc, which can impact fertility, and were taking vitamins and minerals
to get us in peak condition. We'd also both had acupuncture for seven
years, as well as massage therapy. We ended up being really healthy, but
no nearer to the family we wanted. Many couples like us would like to
know whether everything's all right with them and their partner but without
having to go to see anyone like a doctor, unless they know that's really
necessary.
Fertell is a great way of them being able to do this. It's also great
for couples who want to know if things are looking healthy enough for
them to be able to put off having a baby for a while. Friends of ours
who'd just got married started to try for a baby as soon as they could,
on my advice. They got pregnant right away!"
Kenny "If at some stage you want a family, whatever age you are,
you want to know if you've got a problem and where that problem is. And
if there is a problem, you can do something about it. Fertell is particularly
good for men, who may be a bit reluctant to go to their GP. Women aren't
shy about going to their doctor if they want something checked out or
they think something might be wrong but men will do anything not to go.
And when it's for something like how their sperm are doing, it's a very
private matter that they might not even want to share with their doctor
to start with. I think Fertell is definitely something a man would go
and buy to use himself at home. And we will definitely use it when the
time comes to try again because of the reassurance it can give you."
Coping with IVF AND public life
Although many couples find having IVF a real roller-coaster ride,
this wasn't Gabby and Kenny's experience of going through fertility treatment.
They are convinced they found it easier than most by keeping mum about
what they were going through…
Gabby "It was a lot more relaxed and a lot easier than I expected
it to be. I think it helped that nobody apart from our clinic knew what
we were doing - and that included our colleagues, friends and even our
families. We didn't want those six or seven weeks where everybody knows
what you're going through. I know people who have had IVF that hasn't
worked and other people think that they are trying all the time, that
they never stop having IVF. They become defined by the fact that people
know they're having treatment. We didn't want to be like that. During
treatment, I went away with my mum and was staying in a hotel. I needed
to keep my drugs cool but I didn't want to put them in the fridge in the
room just in case she spotted them and said, 'What are they?' so I put
them on the window sill instead! That's how secretive we were about it
all. Nobody at work knew. The clinic were brilliant, fitting me in for
scans and blood tests at odd times of the day so we could carry on as
normal as much as possible. Having said that, once they were born we didn't
make any secret of the fact that they were IVF babies. The clinic had
been so amazing, I felt like we'd have been denying all of the work that
they'd done for us to help us achieve our family and we owed it to them
to be truthful about it."
Kenny "I think that keeping it to ourselves made us even closer.
Whenever Gabby was feeling low, it's something we'd talk about and I'd
try and support her through it. I think if you tell other people, like
friends, you'd be more inclined to talk to them about it when things are
getting to you, rather than turning to your partner. Everyone deals with
it differently, but I'd definitely advise people not to tell everyone
what they're going through until it's finished."
The pros and cons of fertility treatment
Gabby "Each stage of the IVF process makes you nervous. When the
eggs had been fertilised, we had a call each day from the embryologist
to tell us how they were growing. They'd call each day at 8am, then one
day they didn't call. I panicked and rang up, and ended up speaking to
the cleaner! It was because it was a Sunday and they all got in a bit
later but I had assumed something was wrong. You don't relax until they
are back inside you, but even then you've got two weeks to wait and see
if it's worked. Those two weeks are hard - you've had all that involvement
with the clinic up until that point then you're literally on your own,
wondering if you're pregnant, and there's nothing you can do. That was
a hard time. But of course, when it works, it's amazing. People often
say they know when they conceived their baby or babies, but we literally
know the exact hour, or even minute, when ours were conceived!"
Kenny "The strange thing is that when you have treatment, the
pregnancy feels like it goes on forever. The babies were born at 37 weeks
but it felt like the pregnancy was more like 44 weeks because of all the
treatment - the medication and the scans - beforehand. It's such a long
process, and you don't realise that until you've been through it. There's
lots of misunderstanding about fertility treatment. Even friends of ours
asked, 'So where do they get the eggs from? And whose sperm do they use?'
I suppose you don't have to think about these things unless it's happening
to you."
Pregnancy
Find out how Gabby (and Ken!) dealt with tiredness, morning sickness
and cravings!
