I name this child Something Silly

A new year, a new bunch of expectant celebs and, more importantly, a new set of bizarre baby names for us to laugh at.

• And what's wrong with Hepzibah?
• Name and shame
• Celebrity clunkers
• Going gaga

Annoyingly, by giving her son a lovely normal name like James Wilke Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker has let the celebrity side down in a shocking manner. Let us hope Catherine Zeta Jones will keep to celeb tradition and saddle her second born with a name that guarantees years of therapy. We take a look at the pitfalls awaiting new parents in the naming game.

Naming your new baby is a minefield. It has to fit in with your surname (imagine the playground fate of Ivor Biggun or Richard Head). Relatives drop unsubtle hints about calling your little princess, Enid Blodwyn, 'after her grandmother'. So what about a really current name? Babyworld's recent name poll showed the most popular names for 2002 were Connor, Joshua and Charlie for boys and Abigail, Chloe and Daisy for girls. Except popular can soon become passé. Which is why parents are so keen to come up with something more, er, unique ...

But is giving your baby an unusual name such a bad idea? New research in The Independent claims that adults with more unusual Christian names get better jobs, because Willhelmina's CV sticks out more than William's. Just remember the line between unique and crippling psychological damage is very narrow. Educational psychologist Gaynor Sbuttoni thinks that giving your child a standout name works both ways. 'A strong, unusual name gives your child an instant identity, but it depends how the name is presented by the parents. Calista is unusual but presented right (we called you Calista because it means 'most beautiful') would make the child feel confident and special. The downside is a unique name can make a child stand out too much when they want to blend in. 'I've seen teachers teasing children for very minor naughtiness just because the child has a memorable name,' says Gaynor.

What many of us do is take our cues from expectant celebs. But beware. For every Iris (Sadie Frost) or Mia, ( Kate Winslet) there's a Dweezil (Frank Zappa) or Starlite Melody (Marisa Berenson). You just know with a name like that, Starlite will grow up built like a truck. Particularly with celebs - they're desperate to start trends rather than follow them so are even more prone to giving high snigger factor names to their babies. Massive trustfunds won't protect this little lot from nickname torment. We're being cruel to be kind here . .

• Homer (Richard Gere) = Doh!
• Chance (Larry King) = Fat Chance
• Sailor (Christie Brinkley) = Hello Sailor (+ limp wristed innuendo)
• Dandelion (Keith Richard) = Weed
• Mingus Lucien (Helena Christensen) = Minging

There was a recent fashion for giving baby a geographical groaner, once Brooklyn Beckham was named after the place of his conception. We can only pray this doesn't start a worrying trend of babies named Dagenham, Ipswich or Ford-Mondeo.

You don't have to be a celebrity to give your child an outlandish name. 'Giving your child a joke name tells them you think they're a joke,' says Gaynor. 'Parents can sometimes unconsciously saddle their baby with an attention-grabbing name as a way of living through them. But ultimately what matters is the name they are called by, the name they develop into an adult with'. So if you're going to curse your baby with Udo, Honey Kinney or Jupiter, at least give him a human middle name. Better still, if you want the attention a daft name bestows, change your own. Like Micheal Howard. After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, he changed his name to Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist Bastards. Now that would stand out in a job interview.

Where to next?

• Want some good ideas on what to name your little treasure? Go to our very own Baby names finder
• See the most popular names with babyworld members - and add your own!
• Expecting twins? Solve your naming problems with our guide to naming twins