Gabby "I felt really, really tired until about 14 weeks. Luckily,
the time when I was most tired was over Christmas and New Year, when I
didn't have to work. I just used to sleep by the fire with the dog, go
for an occasional walk then go back home for another sleep. I'd barely
move! I'm a fit person but I couldn't believe how tired I got just walking
up the stairs! After that, it was the Champions League and I had a lot
to do but I just got on with it. There was no chance of me sleeping on
the job, although when we had a break from filming I'd slope off and have
a snooze. And during the Six Nations, I'd take a power nap whenever I
could. My colleagues were great. They didn't treat me any differently
from before I was pregnant and that was fine by me. I covered the Oxford
and Cambridge boat race when I was 20 weeks and had to go in a speed boat
to go from start to finish and that was hard work, being on my feet for
all that time. But I didn't ask for any favours. The only bad reaction
I had was at an antenatal class. I told the teacher that I couldn't make
a class because I'd be working in Istanbul, and she told me I wouldn't
look very nice on camera because I'd be 28 weeks pregnant by then! She
said it would affect my self-esteem. I thought, 'How ridiculous. No-one's
going to tell me how I'm supposed to feel about myself.' I made sure I
looked and felt good during pregnancy, whether I was on TV or not. I found
a great person who made some suits for me that fitted perfectly as I got
bigger with the twins. My self-esteem was just fine!"
Kenny "I was mainly up in Scotland at the time, and whenever I
spoke to Gabby she'd just been asleep or she was just about to go to sleep.
It was really funny because normally she's one of these people who does
things and organises things constantly, and here she was, only able to
manage to go for a coffee before she had to go back to sleep again."
Gabby "I also had terrible headaches, which is apparently one
of the most common complaints of pregnancy, and the trouble is you can't
take anything for it. I also felt very sick and nauseous though I never
actually threw up. I didn't want to eat anything except salad - lettuce
and tomatoes - and foods in their purest form. But as the pregnancy progressed,
I had this thing about orange ice lollies. We'd buy them in boxes of 10
but they wouldn't last long."
Connecting with the babies in the womb
Gabby "I had a pregnancy book which told you all about the different
stages of development at different weeks of pregnancy, as well as showing
you pictures. I used to skip ahead to see what the babies would soon look
like. I was always wanting to be at the next stage! Something that really
helped me to really connect with the babies was going to see birthing
expert Gowrie Motha at 19 weeks and starting her gentle birth method,
which helps to get you physically and emotionally ready for birth. It
was when I met her that I started to think about how we were all 'together'
in this pregnancy. When you've had IVF, it's easy to feel that everything
to do with the pregnancy is quite medicalised, and even after it's worked
the medical profession can take a look at things in a very matter-of-fact
way. But Gowrie saw it much more holistically, and she had the view that
we were very much all together in this - me, Kenny and the babies. That
was amazing because after IVF I wanted everything else to seem as natural
as possible. I remember sitting in the car afterwards and crying because
the way she'd made me think about it was so beautiful, and I hadn't really
done that before."
Kenny "Gabby bought me some books on men and pregnancy, but they
were all really 'alpha male' and macho, saying things like, 'You're shot,
you've scored', and that's not for me at all, despite being a sportsman.
Once Gabby's bump started to show, that was amazing and it felt like it
was really happening."
 Parenthood
After Gabby's
difficult birth in July 2005, she and Kenny have settled in well to
life as parents to Reuben and Lois.
Gabby "Being parents is amazing and these have been the best eight
months of our lives. It's been hard, and I think it's been the most intensely
ageing period of my life! I still can't get my head round the fact that
we're parents, though - I often think of us as being young helpers! Being
a parent is such a grown-up thing. Obviously we have no social life at
all now, and if we do it revolves around them. We have to be very selfless
now because we have two people to think about all the time. But to be
honest, I can't remember life before. This is what it's all about! Life
isn't always about everything coming easy. You have to endure some struggles,
too, as we did with the IVF. But neither of is averse to hard work, and
that's what we had to go through to get our babies. But I think it means
we feel we're even more lucky that we've now got them. Nothing can prepare
you for parenthood, especially the tiredness. But having said that, during
the first few months you're running on adrenalin and that seems to keep
you going. We've got a daily nanny but one of us is always there for a
large part of the day anyway. Whatever happens, we always make sure it's
us who gets them up, dresses them and feeds them, and in the evenings
she leaves before they are fed and bathed. Those are really important
parts of the day for both of us. If we're both in the house when the nanny's
around and one of the twins starts crying, Kenny says, 'It's OK, she can
cope', whereas I'll go and find them. I think it's a maternal thing. After
the birth, I didn't feel any pressure to slim down, but fortunately it
just seemed to happen naturally over 3-4 weeks. Kenny said, 'Your stomach
has disappeared overnight!' I think it's because I'd worked on my core
stability beforehand, which really helped me both during the pregnancy
and afterwards, too."
Kenny "Being parents is hard work. There's no point in pretending
it's anything else. But there are times in life when things change and
we were so ready for that. We really enjoyed being with each other for
four years, and although the IVF meant we probably waited longer to have
babies than we would have done otherwise, it gave us that extra time and
brought us close, too. And of course it means we appreciate the babies
that much more. We just find ourselves wanting to look at them and be
with them all the time. Even when they're asleep, we often want to go
upstairs and wake them so we can watch them, but of course you can't do
that."
Reuben and Lois: chalk and cheese
Although the twins were born just 16 minutes apart, Gabby and Kenny
say they have very different and definite personalities already.
Gabby "They're both happy babies, but really different, too. Reuben
is like Prince Charming - a really laid-back and chilled baby. He's just
so easygoing and likes nothing more than to sit and ponder things. And
there's no mistaking that he's a boy. At 7 and a half months old, 18 month
old clothes are already too small for him! He's huge! Lois isn't as big
as Reuben, but she just seems to be getting longer! She's got a really
naughty sense of humour - she's a real minx, and she's always laughing
and smiling. When a neighbour came round to discuss a serious issue with
us, she looked at her and started blowing raspberries. From the moment
she was born, Kenny jokingly called her 'problem child'! While Reuben
is happy to sit down and watch the world go by, Lois gets frustrated and
wants to be up and doing things. They couldn't be more different. There
was an interesting moment recently when I took the twins to see Gowrie
Motha, the birthing expert whose meditation CD I used during pregnancy.
When she started to speak, Lois looked at her as if to say, 'Don't I know
you?' It was as if she recognised the voice after all of those months
of hearing it in the womb. The twins are now sleeping pretty well, and
they normally wake up at 6.45am. They sleep in separate rooms because
they used to disturb each other when each of them woke up. But in the
morning, when they first see each other, they beam with delight! They
look so pleased to see each other, it's lovely. Quite often when they're
lying down together, I'll turn round and catch them holding hands but
it's so funny because when they see I'm looking they'll let go. He's not
so tolerant when she's screaming, though. I've seen him put him hand out
and put it over her mouth as if to say, 'Enough'. But you can see already
that he's going to be this big protective brother."
Kenny "Lois has got two teeth but Reuben has already got six teeth.
One night he was laughing and giggling to himself, and the next morning
we realised that a tooth had broken through. He laughed all the way through
it! When he had his two-month injections, he laughed, while Lois screamed.
And when he banged his head the other day, he just looked surprised. He's
really tough. They do say that girls are always front when it comes to
development and this is definitely the case with Reuben and Lois. Whatever
Lois does, Reuben does three weeks later - well, apart from the teeth!"
Advice on having twins
Gabby "I haven't joined any twins groups, but I'm very lucky in
that a friend of mine who I've known since I was 11 has got twins so we
spend a lot of time together. As the twins aren't identical, I thought,
'They won't have psychological problems so I don't really need that kind
of support'. I felt there wasn't anything I would really get from a group
like that. But I can understand when parents do. I was in the park with
our twins and her twins once, and a pregnant woman came up to us and said,
'Is this a twins club? I'm having twins!' I think she was just so excited
to see other people in the same boat as her. My advice to other mums expecting
twins would be to get everything you could possibly need before 30 weeks
in terms of equipment because you won't feel like traipsing round the
shops then. Be as prepared as possible as early as possible, even though
you might feel superstitious about it. Test a pram out and get it on order,
even if you don't have it delivered, and make sure you're happy with it
because once the babies arrive, you're not going to be going anywhere."
Kenny "What has amazed me is that the twins clearly look really
different and there are times when one's dressed in pink and the other
in blue, but people still ask if they are identical. We've had to say
to a people, 'It's not possible for a girl and boy to be identical' but
they still don't believe us. I feel it's really important for dads to
get ready for after the birth as much as mums, and to be as involved as
much as possible in the preparations - deciding what to buy, that kind
of thing. I wanted to go through that because I felt like I'd been through
the pregnancy with Gabby and that was another part of it."
More babies on the horizon...
Both Kenny and Gabby agree that they'd like to add to their family
at some point in the future.
Gabby "We'd definitely like more but because we've only recently
had the babies, it seems like a long way away. We want to wait a couple
of years - long enough for Kenny to get over his sleep deprivation! The
fact that we had the twins by IVF hasn't impacted our relationship with
them, as it may do for some people. Once we were pregnant we didn't think
about it anymore - we just focused on the pregnancy and the birth."
Kenny "I'd love to have more but not just yet!"
Where to next?
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